Post # 1
Hello! I’m a lurker bee, but I love reading the waiting boards. It’s been so nice to read what others are going through and feeling. I want to ask you all for a bit of advice on how to bring up the ring if I’m trying to not bring up marriage.
I read the Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan. I definitely see some wisdom in it. I don’t want to bring up engagement a lot if its going to put pressure on him, and its good to be focusing on improving oneself. But I’m thinking about it. OH but I am, believe you me. How could I not? My second job is as a wedding bartender on weekends ( I have heard “At Last” by Etta James more than any one human should). We’ve talked a few times about getting engaged sometime this year, but I’ve way cooled it on bringing it up.
I’m wondering how you all gave input on rings if you aren’t bringing it up to your SO. He hasn’t ever asked me about rings except what my ring size is. I don’t think he would know what I’d like, and I’m afraid he thinks I want a big honking diamond when really I just want something small and vintage-y that won’t snag my sweater.
Priniting out a picture or dog-earing a magazine would make me feel pedantic and bossy, and telling someone like my sister to clue him in if he asks them seems kind of Jr.High. I kind of just want to tell him, but then I don’t want to put pressure on him. But the feminist/ practical side of me is conflicted. I keep thinking that it seems archaic to not bring up these things if I’m thinking about it.
How are you all solving this dilemma?
Post # 4
I didn’t pick out my own ring, but I get those JCpennys and Kohls ads all the time, and I’ll point out jewelry or stuff I like. What if you do the same, I know I’ve seen vintagey styles 🙂
You might be surprised, I love the ring Fi picked out for me, because he chose it with me in mind.
Post # 5
i picked my ring,, he knows how picky i am, and wanted me to get exactly what i wanted
Post # 6
Find a reason to but a right-hand ring, and drag him shopping with you. Though we had pretty open communication about what kind of ring I wanted, this helped us out a lot. I got a beautiful ring for my 25th birthday, and Fiance got to see what I did and didn’t like on my hands without the sales people putting any pressure on him.
Post # 7
You could be looking through a jewelry magazine and ask him what he likes, then say “I like this one”.
I’m for straight-up telling him though 🙂 I came home and said, “Hey, I found a nice ring today. It’s on sale until tomorrow you should go take a look at it.” (It worked!)
Post # 8
I would tell him straight!
ie ‘I like THIS type of ring’….. If you are on the same page with your relationship he will probably thank you for it!
Post # 9
I would have never thought of the right hand ring idea! I think finding a low pressure reason to shop for jewelry might be a very good idea. Great suggestion!
I also like just straight up telling him, or just showing him ONE picture. Something along the lines of these ones 🙂
Post # 10
If you are to a point in your relationship where a proposal is a real, and near possible event, I think straight up telling him a few simple preferences is okay. I would do it in a non-confrontal “I must have a ring and it must be THIS” way, but you will be wearing it for life, you want to really love it.
Post # 11
@imaynaya: i didn’t hint, once we started talking about wanting to marry each each other, i told him what i wanted.
Post # 12
My back then BF asked me whether I’d like some input on the ring, so I thought about it and compiled a few photos that I liked and sent it to him. And the ring he proposed with is truly a style that I love and still a complete surprise!
Post # 13
@imaynaya: You have lovely taste!
Post # 14
We live together and share a laptop. When I was done with it, I would often put a screen size picture of a ring I liked on the computer. He would usually say something like, What’s this? with a smile. I’d usually just say, Oh I don’t know who put that there. It worked, I got exactly the ring I wanted!
Post # 15
I told J a couple years ago what I liked. Then I opened my laptop and showed him exactly what I wanted. I also told him recently (and by ‘recently’, I mean… about two months ago): “If you can’t remember what I showed you, the photo is saved on my desktop on my laptop. You know my password.”
Post # 16
I sent him an email with four styles of the type of ring I want. I just said “save this email for whenever the time comes”
And then later that night I just asked him “so did you get my email”
He just smiled and said thanks