- 3 months ago
- Wedding: February 2020
Hi bees! I have posted here about my mom before, but I could use some impartial advice now that I am married.
To catch up in case anyone reads my past messages, my (single, lives alone) mom has been so much better about the constant contacting and having hobbies of her own. In fact, there have been quite a few times I’ve tried reaching out to her about something and she’s been the one ignoring me because she’s been too busy! I’ve been so happy about her renewed excitement for life now that retirement was coming and she had all these house remodeling plans to keep her busy.
But then, COVID struck.
She’s still working, but working from home. She can’t visit with her friends. Her loneliness is (very understandably) creeping up and I’ve been making sure to check in with her more and have video chats. However, she has started to fall into old habits with expecting me to almost be her life partner. I made the “mistake” (not really a mistake, because it is how I feel) of referencing her as “company” when it comes to my house (obviously not now, but we were discussing a hypothetical future visit way down the line once things are better). Essentially she was trying to plan for a long stay, but I said since we will probably be in the process of moving around then, we wouldn’t want company for a long time.
She got incredibly upset at this minor comment, saying she never thought she was “company” before and that “now she knows where she stands.” I was (and still am) quite shocked by her extreme response! I want to highlight that I think were COVID not a thing, she wouldn’t be feeling this way. I think loneliness brings out the worst in us.
So my over-all question is, for those of you who had possibly clingy parents, how did you express having healthy boundaries? I want to best explain to her that this isn’t about not wanting her, but rather about wanting to focus on my marriage and possibly building a new immediate family with our future kids down the line. I fear wording it like that, building a “new” family, will understandably hurt her and isn’t really what I’m trying to say, so I could use some wisdom on how this was handled by you guys.