Post # 1
First post in this forum… and a bit of a strange one as I think “confused” pretty sums up how I feel about this whole topic right now.
I am 23, married for 2.5 years, my husband and I have been together nearly 5 years. We want to be young parents, but also have some time alone together and also feel old enough and mature enough to expand our family. Financially we are in a good position now to have a child and we both have stable jobs etc. There is no reason other than not being ready to not have a baby. We had a bit of a “scare” last month, I was 5 days late but I did come on eventually. It kind of forced us to actually talk seriously about kids though and now I am not sure what I feel!
Right now I am thinking if we start trying late 2015/early 2016, chances are (unless I get pregnant first try) that I will be 25 at when the baby is born. This seems like a pretty good age to me, but how do you really know if you are ready? I really want kids and there is also a part of me that feels like I want one NOW, which maeks me think is waiting another year silly if we feel we want one now, just because other people think we are too young now?
I appreciate that this post is probably extremely rambly. I really want a baby, well more than 1, but I also want to make sure I am ready so I can give that child the best life possible.
Also… for those of you thinking of TTC in the next year or two, what lifestyle changes are you making? I have always had a goal of being fit and healthy and in the best shape possible when I get pregnant, so that I can have a healthy pregnancy and post pregnancy time as well.
Post # 2
No one is ever truly ready. I’d say from the sound of things, you guys might be as ready as you’ll ever be. I got married 3 1/2 years ago at 26. Everyone asked when we’d have kids, and we knew we weren’t ready, so we pushed it off by saying, “not til we’re 30.” We’ll 30 came much quicker than we expected, and I only feel slightly more mentally ready now than I was 3 1/2 years ago. Sometimes you just have to dive in.
Trying to eat healthier, lose a little weight, and taking folic acid.
Post # 3
lozzle22: Hi! FH and I were at this point a few months back, when you are caught between the I can’t wait for you to put a baby in my belly, and the are we really ready for this lol. Truth is you will never feel 100% ready because it is something that you have never experienced before, so you will be a little anxious about the unknown if that makes sense. I am 26 and FH is 25, and we have been together 6 years now, one of the biggest lessons we have learned is that you CANNOT plan everything because there are so many things that life can throw at you. We were meant to be married a while back but things came up with work etc, and we decided to save for a mortgage before paying for a wedding, so now we are looking like we are either going to have a really small casual wedding with lunch after in Febuary 2015 or wait until December 2016 for a big shindig, but either way we are going to be ttc from Christmas time. Whenever we plan something life always throws us a wild card, you never know where you wil be next year etc so don’t take it for granted that if you put it off other things won’t happen that make things difficult or blow your plans out the water. You need to just understand it is okay to have fears and concerns, it is perfectly normal! And have a discussion about what your priorities are. Is there any reason NOT to try now? Is there anything you would like to do before you have a baby or are pregnant? Travelling, studying etc? If no then I would give yourselves a trial, set a date, for example a months time, that you will start NTNP, and until then try to get in the frame of mind that it is set in stone and you are trying then, embrace the next month getting excited to do so, talk baby names, nursery designs, anything baby related at all with you DH, and then when the date swings around have a discussion about how you feel, and if you would be disappointed at the prospect of not trying, or you are relieved not to be trying you will know either way how you really feel. FH and I have spoken about wedding and starting a family for so long now, and it has only been the past 6 weeks I would say that I have really felt 100% ready, but I still have worries and still scare myself half to death sometimes, especially in regards to giving birth etc. I think if you focus on the negatives it is so easy to scare yourself into waiting, and you will always be able to find a ton of excuses not to. The question I ask myself is, what is the most important thing in your life, and that for me is having a family, and then suddenly I feel ridiculous for finding excuses not to do it when there is nothing more in this world that I want other than to make FH a Father and the answer is very simple 🙂
Post # 4
lozzle22: Waaah just seen how long my reply is, sorry!
Post # 5
BritishBride2015: Thanks for your amazing answer!! I see your username is British Bride… are you British? I am too!
I totally get all your points… it is scary as it is probably the biggest decision we will make in our life. I still think another year would be good, but we have agreed we are going to talk about it.
I also feel terrible for saying this, but I am also worried about what my mum would say if I got pregnant now. I think she would think it’s way too soon and has already told me not to “waste” my twenties by having kids too soon. So I guess part of me is worried if I had kids sooner, I’d be losing something? I don’t really feel that way in my heart but I also want to make sure I am truly ready and have done all the things I want to do before having a baby.
Post # 6
lozzle22: I am indeed British 🙂 not alot of us on here is there lol. No worries, I just really feel where you are coming from, and I understand the confusion! Yes, another year does sound like it may take you just that little bit further into being comfortable with ttc, but again, if you are waiting for the perfect time to have a baby you will be waiting forever-as the saying goes 😉
I wouldn’t pay too much attention to what your Mother will think (in the politest way), it is YOUR life, YOU who wil carry a child for 9 months, YOU who will give birth , YOU who changes the nappies and YOU who will shed a tear when your baby says “Mamma” for the first time:) I haven’t had alot of support at all in regards to our wedding and starting a family so I guess I am used to it, but FH is my rock, my best friend and partner in crime, and my actions are based on how they will directly affect us, and no one else!
I am well grown out of the party scene, and am pretty much a Susie Homemaker lol, I love cooking, baking, keeping my home spotless etc, but I do love to dress up and go out for dinner, cinemas etc too. We are already tied to our home as we have dogs, so we can’t stay out over night or for too long at any time, so this has kind of prepared us as we have responsibilities and can’t just fritter around with our friends, but honestly I wouldn’t change it for the world. It just takes some adjusting, but it is all more than worth it 🙂
Maybe make a list, maybe like a top 5 or 10 of things you would like to do for when it is still just you and DH, make the most of your time as just a couple, you may well find that you are more ready for this then you thought 🙂
Post # 7
lozzle22: It will be different for everyone. As long as you both communicate and are both ready to make the necessary sacrifices associated with having a child (and can provide a stable, loving home), you will be fine.
Personally, DH is 28 and I am 26. We are financially stable, own a home, have good incomes/jobs and are agressively paying down our student loans. We could have a child tomorrow and be fine/happy, but we know we aren’t ready yet (though the feeling ebbs and flows). We sat down 2 weeks ago and had a serious conversation about a timeline. We agreed that about 2 1/2 years would be ideal for a number of reasons. Now, we have developed specific financial, personal and professional goals that we would like to accomplish in that time before TTC.
As you can tell…we are bit of overplanners, but it works for us. Just do what works for you!
Post # 8
I’m 21 and DH is 24. We are currently TTC (started trying the month before my 21st birthday). We’ve been together for almost 5 years, but before that, we were best friends growing up so we know each other very well. We are certain that we want kids, want to be young parents, etc. I would say that you guys sound as ready as you’ll ever be. Why not go ahead and stop birth control, start saving a little money in a baby fund, and just hope for the best? 🙂
Post # 9
I can tell you if you aren’t a little nervous, you probably AREN’T ready because you’re not really thinking about it. If you both feel pretty ready and you have discussed what your life will look like post-baby, go on with it. If you’d like, you could set some kind of savings goal first.
I thought I would feel SUPER ready by the time we got married (I am 34 and just got married, I didn’t meet my husband until I was almost 32) but I can tell you I feel about as prepared as I did when I was 25. We are excited to start TTC early next year, but its still overwhelming.
Post # 10
I agree with a PP that I don’t think you’ll ever feel 100% ready. Since I got married a little over 2 years ago, I’ve been trying to figure out if we were ready. There were always 2 parts of me – one part was soooo ready for baby and wanted to ttc NOW. The other part of me had to remind myself that I really enjoy being able to make spontaneous plans, go away for the weekend at the drop of a hat, and being able to drink with friends. Over the last 2 years, I went from feeling more of that second part of me, to more of the first part. Sure, I’ll always miss being able to be spontaneous, and drink with friends, but the wanting a baby part of me has now almost completely taken over. I got to this point about a year ago, but it took a little longer to get DH on board. It was important to him that we be financially stable. To us, this meant paying off debt. We decided about a year ago to start ttc Aug 2014 because that was when we had budgeted to get student loans paid off. We did that and started trying that month!
Post # 11
Thanks for all your replies everyone! I agree I will probably never feel 100% ready! Who does really?! We’ve been talking about it over the last couple of weeks too, and will continue to do so, but we are thinking of starting trying at the end of next year. Obviously we will re-assess if anything has changed nearer that time, but we both feel comfortable with that at the moment, and kind of excited too! It means we can spend next year really doing the things we want to do, like travelling, getting in shape etc. Exciting times!
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
I knew I was ready before DH was ready. So we started TTC when he agreed he wanted to. I made sure that we had a 9 month emergency fund saved and that I had enough annual leave saved so I could take at least 3 months of maternity leave. Then it took us 6 months to get pregnant! So I had a lot more time “to get ready” than I needed/wanted.
Post # 13
I feel similarly! My husband and I are both 25 and have been married for a year and a half (together for 8). We are ready “on paper”–own a house, financially comfortable, and we’re starting to feel old/mature enough to have a kid. Whenever we start discussing it seriously, though, we both panic a little and decide to put it off. I have 2 years left on my IUD, so that’s our timeline. I suspect that 2 years will come very quickly, though! Hopefully it will be enough time to do some of the traveling/relaxing/debauchery we want to do and to meet some of our career goals. Friends and family are starting to ask when we’re going to reproduce (it’s annoying that suddenly the state of my uterus is acceptable conversation material……..)
I plan to stay in shape (I do yoga, DH does weightlifting, and we both jog) leading up to trying to conceive, and in about a year I’ll probably start on prenatal vitamins, way limiting alcohol and psyching myself up for a baby (reading pregnancy books, picking out names, etc). We also have a dog, so he will require some extra training before we consider bringing home a child. Right now I just REALLY enjoy sleeping and relaxing and being productive at work, so I’m not *quite* ready to give it up.
Post # 14
lozzle22: I see lots of people saying “you’ll never be ready” and things of that nature and while it could feel that way for some people that wasn’t true for me. I recently had my first child and it was very much planned and hoped for (we tried for four months). We were nervous, but we were definitely ready! I am so, so glad I didn’t have my son any younger- it is such a hugendeal and it is so different now. I don’t mean a lifestyle change exactly (like not being able to go out partying all night or something), but how it just FEELS so different. Sometimes how much my son needs me and how right now my life is ALL about him (and I do leave him with my husband or a babysitter so I can see friends and workout and stuff) is overwhelmimg. I’m so glad that I did have lots of time with my husband and time with friends and time to travel and time to myself. I’m also thankful that many of my friends are having babies or have young children- it’s so nice to have friends in the same boat! I know some people want to be young parents and to each their own but I’m glad I waited until I was 31. Just a different perspective. All the best to you and good luck when you start trying! Being a parent is awesome, I hope I didn’t make it sound like it’s not!
Post # 15
MrsAKSkier: I agree. While I’m not saying I know how to do everything and I think I’m going to be an A+ parent, I am 100% ready to be a parent. I knew I wanted to have a child 5, 6 years ago. I have been with my husband 5 years and we planned to conceive right after the wedding. Everything is in place. I’ve made peace with the fact there is no turning back (38w2d) and I will likely never party in the same way again, or be able to decide to stay at the bar after work spontaneously. It will never be just DH, our dog and I again. It’s going to suck at times and there will be times I will ‘mourn’ my childfree years. But my guess is the pay off will be worth it. I think you know deep down when you’re ready to actually pull the trigger.