Post # 16
We both knew we wanted kids soon after marriage. I told him I wouldn’t have children with him til we were married, he had actually had baby fever a few years back so that cooled him down. After six months married, I just stopped preventing (asked him first, he said ok) and we decided to see what would happen. We were both surprised it happened so quickly! Getting pregnant on the first or second cycle really does happen to some people so he’s correct that it’s possible. If you aren’t in a rush, I recommend taking a laidback approach at first once he’s really ready and just stopping using birth control. I think people get too “into” trying to conceive with the information overload we have these days, tracking stuff from day one, etc. and it makes the whole process seem longer and more agonizing.
Post # 17
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
sassybeee : Your story is exactly what happened to my first marriage. We eventually divorced over it. I suggest going to couples counseling asap.
Post # 18
We are a bit of a different story because we were old when we got married (early 40’s) so literally started trying the night we got married. It didn’t happen after a year so we turned to IVF and now have a beautifiul baby boy. When I asked my husband if parenting is everything he thought it would be he said “easier” so I think they often make it sound like this big, bad thing in their minds. It certainly changes your life but I think in a good way.
Post # 19
sassybeee : So my fiance and I get married in 9 days and have plans to TTC shortly after.
He’s super ready and would be happy to start trying as soon as we are married.
Im like your husband _ im excited to have a baby with him but I also like our life how it is. We originally said we would start right away in July/August. I ended up pushing it back to October bc I am training for a half marathon. I also want to be done with school so it could be pushed back a couple more months depending on how my program progresses in the next few months.
My fiance has said hes worried about the same thing you are – will we just keep pushing it back and never do it? I assured him no, I want to TTC but stated my thoughts about the half marathon and the school issue and reassured him we would start by this winter at the latest.
I know its hard not to worry, but babies are PERMANENT and life will change forever. I think its ok to give him a little time, just discuss what amount of time feels reasonable or unreasonable and find something you can both live with.
Post # 20
sassybeee : our situation is the opposite. My hubby is all let’s do this, right this minute. He literally, the last few months has been asking can we make a baby every time we are intimate. I’m like ‘No we start in August’. I’m the one who is like your husband. The more real it becomes, the more I’m like holy crap and I’ve always known I wanted kids.
I will say that your husband needs to be real. His life and your life will charge with kids. No escaping that fact unfortunately.
Post # 21
LilliV : tiffanybruiser : yeah, I do understand him wanting everything to get back to normal and wait a few months. It’s just at this stage, every cycle we don’t try feels like a BFN to me. I suppose in the long run a couple months really doesn’t make too much of a difference.
livster : yeah I understand that. I’m just worried that if he pushes it off for so long and then it takes us a while to conceive then I’m going to feel some resentment (which I really don’t want to feel!). It’s definitely tough not being on the same page.
lunalovegood88 : I’ve tried to suggest the laid back approach, but he’s convinced that he has “super sperm” (LOL) and I’d just get pregnant right away. I’m already off of the BCP but we are using pull out still.
lisaeversman : yikes, I’m sorry to hear that. I think if it’s something that keeps getting pushed back then we will definitely consider that.
Prettysmile40 : Everyone says how life only gets better with kids, which is one of the reasons I think I’m so eager to have them. I think we’ll continue to have an amazing life and still do all the things that we enjoy doing now! I think it’s just hard for him to picture that.
mel2 : yeah, I think it’s important to come to a compromise. Thanks for your response 🙂
cmsgirl : yeah exactly. But I think he needs to know that it will likely change for the better!
Post # 22
My hubby was the one who wanted to start trying as soon as we got marries, I wanted to wait so we compromised and waited a year. After about 8 months we discussed starting in month 9 or 10 but when it came down to it I wanted to push back to a year again. Once we started I got pregnant basically straight away, which I wasn’t really expecting, and then spent the first trimester wondering if we’d done the right thing to start so early. Thankfully I’m over that anxiety (now approaching the end of the 2nd trimester), but it also glad we didn’t start any earlier. Pregnancy and having children obviously means big changes so it’s important to be on the same page and I believe it’s important to wait for the more reticent person to be fully on board before those changes start.
Post # 23
sassybeee : My husband is really excited to be TTC (our second) while I’m a bit more reticent. I have a friend who pointed out that a month here or there (and even a year here or there) aren’t really significantly different amounts of time. Pushing back by a month is not going to make much difference (except for the fact that you have been waiting for two years and that’s an added month of waiting and torture for you) – he isn’t likely to get some magical relief for his concerns.
I have friends who are currently traveling the world with their two children. They’re doing world schooling. I’d check out Instagram and find examples of people doing the same, so your husband can see people who are already successfully living in a way that the two of you would love to be doing it. Then, also give him more information about how long it can take to conceive and that even if you were to get pregnant right away, having a baby next year in April versus next year in May or June isn’t really all that much difference.
Post # 24
- Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME
sassybeee : My husband was nervous beforehand, but is even more gung ho now that we are trying. We said we’d start trying after our May wedding, and he continually expressed anxiety about it – how much things would change, projects he wants to get to around the house.
I think men see TTC as having sex once, and then BAM! Baby arrives in a couple months. They don’t tend to think about how long it takes to conceive, and then the 40 weeks to grow a baby. Once I put it in terms of “if we started now, the earliest we’d have a baby is February of next year.” That seemed to help him, and since we started TTC he’s doing more research tahn me! The other night we BDed and he said “I think we missed your ovulation window, but you should still lay down for at least 20 minutes just in case”. The man has started tracking my cycles! Just last month he said he wasn’t sure if he was ready.
Post # 25
If I’m being totally honest I would have to say that he was not fully on board with the idea. But since it involved sex I was able to get him to go along. I wanted to be a young parent so it was the right choice for me. Once the kids were born he was great. It’s just that in our marriage I wind up nudging him into action (kids, house, larger house) and invariably he’s always happy with the results and eager to take credit for the great idea he had lol.
Post # 26
I was kinda your husband. I wasn’t 1000% sure I was ready, but thought I guess now’s as good as any so we started NTNP. I thought it’d take awhile and we’d have some runway, but I got pregnant the first month off BC. While I love LO more than anything, I do wish I had had at least another year to enjoy kid-free life with dh (while somehow ending up with the exact same baby lol). Yes, it’s not like life ends with a kid, you can still travel, you can still go out to dinner, you can still do things, but for us, all that is just much harder. And the experience is completely different. Your life recenters and it helps to be ready for that.
Post # 27
sassybeee : sounds like you got more than a trip. You got the adventure of a lifetime! good for you guys.
Post # 28
Thanks for all the advice ladies!! Just wanted to update you all. I sat down d.h and had a chat with him. Brought up all my fears of it taking a while to conceive, etc. He ended up telling me that he just didn’t feel ready to be really intense with TTC (aka temping, BDing all the time during my fertile window, using pre-seed, etc). I totally get that. So we’ve decided that for 2 months we are just going to NTNP, and if it doesn’t happen then we can start trying harder, haha.
I may still sneak in an OPK here or there, but I’m happy we had the conversation 🙂 I guess it’s time for me to join the TTC boards! 😀
Post # 29
We are a bit older than you (DH just turned 35 and I’m almost 32) which was a factor for us. I am the more hesitant one, as I’m currently in grad school and I worry about it being much harder to finish my degree after taking a break to have a baby. Darling Husband is more carefree and was set on TTC as soon as possible. We have been TTC for the past 9 months and haven’t been successful yet. It’s so hard to plan it out when at the same time there’s no way of knowing how long it will take! I’m glad we started trying when we did because we’re that much closer to the one year mark and being able to get more tests done.
Post # 30
My husband is also convinced he has “super sperm” and so is not nearly as concerned as I am about the time passing. He’s from a large Catholic family, and his brother has 4 kids – with his SIL who was married previously and wasn’t able to get pregnant in that first marriage. This has convinced my husband that his swimmers are so special that if they got to my reproductive system and found a problem, they’d repair it (pretty sure he’s only mostly joking about that).
We’re both 32 and have been married for almost 2 years. I’m so ready to TTC but he is trying to break into a new career. He hates his current job and wants to be stable and established in a new one before we start trying. We also want to move, which is something I’m trying to work out with my current job to let me transfer to a different office – more political than it should be. Stability is hugely important to him, as his parents had him at a very young age and they had to move around a lot.
This past weekend we started talking more concretely about timelines, and he said he wanted us to be able to go to his friend’s wedding in Europe next summer. I said I would be willing to go pregnant and just not drink – aiming for second trimester to avoid morning sickness and to be safe to travel. So now we might start TTC in February. It’s longer than I’d like to wait, but it was good that we talked about a specific month. When I said I wanted to be pregnant by this Thanksgiving he was clearly not ready, so this is a compromise I’m open to – but it’s still really frustrating to have to wait when I felt ready a year ago.
Next I might have the convo about when to go off BC so my body can re-set its cycles. He hates condoms but maybe we can agree on the pullout method and temping/OPK to avoid pregnancy until we’re both ready. That way I’d understand my cycles and we could have a better chance at hitting the goal on an early try.