How did you know they were the "one"?

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

Because I can’t imagine my life without him. And I mean that literally. I can’t fathom a world in which we don’t grow old together. He’s my absolute best friend and life partner. Once you know, you know! 

Post # 3
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

mindzoo :  just because he doesn’t insult you, calms your anxiety and doesn’t get mad at you doesn’t necessarily mean that this relationship should be a keeper. Those are basic fundamentals in any relationship and should be the baseline not something to put him in some sort of hall of fame. Bad dating can skew your reality of what should be a baseline and what is actually really good.

To answer your question, I don’t believe in the one, I believe that there are multiple people who you are compatible with and can live with as life partners. So in choosing my husband, I looked at his actions and their consistency. The consistency of his actions tells me what type of man he is, tells me what type of partner he will continue to be. Obviously we all have times when we drop the ball, our actions don’t match what we say but if we are more consistent in following through that’s a good sign for me and the rest are one-offs. I also worked out what I wanted from a partner and evaluated whether his actions met what I wanted.

In your case, his not doing anything for a whole month whilst not working would not be something I want. Whilst that in itself would possibly not be enough for me to end the relationship, it would cause me to evaluate his actions more closely. See if what he says matches what he does. I would want to pry a little bit deeper and understand whether that reaction is going to be common. There is the possibly that his reaction was a result of depression but I would want to understand how he saw it and whether he’s willing to get help for future depressive episodes.

Post # 4
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee

i don’t think my husband is ‘the one’. i think we have similiar life goals, morals, money management styles, political opinions, desire not to have children, etc…and that we met at a time in our lives where we were both looking for a relationship that would lead to marriage. 

keep in mind how many people find and marry ‘the one’ and then divorce ‘the one’ as well. you don’t need to have a lightning-struck feeling…but you should be confident that the life you are leading together is one you would be happy to continue with. 

Post # 5
Member
851 posts
Busy bee

I knew because I felt no apprehension moving to each next stage in our lives. Things just progressed so effortlessly. We’re starting the transition into Parenthood now and, while the thought of being responsible for a life is daunting, I have no doubt that I’m doing it with the right person.

Post # 6
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

tinneranne2 :  I think this is a beautiful way of thinking about it. It means you choose your partner every day, and don’t stay in something because you’re too frightened to face the truth of a situation.

 

For me, she is literally my best friend. That’s how we started to fall in love. I would prefer to do things with her than be on my own – and that’s quite a big deal as I think of myself as an independent human and enjoy my own company.

I completely trust that we’re on the same page about life, we can talk about the hard things openly and constantly have fun together. Also she pretty…

Post # 7
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

I would not want to do life with anyone else. I could not imagine my life without him. I feel no fears with him, no apprehensions. I would compromise things for him without hesitation. He is my best friend and the first person I want to wake up to for the rest of my life. 

Post # 8
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I knew he was the one when it got harder to say good bye because I didn’t want the date to end. When emotionally he was always there for me. The physical and intimate part of our relationship didn’t happen until we got married 

Post # 9
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I knew he was the one when I felt super comfortable being in his company.    We have similar interests and became friends real fast when we met.   I don’t know how to explain it but I hadn’t felt that way around other people. 

Post # 10
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

I don’t necessarily believe that there is just one “the one.” I think there are multiple people who can be “the one” for you, you just have to make the (informed) choice that the person you’re with is “the one” for you for the rest of your life.

Anyway, I knew my SO could be the one before we started dating. We were friends first. I could see myself with him, I just knew that we would be great together. I could feel it. But obviously a feeling’s not enough to build a future together. So as our relationship went on, I knew that he was the one every day, every time I learned something new about him. We get along so well, we are so comfortable with each other, we can be ourselves with each other, we share the same values, the same goals in life, we have made plans to build our lives together, and even when we disagree about something, we are able to have a healthy discussion about it and come to some sort of resolution or compromise.

When you’re still learning new things about someone, even though they may have been “the one” before, the new thing you learn about them may make them not for you anymore. This may be a deal breaker for you. But I’m not sure that one month means that he has no ambition and he wants you to support him in the future, especially since he now has a job. Maybe he was just going through a rough time. It sounds like you are both still young? Have you talked to him, figured out his ambitions, his plans for the future? Does he know what he wants to do with his life?

Post # 11
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

mindzoo :  I think it’s important for a man to be able to pull his own weight. Of course there will be times when one of you might be out of work for a short period of time, but at the end of the day you both need to pull your own weight, not just one person. 

I knew Dan was the one for the following reasons (in no particular order):

Has his sh*t together. 

Extremely sweet and Kind. 

Always puts me and the cats first.

Two masters degrees (put himself through it and lived like a popper to pay off his student debt in 2 years…..shows responsibilty, drive, ambition, and determination).

Long time job at big company. 

has stayed with me through my addiction to alcohol, being my support network (been clean for 10.5 months now)

Good in bed. 

Can hold a conversation with my father – lol

Loves family. 

Is all around a good guy. 

 

Post # 12
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I am a very odd person. 😀 I can be very extroverted, very introverted, very deep-thinking, very broad-thinking, very emotional, very logical, very procrastinating, very opinionated, very open-minded, very judgmental, very orderly, yada yada. Anyone who can tolerate me gets a gold star, without a doubt.

So when I met this guy, a very introverted, easy-going, free-flowing, open-minded, gentle, and sentistive man, I knew instantly he was special compared to other men I’ve met. He didn’t just TOLERATE ME. He wanted to KEEP ME! Other men tend to belittle me for my personality. “Ermahgerd can’t you calm down for just one second why are you crying all you are doing is holding a newborn baby” and that kinda stuff. 

Nope. This guy, this blessed man, is totally chill with how weird I am. He hugs me when I’m sobbing during a movie, he laughs when I tell a terrible joke (and he tells terrible jokes back to me!), he isn’t very orderly and a little bit of a procrastinator, but my orderly self organizes the heck outta that dilemma! And his open-mindedness and peaceful, gentle nature calms me and makes me feel so loved. 

He is so special. Beyond special. He’s the one. I knew it as soon as I recognized his personality and how okay he was with tolerating me. 

We like the same things. We both have no debt because we hate debt that much! He has a solid great job in the Army and is willing to sacrifice his life for our country. He loves and wants children, and calls my family his. And he loves my cat and tells me I’m beautiful every single day (I think I’m potato and that he’s delirious but whatever).

I don’t know. Maybe others are right saying “there isn’t just ‘the one'” but I have yet to see that as a reality. I have never met anyone in the world as okay about being around me as my fiance, and I feel so blessed and lucky to have met him 🙂 

Post # 13
Member
7496 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Still waiting.

Post # 14
Member
8267 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I just feel comfortable with him, like I can always be exactly who I am and don’t have to hide anything or any part of me when I’m around him. I remember in the first few months of dating sitting on a couch with him watching some dumb movie and thinking to myself “I love this, I could be with him the rest of my life and be happy just doing this”

Of course all the big stuff lined up – we both want kids, similar goals in life, a lot of shared interests, etc but you can find that with lots of people. There’s just something about my husband that’s exra, that means he can be my best friend and I never have to question our relationship. Its a little something extra that just clicks and I don’t know that I can truly explain it. 

Post # 15
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I would be wary of a relationship with a man you find yourself nitpicking (even it it’s completely justified). That breeds resentment in both of you and becomes a toxic and permanent pattern.  My ex-H is an amazing person and I still adore him, but there were many things about him that drove me crazy. Let’s just say, legitimate things. I ranged between trying to accept them, help him correct them, and flat out criticizing him. It’s just toxic.

My partner now, he’s just perfect. I mean not literally, but he’s perfect for me. Fun, smart, interesting, loving, sweet, humble – and also responsible, neat, hardworking, diligent about taking care of himself, observant… those things that make sharing a life with someone much, much easier. 

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