Post # 1
Hi bees, new poster here…
I have been having some major guest list trauma/drama the last few days, and I need some advice. We are getting married in my hometown, and my Fiance is from a small town over 600 miles away. Most folks from there won’t be able to travel to the wedding, and Mother-In-Law has asked if she can host a second reception for us in the months following our wedding.
Anyway, I asked her for a list of names of people that really might be able to come, expecting about 20-30 (our venue caps us at 150 and although my family is small, we have an admittedly ridiculous number of friends). I got 70, which Fiance pared down to 50 partly by eliminating children, which then of course I had to do for our side.
Basically, I think both Fiance and Mother-In-Law (FIL just wants to come eat ) just don’t want to be outnumbered at the wedding, regardless of how close people on the list are. The real kicker was the couple Mother-In-Law added that she met on a cruise three months ago that obviously we have never met…
I am really torn up about having to eliminate close friends on my side for FI’s childhood friends he hasn’t spoken to in YEARS, let alone complete strangers to both of us.
How did you handle decisions about how many spots for each side? I have a feeling that the right thing to do is just suck it up, but I am not looking forward to all the hurt feelings. My mom and I joked about having a “B-List Bash” on a separate occasion, and spreading the word that it’s no gifts, we just really want to spend time with people we care about! Or we should have had a wedding with 20 people and then a big party separately… maybe we should still do that…
Post # 3
We were allowed to invite immediate family, aunts, uncles and first cousins. Then we invited our own friends. It wasnt a I get #, he gets #. It was based on relation. He ended up having many more people at the wedding due to his large family.
Any space leftover after that was split evenly for parents friends etc.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
We made of list of who we thought were each side’s “must-haves” (our aunts & uncles, cousins, grandparents, godparents, parents’ close family friends, etc). Then we asked our families if we’d forgotten anyone. We didn’t try to keep it equal and my family’s side has almost twice as many guests due to more family members, etc. Nobody cares and there’s been no drama – everyone just wants the important people in our lives to be there. However, we’ve been together for 10+ years so we are really close with each other’s families, etc.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
We decided to invite all immediate family and then one degree out: moms, dads, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, first cousins, and grandparents. Then we gave each of our parents 10 seats for anyone else they wanted. We got the rest of the list for the two of us.
We invited 113 people (81 came, including us). Our venue could hold 100, absolute maximum.
- Family: 14 immediate (including us) + 39 extended = 53
- Bridal Party and their SOs: 9 (including minister & his wife)
- Family Guests:23 (my mom ended up getting an extra 3 after some negotiation)
- Our Guests: 28
Post # 6
we invited all immediate family, family friends, and then our friends. his immediate family is larger than mine, my family friends are larger than his, and we have an equal amount of friends. it all worked out in the end.
now, who will come/be able to come? that’s another story. i’m trying to work our guest list out at the moment.
Post # 7
We split it evenly. So we have a 300 people limit that we decided on.
My parents get to invite 100 people of their choosing, his parents get 100, and Fiance and I get 100.
We just mailed out STDs and we found that Fiance and I couldn’t really think of 100 friends to invite! Makes me feel like a loser!
Post # 8
Fiance and I both added all the family either of us cares about (immediate, grandparents, aunts, uncles, 1st cousins), all of our friends, and each of our parents gets 6 seats. So far no guests list drama. we’re at 91 guests. I have no idea if I have more guests or if he has more guest because we really didn’t think about it that way.