(Closed) How did you handle the “plus 1” issue?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Traditionally close family members automatically get a +1. ie siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins.

If it is just one extra and it is a family member I would be more willing to allow it. We gave everyone a +1 so I am sorry I can’t be of more help.

Post # 4
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

“Unfortunately, we have limited space and aren’t able to increase our guest list. I hope you’ll be able to have fun visiting with Cousin John, Aunt Mary, and all the others from the Future Family!” (I’d name a few people she’ll know so that it’s obvious there will be people she’s familiar with there.)

By the way, I agree that adults should get +1, but I understand some people have budget/space restrictions and it sounds like you’ve already decided – so I’m giving advice based on that.

I recommend staying positive (hence talking about the other family that will be there) and not going too in depth about why you aren’t offering a +1. You don’t need to justify, just be gracious but firm and stay positive. It’s hard for people to get upset when you deliver it with a truly kind intent and smile on your face – even over the phone, you can hear a smile.

Post # 5
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

Well, I think you need to firstly have some way of indicating the number invited, on the RSVP. Also, an inner envelope really helps. 

I would tell them “I’m sorry, but we have a very tight budget and have decided to not invite any plus ones unless we have met the individual/they are in a serious relationship (or whatever the rule), so I’m sorry but no the extra guest can not be accomodated” 

Post # 6
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@eagle:  This.

And you may still have people pleading to bring their boyfriend/girlfriend, but you just have to keep repeating your rule.

Post # 7
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would let the cousin bring the plus 1.

Post # 10
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We only allowed plus ones for people who are married/engaged, living together, or have been together longer than a year. That included everyone including the wedding party. My SIL is a bridesmaid and she’s too busy with school for a relationship, my Maid/Matron of Honor goes through guys/girls like we change our underwear, and one Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t know the statues of her relationship. Everyone we invted except for a handful of people fall into that requirement.

We also put on the FAQ section of our website that we couldn’t accomodate guests whose names weren’t on the invite or didn’t say and family.

Post # 11
Member
24 posts
Newbee

Tell them No. Weddings are very expensive and people expect you to invite the entire world. At least you inviting your relatives and if they have girlfriends/boyfriends that you just finding out about, oh well too bad.

Post # 12
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@FutureMrs86:  I would just tell her then that “I’m sorry but we are only inviting plus ones who _____________ (state your rule, but you need to make a concrete rule like together 1 year, engaged, living together, etc etc),  and we won’t be able to accomodate an extra guest.  Thanks for your understanding”

The way your original post is worded is that this person is having someone else ask you if they can bring their SO?  

The fact that they are doing that says to me that they sort of expect they CANT bring them.  

Just say no in the most polite way you can, and don’t give it any other thought.  

Post # 15
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Stand your ground.  They don’t need a reason why their GF/BF wasn’t invited.  A simple “I’m sorry, we cannot accomodate your guest” should suffice.

FWIW, we didn’t invite our cousins with +1s as they are all younger than us.  There is one that is about to be engaged and we did invite her boyfriend, but really it’s a family affair and if they can’t survive 6 hours w/out their SO, oh well.  I refuse to spend over $1500 on dates for my cousins!  I’d rather have some of our friends there.

Post # 16
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

@FutureMrs86:  Then just go on your FI’s facebook and write back the Aunt.  Just say no, that we aren’t inviting dates unles ___________ (state the rule).  

Prepare for the Aunt to maybe bitch about it, but stand your ground!

Oh, and don’t say “Maybe closer to the day, we will get No RSVPs and we’ll see then if they can be accomodated.” if you have no intentions of doing so.  Just say no they can’t come…. and be done with it.   

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