(Closed) How did you make your wedding a priority?

posted 9 years ago in Money
  • poll: In this world of 'wants' and 'cant affords', how did you make your wedding a priority?
    A wedding has always been important to me/us, so it IS a priority in our lives. : (12 votes)
    19 %
    Our families would be crushed if we didn't have it, so that puts it in perspective. : (7 votes)
    11 %
    We're having a wedding because That's What People Do. Can't back out now! : (2 votes)
    3 %
    We compromised our other goals a little, but we're having a low budget wedding to lessen the blow. : (20 votes)
    32 %
    Someone else (parents, etc) is paying for our wedding. (Lucky you!) : (20 votes)
    32 %
    We're hoping the gifts we receive will make up for the money we spent on the wedding. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    We're not having a wedding. It's just too expensive/we don't want it. : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    796 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I haven’t seen the movie, but I have to say I don’t understand people like the Ben Affleck character, which is fine. I just can’t imagine calling my soon-to-be-husband my "boyfriend" for the next 50 years because he doesn’t want to pay the state $45. Our wedding is a priority because I believe that a marriage is a way to tell the world: this is the person I am choosing to be my family; the most important person in my life; the one I am positive I want to be with every day. The words husband and wife send a powerful message to people, and mean something more than boyfriend or girlfriend. That is how I feel anyway.

    Like a lot of people (women especially, I think) my mother and I (I’m her only daughter) have some strong ideas about what the wedding should be and those ideas cost money. I’m lucky to have lots of people to help pay for the wedding; but I would have gotten married at the court house on a weekday after work if I had to. The wedding is not what’s important to me, it’s the message that the marriage sends out to the world that’s important to me.

    Post # 5
    Member
    456 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I’m not paying for the wedding, so I didn’t vote. I’m my mom’s only child, so I think she wouldn’t be AS happy if we didn’t have some kind of wedding for family at least. We’re getting some money from the Future Father-In-Law too, but right now we’re planning to put that towards the honeymoon, unless the wedding gets a lot higher than anticipated, in which case we’ll help with the cost of the wedding itself.

    I definitely don’t agree with Ben Affleck’s character! Apart from the not calling my FH "boyfriend" or some such forever (I was SO glad I when I got my ring and could say fiance, bf just sounds so childish!), to me, getting married is a LOT bigger commitment, no matter how little difference it really makes in your living situation. And by having a wedding, and including other people, I have all these people that are a part of my marriage in a way. Everyone I’m inviting (pretty much) are people I’d feel comfortable going to for help if I needed advice. And I think that if you’re married you’ll think twice about splitting up when you might not otherwise, even if you’d been together forever. My parents got married too young, and got divorced pretty quickly over fairly minor issues, just because they didn’t think getting divorced was THAT big of a deal. I think it’s a huge deal, so by adding those extra layers of commitment and public vows and all, I’m helping insure we won’t back out when things get tough withour at least really thinking through whether that’s what we really want to do.

    I’m also looking forward  to getting his health insurance and all, it’s SO much better than mine. And don’t you get some kind of tax breaks or something?

    Post # 6
    Member
    115 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    For $45 (or however much the license may be in your area), the institution of marriage guarantees a couple 1,138 federal rights, protections and benefits in the United States.  Those who are unable to marry are denied those benefits.  Just saying… no matter what your behavior whether unmarried or married, the government definitely sees it differently.  So does a medical institution like a hospital– partners and significant others don’t have the same rights as spouses.

    The marriage is important to us for personal reasons as well; we’re happy to pay that minimal fee, and are lucky that we can even have the freedom to marry each other when so many people are denied that right.

    The wedding? not a priority in the grand scheme of things.  I think his mom would be the most disappointed, and my dad because he’d really like to walk me down the aisle. We’re paying for it ourselves, and are lucky enough that we’ve been saving for some time and can afford it.  that’s basically why we’re having it– it’s nice to be able to throw a fun party for the people we love, to celebrate an important occasion.

    If it meant the difference between getting our dream house with that extra money on the downpayment, vs a dream wedding and sucky house, we’d go for the dream house and have a casual housewarming/reception for our friends and family. (Unfortunately the wedding money wouldn’t go that far towards our house, but we can always dream, right?)

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I am paying for my wedding 100% by myself.  My Fiance is paying for the e-ring…but the rest is all me.

    I thought about what you’re saying…is it worth $23k just to say "Hey, we’re staying together forever…" and I think it is.  Both of my brothers had wedding budgets under $1000.  And we attended, and they were nice.  But they both wished they could have done more, and they both want to "redo" it.  I have the unhappy fortune of being my family’s "Great White Hope."  That is, I’m the "successful" one.  I’m the first to go to college.  I’m living 2,000 miles away on my own, with no financial assistance needed.  I’m making it on my own, and advancing in my career.  And my family constantly reminds me about it.  Part of my wedding is honoring the family that has supported me and cheered me on.  Part of it is my own desires: I want the dress and the cake and the whole big thing.  Why?  Because I earned it.  Because it is a culmination of my hard work.  Another part is that I am honoring my Fiance.  And I suppose, if I am honest with myself, that part of it is me showing off.  Showing myself and my family that yes, I did succeed.  Did any of that make sense to anyone???

    Post # 9
    Member
    796 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    It’s definitely an internal struggle I have with myself! I’ve thought all the same things – I could take this money and get a house. But for me, I think I would always regret not having some kind of celebration – the type of which would cost a lot of money. As my fiancee said, we really do have years and years to save for a house. But in 30 years we can’t really have the same kind of party we’d want to have now. 30 might be an exaggeration, but I hope you get my point.

    Post # 10
    Member
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Believe it or not, the wedding is actually more of his thing than mine. He has a big family that loves and cares about weddings, while my family is small and not so close. If I eloped, most of my family wouldn’t notice until I saw them at christmas!!!

    Post # 12
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m with the PP who said this whole thing was more her groom’s than hers.

    I never really thought I’d get married. And I never dreamed about my wedding growing up. Don’t get me wrong, I love and am fully committed to my man. We own a home together and are fully integrated into each other’s lives. But I’d be just as happy to register as domestic partners and live forever in the same situation that we’re in now.

    But marriage was really important to my finance. (By the way I HATE calling him my finance and only do it online for clarity. In my real life I still call him my boyfriend).

    So after several conversations I told him that if he really wanted to be married then I would do it as soon as we were financially stable.  About a year after we bought our house, he proposed (although I forbid him to buy me a ring).

    I still wanted to have a simple courthouse ceremony followed by a nice dinner with our families. But he insisted on a "real" wedding.

    So we compromised and are having an in-country destination wedding for about $10K. It’s still more than I would want to spend on just one day and just one party. But it’s something we can afford to do, and I think we’ll have a great time.

    Post # 13
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • V
    • 9 years ago

    The wedding has NEVER being our priority…we buy things here and there…we’re having it at my parents house and it’s for about 50 people. The entire world will know soon enough we got married but we’re not going into debt to let them know. 

    Your choices are too specific but if I had to select one it would be family…we’re having a church wedding to make everyone happy. 

    P.S. I’m also at the groom’s wishes…lol… he wants the wedding more than i do. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have some complex feelings about marriage and our wedding.  My parents are paying for our wedding (and we are conributing a small amount).  The thought of spending 50K on one day makes me feel a little sick.  Like everyone else, I think the money would be better spend on a downpaymenf for a house, paying off my student loans, saving for the future, etc. 

    I proposed the idea of a low key small island wedding.  My parents did not go for it.  My Fiance and his family really voted for this option.

    BUT the other part of me has always wanted a fairy tale wedding….

    At the end of the day, we realized that although the wedding is mostly about "us" it is also about our families and friends who have been with us, routing for us for the last almost-decade.  We ultimately want to share our special day with all of them.

    So, it is a prority for us, in the sense that we are psyched to have a big party with all of our family and friends and are planning it with the help of our parents (well, mostly mine.)  

    On the issue of the marriage itself, I feel very strongly about the commitment.  It is not a religious thing for me.  I just believe that once you speak the vows your relationship has a new meaning.  My Fiance, on the other hand, feels that it is more of a formality.  He feels like we have been "committed" and therefore "married’ on some level for the past several years.  He ultimately does think that making it official is important but would probably have been happy with a courthouse marriage.  On the one hand, I think the whole "we don’t need a certificate to prove our love and commitment" is sweet.  On the other hand, I think it is something guys say when they don’t want to deal with the hassle of planning a wedding! 

    Post # 15
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    The wedding thing was more my FI’s idea than mine because I am more practical. I am lucky that my parents are footing most of the bill for the wedding.  My Fiance and I are just picking up odds and ends and the honeymoon.  I hope to be able to pay my mom and dad back for some of the wedding expenses.  I am sure we will look back on this day and always smile because we had a great time!

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