Post # 1
I’m 26 and DH is 28. We know that we FOR SURE want to have kids, and feel like if we didn’t, our life wouldn’t be complete. We just don’t feel ready, and I don’t know if I will ever feel ready. Almost all of my friends already have kids and I’ve talked to some of them about it and they’ve all said they all couldn’t wait to be a parent. We feel like we’re the odd ones out 😛
Anyways, we talked about it and decided in a year we will start trying. We want to have 2 or 3 so I feel like I can’t wait too much longer. I’m feeling so much pressure from my family as well, so that doesn’t help very much.
Question is, any other bees feel this way? Did you ever get over it? When did you know you were ready to TTC?
Post # 3
I’m with you….just never had the strong maternal urge. I’ve asked my friends when will I know I”m ready and they all say ” you won’t”. Very helpful! For me, its been a gradual process of spending more time with my friends kids, doing a lot of reading about pregnancy and birth, and parenting. For me, that has helped encourage me that YES I can do it.
Just recently I had an “aha” moment, where I finally felt something exciting when I thought about being a mother. Granted I’m 36, so I’ve had years to prepare. I’m feeling more ready now that I ever have, but I’m still scared. I think that is normal too. 🙂
Don’t compare to others, though. I fyou are like me, your friends all seem perfectly suited for motherhood and never had any doubts about having kids. I think there is such a thing as being ready, mentally, finacially and from a relationship perspective. Oh, and my friends have all had kids by now, so I try not to let their timelines influence ming. I’m loving spending the time with my husband right now.
Post # 4
@Honey_Rach: you’re so young so you not being kid-minded yet makes total sense!! I think it’s GOOD to be questioning and thinking through the process and really carefully deciding timing. I personally want to wait until I’m 30 because I’ll be well into my career, more financially stable, will have time to pay down loans, etc. It’s not that I don’t feel any urge, I just want to plan smartly.
I came from a small town and most of my friends have been married years and are on kid #2 and #3 by now. I’m just now getting married. They all just resolved that I didn’t want or wouldn’t have kids. That’s not true, it’s just different than what they did. When I went to work at a university with my degree, everyone is starting to get married 30-35 and have kids 35-40 so they think I’m so young to be getting married at 27 and having kids potentially at 30. It’s all relative so do what you want. If you’re happy, it doesn’t matter what others think or say.
Just because what you want is differnet from your friends or family, doesn’t mean it’s wrong or that you will never have kids. You have to do what’s right for you and your family (meaning you and partner) because it certainly doesn’t do you or your future child any favors by having them earlier because of factors like being pressured by family, seeing your friends having kids, and feeling like you should.
Post # 5
I was just thinking the same thing
DH and I had our first, set timeline conversation today and have a goal set.
we both know we want kids, and I had raging baby rabies for a few months right after we got married but it’s calmed down now
I’m excited at the thought of having a set goal, but also nervous when we reach it that I won’t be ready. We are 24 and 27
Post # 6
MissTexasFire: we had a set goal too, and when that time came, I said I wasn’t ready, so we re-evaluated. No big deal!
Post # 7
@Honey_Rach: I always have said I was born to be a mom, but if I told you I couldn’t wait to be a parent, I’d be lying. We honestly had a TTC timeline in place, and the only reason we didn’t wait longer is because we couldn’t think of a good enough reason not to. We were ready financially and emotionally. It wasn’t that I desparately wanted to be a mother. We just both knew we wanted to be parents and we better start now while we can’t think of anything to stop us and because we were ready to share our love with someone else. DH was the one that felt he couldn’t wait to be a parent.
There is a lot of pressure from family and friends, and it always seems to happen right after you get married. Take your time and TTC when the time is right for YOU. Nobody else is going to raise your child, so you need to feel ready to take on that responsibility when it suits you and your DH.
*Just to add: Now I truly can’t wait to be a parent. I have up and down days during my pregnancy, but I truly didn’t feel the “can’t wait” thing until I found out I was having a boy at 20 weeks pregnant. Up until that point I was excited and happy, but now I truly can’t wait to hold that tiny little hooman in my arms and cuddle him <3