How did you narrow down between a big and small wedding?

posted 11 months ago in Logistics
Post # 2
Member
4126 posts
Honey bee

mickeynicki :  the first time around, did you want a big wedding or were you doing it for him? And if you wanted a big wedding last time, does the fact that it didn’t work out make you hesitate to plan a big wedding again? If so, my best advice is to not live in the past (easier said than done, I know) and plan the wedding that you and your Fiance truly want. Does he want a big or small wedding?

Post # 4
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

My story is very similar to yours. Second engagement. My first engagement ended in cheating 10 days prior to our wedding (huge blessing in disguise). My first guest list had 250ish. This time I am inviting no more than 100. I think part of it is that I’m older and want something more intimate. I also don’t want to look back on my wedding in 25 years and think “why in the world did I invite all these people who mean nothing to me now.” Just my reasoning!

Post # 5
Member
4126 posts
Honey bee

mickeynicki :  have you considered more of a medium sized wedding? Maybe 80-100 guests?

 

ETA – don’t stress about what your family thinks as far as you planning another big wedding! If they think that way, they’re jerks. Especially considering the reason the last wedding didn’t happen. 

Post # 6
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Cost was a huge deciding factor for why I had a small wedding (approximately 75 guests). I originally wanted a very intimate wedding with no more than 30 guests but my husband wanted a more traditional sized wedding. We met in the middle. If you want a huge wedding and can afford it, I say go for it. But you may want to pinpoint why you’re feeling hesitant about it.

Post # 8
Member
4236 posts
Honey bee

Budget first.  Always budget first.

How much money are you able to or do you want to spend?  You should be approaching this as “I have X dollars, what does that buy me?”  Rather than “Do I want big or little – big will cost me $25,000.”  Unless of course you have unlimited funds.

If you are only able to budget $5000, that’s fine.  If you want to spend $20,000, that’s fine.  But you build the party around the amount, not the amount around the party.  A party should never be putting you into debt, so that is always the first thing you need to figure out.

Then create a list of VIPs. 

Who do you absolutely want there – non-negotiable?  It could be no one.  You could be totally fine with eloping.  It could be parents, siblings, and BFFs only.  It could be your entire family including aunts, uncles, and cousins.  However, this list should be only those you can’t picture getting married without.

Now, you have an idea of what kind of wedding your money can throw.  If your budget is $20,000 and your VIP list includes only 6 people, you likely have the budget to splurge and pay for a long weekend destination of some sort.  If that seems too grand and you are thinking more traditional reception, then that means you can either splurge on other items or invite more people.  If you budget is $5,000 and your VIP list is 20, this means you could spring for a nice dinner at a private room in a restaurant or this doesn’t seem appealing and you really want all your friends, maybe it means you go with budget BBQ in a park or a cake and punch reception.  Or if your budget is small and your guest list is huge and the idea of cake and punch isn’t appealing, then you know you need to cut somewhere – either your guest list or be willing to spend more money. 

So start with the budget first and who must be there first.  Then other pieces will start falling into place once you have a more realistic idea of cost and absolute minimum size.  It’s easier to start making cohesive plans when you actually start putting some limits instead of leaving everything a wide open buffet of options. 

And if you are having trouble setting a budget, sit down with your Fiance to talk about all of your financial goals and where you are with savings and debt instead of just isolating the wedding as if it doesn’t affect your savings and ability to pay off current debt.  What are you realistically able to save for a wedding that doesn’t put you into debt or drastically alter being able to pay off current debt or put off other financial goals?

Post # 9
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

mickeynicki :  seriously PM me! It seems like we have a lot in common. 

Post # 10
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

“And also money: I’m more rational than I was a few years ago, and a big wedding is expensive when we could save for a house instead.”

If I understand this correctly your choices are a big reception or a house? One is a one day party and one will effect the rest of your marriage. 

You can have a wonderful wedding on a smaller budget.

Post # 11
Member
311 posts
Helper bee

You don’t have to have a very big wedding or a small wedding. You can have it some where in the middle. Instead of inviting 100 people, may be cut it to 50-60. Instead of getting married in a hotel, choose a cheaper venue like a party hall or a library’s hall. You can also cut down on flowers and make your own centre pieces. There are  many beautiful wedding dresses that are not expensive. You don’t have to have a three tier cake, instead, you can have a sheath wedding cake. Also, you can save lots of money by having a destination wedding. It will be easy to cut down people as there will be some who will bow out on their own. Some caterers allow you to ring your own alcohol and they will serve it for you. If you research about it, there are so many ways to save money and have a wonderful wedding. Just like previously suggested, decide on a budget and then stick to it. 

 

 

 

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