(Closed) How did you handle having vistors with a newborn

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We live 3 hrs away from both sets of parents. My mom came to stay for a week after the baby was born which was really helpful. We didn’t arrange it in advance though – we said we would play it by ear and once we got home from the hospital we realized we could really do with a hand because it was all new and overwhelming. Mother-In-Law came to stay for 3 days after that which was a little difficult for me but manageable. She did look after the baby while I had a few naps, which I definitely appreciated. After that we had my mom a couple more times for a few days during the week when Darling Husband was back at work. We travelled to see the rest of the family when DS was 8 weeks old. Other people stopped by for a short time (like my sister and best friend),  but I didn’t feel ready for any other visitors for about 5 weeks.

Post # 3
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

Currently wondering the same thing.  My dad, step-mom, and grandmother are all coming in from out of the country two weeks after my due date.  They’re staying at an airbnb thankfully (they knew that staying with me wasn’t an option).  My main concern currently is whether we ask that everyone who wants to come into contact with the baby to get a flu shot….

Post # 4
Member
4058 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My biggest piece of advice would be to see how you feel. I had told Darling Husband that I didn’t want a ton of visitors,  and to tell his family before DS arrived. Then he arrived early, and Darling Husband hadn’t talked to them yet. It turned out that I really appreciated the breaks, and was grateful for visitors. Even overnight ones-my Mother-In-Law sat up with me while he fed so I wouldn’t be alone. 

You might not want the help, but you might. I personally would recommend telling people that you want to see how things go before committing to things like overnight guests.

Post # 5
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

loden :  Our family is a 20 hour plane flight away, so we actually are having my mom and sisters come about 4 weeks after he is due to 1) make sure he’s here! and 2) give the hubs and I time to figure things out with him together. They’ll be staying in our apartment, but have very kindly offered to get a hotel nearby either beforehand or while they’re here if its too hectic. Also, I made a point (I said it in a much nicer way – not nearly as blunt as this sounds!!) to let them know that I will not be “entertaining” them. The fridge will be stocked but I’m not making food or doing dishes, I’m not making plans for trips or sightseeing for any “down time”, I’m not washing their clothes, etc. They have free reign of the house so go ahead and water my plants or vaccuum or do your laundry if you’d like.  The grocery store is down the street if there’s something they’d like to get.

They will be with us for Thanksgiving, and I told them the hubs and I will order a ham to be delivered and they can run to the store and get some Thanksgiving stuff if they want, but that’s it for our contribution. If they want more, then can totally do it (and I will be very appreciative!) but I just don’t think I’ll be up for it. If I am, that’s awesome because I love Thanksgiving and the whole season, but I don’t want anyone to expect there to be a Thanksgiving meal here. 

(Gosh I sound terrible, but I just don’t want anyone to be expecting a vacation when it’s really not.  I also said this WAY nicer and my family is 100% down with it – they don’t expect anything from me or hubs at all. They just want to meet him and spend some time with us. )

As for friends, the plan is to wait 2-3ish weeks at least until inviting people for a short “meet the baby!” in our home. We’ll probaby do like our friends have done before and do small groups at a time (just 2 couples/4 people) for an hour at most.  Most of my friends have kids already and have done it this way and it seems to work out very well. 

I *know* that I don’t want people at the hospital, so we’re not even making that an option. I also expect to be pretty sore and tired for at the very least a week after, so again, not an option for visits. If I’m not feeling good still around week 2, then we’ll delay people coming for a bit. I’m learning this time (being pregnant) is both a very selfish and selfless time – it’s all about me and it’s all about baby – so “we” do what we need or want, when we need to or want to. Everyone else gets to play by our rules.  

As for shots and things for visitors- 90% of our friends and family are either nurses or in the military (or a spouse) so they will all have their flu shot and whooping cough vaccines already.  We do have a friend or two that are anti-vaccine, and that’s fine – it’s their life and their choice – and they can still come and meet him.  We’ll just ask that anyone that isn’t feeling well to please don’t come, vaccine or not (especially because I still get the flu every year with the vaccine, so I understand it doesn’t completely remove the possibility of catching it).  And obviously everyone will wash their hands!!!

Post # 6
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

loden :  My parents live around the corner.  They came over for short bursts, my mom went grocery shopping for me for the first few weeks. I t was great.  My parents are really laid back and fairly hands off.  There when we need them, but not pushy.

My ILs live in another country.  Mother-In-Law came 3 weeks post partum for 10 days.  It was too soon and too long.  I was ready to murder her after 3 days. I should add she is a very nice lady and was trying to be very helpful.  Just, raging hormones… and struggling with the C-Section restricing me from doing a lot.  My Father-In-Law came 8-10 weeks post partum, somewhere in there, for a week.  that went really well- and he has is own issues, however, unlike Mother-In-Law he wasn’t underfoot constantly.  He is quite religious, so he walked himself up to church each morning, took a nap in the afternoon, and would sometimes go for a walk in the yard by himself.  Also, I was more able bodied, so we went for walks and ran some errands together.

This pregnancy, Mother-In-Law is not coming until at least 8 weeks postpartum- factoring having the baby a week late like I did last time.  I suspect we’ll have Father-In-Law sometime in the summer or fall (due in February).

Post # 7
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee

My parents live across the country and my in-laws are 2.5 hours away. My Mother-In-Law stayed with us for a week when we came home from the hospital. It was really helpful to have someone cook, clean, let us watch the baby when we needed to nap, etc. My mother then came out the day before my Mother-In-Law left and stayed a week as well. I was really happy we had them there, especially since I had a c-section and wasn’t all that mobile for a bit. 

My in-laws just visited this past weekend (at 9 weeks) and my parents are coming this weekend and staying 4 days. 

Personally, I liked having help but was glad it was just one person at a time. Two of FH’s siblings came to visit the day after we returned home but they only stayed a few hours.

 

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