Post # 1
I’m getting married in a week and a half. I am 29, he is almost 31. We’ve discussed having kids and agree that we want them. He has said he’s ready whenever I am to start TTC.
I’m more hesitant. Until a couple years ago, I thought I didn’t want kids. I have a pretty intense job that I would not be able to keep with a baby. I’m fairly vain (I know this is terrible) and afraid of becoming a bloated mess and my body never being the same again. I like being able to do whatever I want on the weekends and sleep through the night.
But…whenever I see a family with young kids, I feel a pang. I definitely *want* that life and I know FH will be a great dad. It’s just the logistics of it all that terrify me! I’m not sure if it’s my Type A personality or what, but I wake up in a panic wondering if I’ll ever be able to figure it all out.
So Bees, tell me. How did you know you were “ready” for a baby?
Post # 2
I’m still not ‘ready’ but I sure am getting close. I know it because the things that are preventing me from feeling ready are feeling less important compared to the joy I would have with a child. Things such as sleep, money, free time. Haha. Typing it out helps me to see I still do need the next year. But my husband is also ready whenever I am, we’ll have been married a year next month and together for 10 officially this summer. I’m 31, he’s 36.
Thinking as soon as this winter getting my IUD removed and starting to try within a few month after that. I’ll be 32 and hubby will be 37.
Post # 3
Commenting to follow. I’m turning 26 in June and the conversations have begun in terms of maybe TTC next summer/fall 2019 after my 27th birthday. I have to get my IUD out in the spring anyways so it kinda just flows timeline wise. I often have the same thoughts as you do and even the same stupid vain one, worried about my body etc. Girl, I hear you! :p We also want to be in a house ideally before we have kids! And I definitely woulnd’t mind squeezing in another “big” vacation before too!
Post # 4
Yes! I know we will be waiting at least a few more months. Starting to look at new homes in May, then a trip to Hawaii in September (rescheduled from late April due to my fiance breaking his ankle). But I’m afraid I’ll never feel ready! I gained like 10 lbs last year and worked super hard to get it off and I’m feeling very body confident right now. I worry I’ll never look this good again, haha.
Post # 5
I’m 37 and we had been married for 6 months so we didn’t want to wait too long. We both have stable demanding jobs, have a house, 2 dogs and were feeling ready. We could have waited longer if I wasn’t in my late 30’s.
I don’t understand why you would need to give up your job though unless you want to. There’s lots of women with demanding careers who work and have kids. Just need the right supports.
Post # 6
I guess I should rephrase. I would give up my current job because the demands and time away from home it requires aren’t worth it to me. The company I work for is very inflexible and it would probably be difficult to even manage the late stages of a pregnancy with the appointments, etc. What I get out of the job is not enough to keep me away from an infant 12+ hours a say. That’s not to say I would give up working entirely. Just not where I am today.
I can see how your age would definitely influence your timeline. Wishing you the best 🙂
Post # 7
My husband and I are getting close to trying. We have a house, for pets, and stable jobs.
We tried last year but I had an MC that really messed with my cycles and we decided to focus on ourselves during the time that I’m trying to reregulate. We are working on getting in shape and healthy so we will be in the best places when we start TTC again. TTC is a constant conversation for us. We got a puppy about a year ago and that really made us see how ready we were to be parents and how well we worked together. My DH’s cousin also just had twins and when we met them we literally feel in love. We got in to the car and we’re basically like we are starting once we get the okay again. We just know that we are ready.
We are both excited and nervous for everything this next journey will entail. But we are ready for it. None of the stuff we would be missing out on is comparable to the joys of a family and kids to us.
Post # 8
I don’t know if we were “ready”, but we had an idea of when we want to start trying, booked a vacation right before that, and then just went for it. Got pregnant two weeks later, so be prepared for that if you decide to start TTC. It could happen quickly.
I have a 9 month old, and yes, we don’t get the same quality of sleep we used to. I am in Canada, so I’m still on maternity leave. But, I had a pretty demanding and intense job before I went on mat leave. We’ve already decided that I won’t be going to back to that job when my leave is up.
Leaving the house is difficult. I have to get both of us ready to go and ensure his diaper bag is ready. And he really needs to be on his nap schedule, so we are limited to 1.5 hour outings during the day.
I had abdominal separation during pregnancy, so my belly looks completely different, and not for the better. I thankfully have no stretch marks, but I do have loose skin that I still hoping will improve more than it has, and I’ve had to go to pelvic floor physiotherapy to address the separation. I am wearing bikinis this summer, but they will all be high waisted. Luckily I lost all the baby weight and then some by month two, but I didn’t look the same as before pregnancy. I also had a caesarian birth, so I have a scar and a bit different recovery than a vaginal birth.
Other than those things you mentioned, there is the mental and emotional toll of motherhood. I had postpartum anxiety and did not feel like myself for several months. Breastfeeding and pumping were a huge struggle for us, that we continue to battle, though that has improved quite a bit. And my house is constantly messy now. It’s frustrating.
But having my son is amazing. I am so lucky to have him. We have so much together. This morning we went to swimming classes, and watching him splash around in the water and have a blast is incredible. He is worth all the above.
Post # 9
We decided to try when I turned 35. (Dh is 38) We we’re on the fence, both really happy with how our life’s were but I think we both thought we might regret it if we didnt. I still don’t know if we’re ready and I’m due next week! Lol
Post # 10
I can commiserate with you about the body thing. I worry about that so much. Im 26 and fluctuate between 135 and 140 and I’m not happy about it. Getting pregnant terrifies me because I don’t want loose skin, weight gain, or stretch marks but it’s part of the package. However, we want a kid so I have to do my best to cope with that but it’s definitely not vain to me. We decided we were (are) ready becausr we accomplished major things that we wanted to do before a kid. Those things were for me to finish college and start mt career, to get married, and buy a house. We did all those and we’re financially stable and both on the same page as far as timelines. I guess we’re as ready as we could possibly be but I still worry about it because it’s a huge deal.
Post # 11
We got married last March, I’ll be 30 this month and he will be 36. We decided to go for it in October anddd..we are expecting our daughter this July. So it happened quicker than I thought it would.
I’ll admit, I can be pretty “vain” like you said, and I like working out and looking nice. And I still roll my eyes as the women who act like they were “born to be mothers” and that’s their sole mission. That’s definitely not me.
What I’m learning is I think your body can bounce back quickly I’d you continue taking care of yourself. One thing that really struck me right before we tried TTC, was that I was tired of doing the same thing every weekend. Going out to bars, trying to find something to do and in our city it just always involves drinking. I thought it was wasteful, knew I wanted more and we werent getting any younger. I felt like if we kept waiting we’d be waiting for ever.
So, here we are. Lol. And I dont regret it one bit. I am ready to not be pregnant and meet our daughter, but I feel like now was a good time for us.
Post # 12
They say if you wait until you’re ready to have kids you’ll never have them. You could feel ready before ttc but then freak out at any stage during the pregnancy that you aren’t ready! It’s all normal because it’s a huge responsibility!
Maybe have a list of things you want to do before you have a baby that you absolutely don’t want to do while pregnant or once you have a child.
I know it’s hard but try not to worry about what you’ll look like after. If you stay as active as you can, be healthy (though allow yourself some treats! Making a human is hard and some days it’s just sleep and chocolate!), and keep hydrated, I’m sure you’ll be fine! Some people gain nothing but baby weight and others gain loads, once you get back into a normal routine you’ll get back to your normal. Obviously age and genetics have a hand in it to, look to the women in your family to see how they coped physically with pregnancy!
Post # 13
I was mostly ready once we both had good jobs, car, own house and had lived together for a year- so age 28. I always had that broody feeling though which got stronger over time but I felt more mentally ready once I felt all our ducks were in a row. We didn’t get married until a year after that when I was 29 and D.H wasn’t ready until 5 months after that so started trying when I was 29 and a half. Now I’m approaching 31 and still no pregnancy/ baby- had one CP 9 months ago and nothing since so we’ve started fertility investigations.
Obviously there are others on this thread who got pregnant straight away and statistically 80% do in the first year of trying but bear in mind it could take a lot longer too. No way to know until you try. There’s no perfect time so you just need to feel it’s something you want and perhaps have accomplished whatever personal goals you want to that will be harder with a child.
Post # 15
I so relate to the part about you being bored of the same old ‘hedonistic’ life, I said the same thing to my husband yesterday as we were out for brunch. We had a list of things to accomplish before tttc (and most of those were small things like squeeze in one last trip just us too – we ended up squeezing in 3, see friends more, read more, etc) and even put our plan on pause for months at end (started trying in december, paused it until this cycle).
When we initially were going to start I had a hard time reconciling not being able to go out for dinner as we please, spending money as we please, sleeping in, Not having anyone to attend to after a long day of work, bingewatching tv, but over the last two months something shifted in me and I don’t care about those things as much as I used to. I don’t think of sleepless nights and exhausted days with dread anymore (though I’m sure it’s hard and I absolutely don’t discredit that), but basically I just feel less will to hold tightly onto our current life, and am way more open and welcoming to change.
A couple of weeks ago we went abroad and saw some of our childless friends, we drank, ate, went out, went to see plays, had many experiences and I still felt ready to let go of that life which I’ve never felt before. Combine that with a really strong will to be a mother (when I’ve always been ambivalent) and see my husband be a dad, and that’s how I knew.
Post # 14
nlovesm : Mls1988 : I think I’m close to this mindset. Some of our friends are still going out and partying on the weekends and we never really feel like joining them. We’ve traveled. I have climbed up high enough in my career where I’m comfortable potentially taking a little time off. The thought of experiencing new things with a child is exciting to me.
I think once we buy our home, we’ll really feel settled and ready to go.