(Closed) How did you know when you were ready?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I know exactly how you feel in terms of “affording” a child. I want to be a stay at home mom myself and my husband is also self employeed and although things are good now I worry about the future. It doesnt help that I am the youngest of four and all my siblings were able to either stay at home or their wives were able to. My mom allllways says comments like “Do we need to talk to your husband” about her beliefs on staying home. I assure her this is something we both want… I just hope its something we can do. I know everyone feels differently about this issue but it would litterally break my heart to have to put my child in daycare and not spend every moment with them. I already itch to get home if my husband is home an hour earlier than me from work haha. Imagine a baby!

Post # 5
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@roxy821:  Not to totally freak you out, but when you do get pregnant, the worry doesn’t go away.  It gets worse.  I am a money-worrier on a good day, but throw in something big, and it’s all I can do not to freak out (I was insane about my wedding budget, people thought I was nuts).

You just never know what life is going to throw at you.  My husband and I were completely financially prepared for one child and then surprise!  Twins!  So we are really worried about finances now.  But we just have to figure that God will provide.  He is the one who blessed us with these children so we have to trust that He will give us the means to provide for them.

Don’t mean to step on toes if you aren’t religious, but I think you just have to move forward and realize that there will always be what ifs.  You just have to trust that everything will turn out OK.  Listen to your DH!

Post # 7
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

EVERYONE has this freak out that you are having when you decide to TTC.  We decided at the 1 year mark to start trying, and I had a MELTDOWN of epic proportions about a month ahead of time.  Mine was about how everything was going to change and how I like my routine, etc.  But then the sheer terror went away and I made peace with it.  Unlike some pps, my fear and paranoia didnt get worse-it al but went away,  Yes, I still have freakouts here and there where I absolutely LOSE it and melt down and sob, but it passes.  Here is the way to look at it – you will never be in the financial/personal/etc place you want to be to start TTC.  There is never a “perfect” time to do it.  So just go for it. 

Post # 9
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with Lilbay– evey though sometimes things feel almost unatainable it works out for ppl everyday. You find a way to make it work

Ironically my husband and I are looking for a house right now to buy… so that is added pressure as well. Ideally I would love to start a family in a house we own. But if things dont work out that way they dont and we will still be happy in whatever situation  we are in

Have any of you guys seen the show extreme couponing? I watched about 3 hrs worth on Friday night and one of the girls has like a 2 yr supply of diapers and no kids!!! She got all of these diapers FREE with coupons. I was like she is crazy she needs to donate that to someone so it doesnt go to waste. Then she talked about how she doesnt have kids now but will someday and will be prepared… Is it crazy that I thought of creating a stash for myself haha ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

hahaha I know!! but definately has inspired me to look for diaper coupons ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@roxy821: Yep, thats why we didnt tell ANYONE when we decided to start TTC.  They would have talked about nothing else and been all in our business, and we didnt want or need that extra stress.  You stress enough on your own because its such a HUGE decision.  Sometimes people dont get that their excitement makes things worse-not better

Post # 13
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@roxy821: I freaked out too because EVERYTHING changes and I felt like I was the only one who had to deal with it since my husband isn’t carrying the baby, doesn’t have to stress about how he’ll look after it’s born and won’t be leaving his job (but he has been super super supportive and he is taking extra classes so he can get a pay raise).

I agree that there’s never really a “right time” but there are people who make it work with so much less than what I have so I know it can be done. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I feel like it’s very normal to freak out over money when having a baby. I don’t work due to health reasons, so it just made sense to continue that when the baby comes. I hate that I can’t contribute financially right now, but I know I’m doing what’s important, and that’s staying healthy to keep the baby healthy. We’re also buying a house, so that adds to the stress a lot.

For me, it’s helpful that we have a good support system around us. Both of our parents are nearby and always happy to help. My parents are always saying that they’re happy to help with money if we need it. While of course I never want to have to take them up on that offer, it’s nice to know our baby will always have food and a roof over her head.

Post # 16
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@Roxy821  Are you the same gal who is a huge huge planner? I seem to remember you saying something about a pre-conception doctors visit and all that good stuff.

To put some things into perspective for you, my sister had a baby December of 2010 and was in NO WAY emotionally, financially, or anything else prepared. She was living in an old machine factory with her boyfriend and had to spend the entire 9 months of her pregnancy doing renovations, finding money to get basic heat and electricity in the place, and then pay for everything else for the baby.  She had a great support system, but the reason I’m bringing this up is just because if SHE could do it in her circumstances? I am confident anyone can.  My Darling Husband also had a friend of his get a girl pregnant very young.  Dude had tons of problems but still was able to raise a gorgeous and intelligent now 10 year old girl.  Bottom line, once you’re pregnant you and your spouse will do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to be able to take care of that baby.  I don’t think anyone is just entirely care free about pregnancy, as women we all have preconcieved notions which can turn out not to be true and fears about many things.

How about trying to change your mentality about it a little bit?  Worst case scenario is you having to MAYBE work PT if you guys get into a pinch and I’m more than willing to bet it wouldn’t even need to be that.  Again, this is WORST CASE and something your husband has said he would prevent at all costs.  Additionally, with all of your family being SAHM’s there has GOT to be someone who could watch your LO if something did happen financially where you needed to contribute.  Again, these are WORST CASE scenarios.

Give your husband a ton of credit.  While I know women get the short end of the stick for having to carry the baby and deliver your husband will carry around the stress and to many men priviledge to provide soley for his family.  That is an ENORMOUS undertaking for a person which lasts much more than 9 months.  You’ve got a man willing to do anything to bring a child into this world with you.  You sound like the luckiest girl in the world!

 

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