How did you space your kids out – pros and cons

posted 2 years ago in Babies
  • poll: How many years between your first and second?
    1 : (4 votes)
    9 %
    2 : (19 votes)
    44 %
    3 : (8 votes)
    19 %
    >3 : (12 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 2
    1129 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We aimed for a 3 year gap (ended up about 3.5 years apart due to infertility). The reason being we didn’t want to have 2 in day care at the same time. If finances weren’t an issue we may have had them closer together. 

    Post # 4
    9665 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Commenting to follow!

    We are leaning toward one and done but if we have a second I don’t think we want two in daycare at the same time but I’m interested to hear others’ experiences.

    Post # 5
    264 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t have kids but my sister and I are a year apart and I love having a sibling so close in age. We were always in the same phases of life and have always been best friends. I know this isn’t the case with all sisters close in age, but it is for us. When I have kids, I plan to have them as close in age as possible for this reason.


    My mom was glad to have us close in age because she dealt with the tough stuff in one fell swoop: We did potty training, terrible twos/threes, angsy teenager stuff, etc. at the same time.

    Post # 6
    2527 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I have a different situation I guess but I actually like the way it’s ending up. I have a child from a previous relationship who is 3.5 right now. Fiance and I would like to have one child together and then we will be done…hoping to begin trying the end of this year. So we will have between a 4-5ish year age gap. 

    Pros: daycare costs are spread out (my son will be in school), we’ve been able to focus on him for his younger years and I feel like he is really thriving because of that, never having 2 in diapers at the same time. I feel like we will be less stressed out when I have another because my son is pretty self sufficient as it is now, and even more so by the time our last is born. I’ve been able to develop my career more since I haven’t had to take time off right away…I was able to go back and finish my masters degree also and I know that would have been super hard with 2 kids instead of 1. 

    Cons: I honestly struggle to think of any at this point. I guess we will be raising kids a bit longer since they will be a few years apart but I don’t think that’s a big deal since we only want 1 more and we will be done. 

    Post # 8
    1129 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    dtbm01 :  it really is !! Over $1200 a month for an infant!

    Post # 9
    923 posts
    Busy bee

    My two are 28 months apart. It wasn’t planned – I struggled with infertility attempting to get pregnant the first time, so we mistakenly assumed we didn’t need to be careful afterwards…oops (happy oops, though).

    Pros: They provide each other with a lot of company. They tend to be interested in similar things, and having hand me downs for the younger one is awesome. It’s easy to plan family vacations because they enjoy so many of the same things and are close in developmental level. Getting through diapers and potty training in a few years rather than stretching it out was really nice. My second pregnancy was harder due to morning sickness and having to chase a toddler around – but nap times and movie times made it easier; I can’t imagine that pregnancy would have been easier if I was older and had to worry about helping older child with homework and activities and the like.

    Cons: Well, they act like siblings. They do fight about things and get snippy with each other. My sibling is 8 years older than me, and we rarely fought because we had such a large age gap. Honestly, that’s the only con I’ve found.

    I had wanted a larger gap between my two (4-5 years), but I am soooo happy it happened the way it did!

    Post # 10
    6150 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    My brother and I are a year and 9 months apart. My mother always said that that was the best because we were in similar phases at the same time. I’m the oldest and I remember actually being constantly annoyed with my brother because he was always bothering me when we were little. I think it was also challenging for him because I always excelled in school and was just a year ahead so he would get the teachers I had and he was a very different person and student than I. Now that we’re older, we’re really close but I think that would have happened even if the gap between us was bigger. I think there’s something to be said for each child getting individualized attention and having parents who have the energy to personally interact with each kid. But I’m also one of two- my friends who came from larger families rarely, if ever, got personal time and attention with their parents.

    My husband is the middle of three and there are 7/8 years between him and each of his siblings. His mother warned us, when our son was a baby, that the longer you space your kids, the longer you’re parenting! At one point, she had a teenager, a young child and an infant all at the same time. I have a cousin who had her children spaced similarly and the older one was great about helping out and looking out for her little sister.

    Our children will be spaced more like my husband and his siblings. Our first child is 7 and we are planning to have one more next year. For the last several years, when people have asked when we were having more kids, I’ve said, “When the first one can help with the diapers.” I was joking about the diapers, but I do love that he will be older and able to help out more than a smaller child could.

    Post # 11
    2871 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wanted a 4 yr gap so one would be in school and one in daycare. Dear Daughter was born Dec 2013 and DS was born Feb 2017 so more like a 3 yr and 2 month gap.

    Dear Daughter was more mature and understood  that she has a little brother and was did not really act jealous towards him.  She did love him a bit too much at times and would be upset if I took him away to feed him or change his diaper.

    I also didn’t want them both to be in diapers so the gap helped with that. 

    Post # 13
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    My daughter turned five in October. I am getting married in March & we will start TTC in June. So kids will be 6 years apart if every thing works out as planned. I won’t space out my others so far apart. 2 years max. I am looking forward to my daughter being a huge help though. Definite plus

    Post # 14
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    My sister is 5 years older than me, my brother 5 years younger. While she didn’t intend on it being this way, I know my mom is glad we were spread apart since it was only one in diapers, one in daycare, etc. Plus my sister and I were able to help take care of and watch my little brother, which also helped a lot.

    Downsides were it was hard to relate to either of them at times, and I’m pretty close with both of them, my sister and brother aren’t as close due to their 10yr age gap. Also when my brother hit the stage of “I really want to play make believe” I was already on my way out of it, which frustrated him a lot.

    My Fiance and I plan on having kids closer in age – probably 2-3 years apart. We want 3-4 kids too, but costs of daycare aren’t a concern since I will be a Stay-At-Home Mom. Having them closer together would make it easier to do in one go and I shouldn’t have more than two kids to watch (since older ones would be in school) at a time. 2-3 would still suffice decent recovery time for my body as well.

    Post # 15
    6437 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    Two years was right for us. That made it so the older one doesn’t remember a time when the younger one wasn’t there, allowed them to be close enough in age to play together and most importantly, we didn’t want to be done with diapers and then have to start again! We have three with about two years between each, and it worked really well for us. They’re close enough in age that they can interact, the older one still remembers what the younger is doing in school, and once we were out of a stage it was DONE. you don’t realize how many there are until they get older – diapers, using the potty independently, washing their own hair, putting their own shoes and socks on, no longer needing a high chair, and then elementary concerts and high school concerts, sports, etc. 

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