(Closed) How did you know you were READY to have a LO?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think personally Darling Husband and I were both ready to start a family whenever it was possible(he has a 2-year daughter from a previous relationship). I don’t think there is ever a thing as financially stable or a perfect life, if you wait for that, it could take a lot longer than you think or hope it would. I honestly think it’s a choice of personal preference as to when you want to start a family. We both knew we wanted to start a family soon after we were married and as it happen, we got a BFP almost exactly 2 months to the day after we were married. Things have a funny and odd way of working themselves out if and when you want to start trying for a baby. We’re expecting my first, his second, in July and couldn’t be happier with our decision. Of course if you both want to wait and travel etc before you start trying for a family obviously I would do that first so you don’t regret it later. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you and Darling Husband are on the same page. The last thing anyone wants is for 1 to be happy for a BFP and the other to be upset by it. Starting a family should be exciting news and trust me, when the time comes for you, it will be. πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
4582 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My mom has always told me “If you wait for the perfect time to have kids, you will never have kids,” and I think she’s absolutely right. She had me when she was 18 – she never would have planned that, but that’s how it happened and she couldn’t imagine it any other way. My parents were more careful after I was born, and even though they talked many times about having another baby, the timing never seemed right, and so I’m an only child.

As for me and Darling Husband, he seems very ready but he doesn’t overthink things the way I do. There are certain things I wanted to accomplish before having kids: move into a bigger home, big trip to Europe, etc. But I’m turning 29 this spring and my clock is ticking, so there’s a very good chance I’ll say “screw it” this year and just try for a baby. Everything else will fall into place in its own time, but if I keep waiting to get pregnant, it may never happen.

 

Post # 5
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We were married after 4 years of dating and when I was 37 1/2.  DH is a couple years younger but my age was a big factor in deciding when we were “ready”.  I’ve always wanted kids, but never met the right man.  Then I met the right man and 4 years went by so quickly and honestly, the timing still wasn’t right.  We had great careers, but they were growing, we want a bigger house and are trying to save for that, we want to be able to take some more trips, etc.  I struggled a lot with all this and with what I felt was a shortened window of opportunity for me.  At the end of the day I decided that there will be no perfect time, and I believe that 100%.  We didn’t know how long it would take so we pulled the goalie on the honeymoon and 2 months later we found out we were pregnant.  We were a bit shocked and nervous but we are very excited and are looking forward to the arrival of our LO this summer.  We still don’t feel quite “ready” but I have no doubt once she’s here that we will be more than ready.  

Post # 6
Member
4325 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@CherryWaves:  I have nothing to add, other than to thank you for starting this thread. I am 30, and I wonder if I am broken, because I have never had the URGE to get pregnant. I can’t wrap my head around that concept. I’m poking my nose on this thread to see if anyone has had a similar experience as me, not feeling compelled to have children. Did you change your mind later because you WANTED to, or did you just feel you HAD to, or else time would run out? I don’t want to be in that position. I want to want kids because my husband does, but I don’t know if I have it in me to get pregnant.

Post # 9
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m right there with you.  I think I might want kids someday, but it is hard to envision it.  I like my life the way it is, and I don’t particularly like children.  I want to want kids too because my husband wants them. 

I’ve started asking people (casually) why they decided to have kids, and no one really has a good answer πŸ™‚  My husband says he wants kids because he thinks it would be fulfilling to be a father and thinks he would be good at it.  I’ll be 29 next month and I think we will probably reevakluate in a few years, but I can’t see it happening anytime soon.  I think my husband thinks, even though I tell him otherwise, that we can just start having kids whenever, but I don’t want to have kids too late, if we have them at all.

I’ve heard my share of pregnancy horror stories, but getting pregnant and delivering doesn’t scare me.  It’s after the baby is born and the stresses associated with that, that scare me, also having to go back to work full time, and then maybe there are a few good years until the kid goes to middle school and starts to hate you πŸ™‚  Only one of my friends that has a baby seems happy, and that is scary.

Post # 10
Member
4325 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@EleanorRigby:  Eh. I’m the opposite. I am TERRIFIED of childbirth. I am also TERRIFIED of childrearing. How do you know if you are doing it right? What if you mentally scar your child? Everyone has that one family member that did something that stuck with them. Some more than others. I don’t want to be that guy.

Post # 12
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, I’m 3 days out from my C-section and still worry about being ready. Basically, our reasoning was that we were both 28, we knew we wanted children at some point, but 30 was approaching quickly, and we also knew we could afford a child, had been dating for 10 years and married for almost 3  We finally just had to say, “it’s time” even though it was scary. I was really envious of those people who absolutely knew it was time for sure. 

But here we are, and we’re definetly excited. I’m just a worrier anyways. πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My Darling Husband got the “baby rabies” just before he turned 30, but it took me pretty much twelve months of thinking about it before I would even contemplate TTC.  Add into that my personal requirement of getting married before trying for a baby and the twelve months of NTNT and TTC, it gave us a nice window of about three years to prepare for the reality of adding a wee one to our family.

I initially had a whole lot of selfish / personal reasons for not TTC’ing as soon as Darling Husband got the baby rabies, part of it was the fact that I was losing weight and pretty happy with my body (I had ab’s!) but I was in no way ready to walk away from working (I want to be a SAHM) and I really wanted to take a good look at our financials and make sure that we were on the same page about our future together.  I should also mention that we were about six months away from taking a vacation to the US and I was certainly not going to miss out on anything fun while we were on holiday!

In some ways, I think being ready is not about how much money you have or how long you’ve been together, I think it’s about having a plan to make the best out of what you have and then making it work.

 @CherryWaves:  Like you OP, if we had got knocked up at any stage of our relationship we would’ve kept the baby and dealt with the situation accordingly.

Post # 14
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

For those that aren’t sure, but want to just for your husband, PLEASE really think it through.

Being a parent is the hardest job on earth…but the most rewarding. πŸ™‚

It surely is not for the faint of heart.

Post # 15
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2001

I always knew I wanted kids.  When I found out I was pregnant, it was a total surprise.  DH and I weren’t married yet, and hadn’t been together very long.  After I got over the shock, I just dove right into the pregnancy/marriage/family thing.  Days before finding out I was pregnant, I would have said I wanted to wait years before having babies.  Looking back, it was perfect timing, and he was the perfect baby for us.  

As for how babies change everything, well, they do.  But some of those changes are so awesome!  Maybe Darling Husband and I aren’t taking long amazing romantic vacations.  But we take our kids to Disneyland and see the wonder and joy in their eyes, and it’s amazing!  Seeing the world through my children’s eyes has changed me and made me a better person.  And we still plan on taking those amazing romantic vacations when our kids are grown!

Post # 16
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My daughter is 12 days old and I’m still worried I’m not ready. lol.

Honestly, we were at the point where we were “Oh, we might have kids someday…” Someday being a distant future at LEAST 5 years down the road. Then, I got pregnant last summer and spent months worried about things. We had 9 months to figure out how we were going to do this.

The only thing I can really say is that while you’re never truly ready for a baby, your brain knows what to do when you have one.

The topic ‘How did you know you were READY to have a LO?’ is closed to new replies.

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