(Closed) How did you get back to yourself?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Firstly, I am sorry to hear about your engagement ending *hugs*

I’ve never had to go through a serious relationship break-up, but I think that the best thing to do would be for you to go on a holiday or take some time off to process everything, or go for a massage, and focus on counselling, and get in touch with good support groups out there.

When I’m feeling down I read, paint, embroider, and exercise. Art is a great way to express yourself, and it is really good to splash a bit of paint around, and to create something out of nothing. Reading is also relaxing. Exercise is a good way to release built up energy, and to release endorphins. Cardio exercise and kick boxing is good for getting your frustration out, and yoga and pilates is good for unwinding. Music is also so good for mental and emotional well-being. Make sure you eat well and sleep well. It is important that you nourish your body through times of stress and sadness. You need rest and vitamins, and you are more prone to getting sick during stressful times if you don’t look after your body and mind. 

Keeping a diary is good too, and filling a booklet with uplifting quotes really helps me through tough times. Setting goals, and putting your feelings to paper is so helpful. It is important that you go through the stages of grief properly, and that you get all of your anger and sadness out in a healthy way. Talk to your family and friends. Catch up for lunch or coffee and have a good vent. The best thing in any situation is a good support network. Go to a counsellor, or a support group, and go to self esteem building classes.

Also, focus on you! Keep busy, and remind yourself that there is a reason for this (even if it is unclear at the moment) and enjoy the little things in life. Kia Kaha (stay strong) xxxx

Post # 4
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I was never engaged so I never went through a brake up that bad, but I guess I would take the time to grieve the relationship for sometime, and then take the time to myself, do things I love (for me is writing, drawing and reading) and also get in shape (even if you’re thin, a healthy lifestyle with plenty of exercise can do wonders to your mood), do more exercise, since it releases endorphins that are the “happy” drug for your brain, and in general do everything that makes you feel good, be with friends, family, or pets, enjoy your time.

I would also keep away from the Ex since it can bring so many bad memories and suffering, at least for a while, to give proper time to heal ๐Ÿ™‚

I would trough everything that remind you of your engagement away, or at least put it out of site, and just enjoy the single life.

This said, I hope you are ok, I’m really sorry you have to go through this, but in my opinion, better now then later *** Hug

Post # 5
9096 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

All above is excellent advice.  It sounds cliched, but the best healer really is time.  It will take time for you to go through all of the stages of grieving such a big loss as the death of a significant relationship.

I am sorry you have to go thru this.  Just know that it really will pass and you will find yourself again.

Post # 6
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I dated! Like a LOT. Like two dates a week.

That was the only way I could move on and stop being ex’s booty call!

Then I dated a REALLY crazy dude (think: “I want to pee on your face”. Yeah, thanks but no!)

And Fiance was the next man I met after I decided I was ready to try a serious relationship again!

Post # 7
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am divorced. Know that you have dodged a major bullet by breaking off the engagement rather than divorcing later on. Divorce is HELL.

To move on from my divorce, I started taking antidepressents and got involved in a lot of new activities and interests. I did a lot of volunteering and found real meaning and purpose in service to others. I also met a ton of new friends, all quality people! I cannot recommend this enough. Find some volunteer opportunities and go for it! A good place to start is Idealist.org.

I listened to talk radio at night when I was going to bed and alone with my thoughts. For me, that was the worst time of the day. Maybe it sounds odd, but I felt a lot less alone with the voices on the radio next to me. 

But getting deeply involved in service is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. My Fiance and I love to volunteer together, too.

Best of luck to you. This, too, shall pass.

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