(Closed) How did your relationship/views change between The Proposal & The Wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m not sure I can really give you any advice.  My husband and I were together for five years before he proposed – two and a half of them were while we were living together in an apartment.  A few months after we got engaged, we went house hunting and bought a house, and then roughly a year after the proposal, we got married (six years together total).

Our relationship changed and developed a lot during the two years we were living together before we were engaged, and it continued to develop during our engagement.  Before we got engaged, I was often under the impression that my boyfriend (at the time) wasn’t sure he could live with some of my bad habits, which is why he hadn’t proposed.  When he DID propose (after LOTS of conversations to get him there), I knew that he had come to the decision that he COULD live with my bad habits (even though he really does hate my bad habits, haha).

I don’t think our relationship has changed all that much since our engagement and then wedding.  I still do things he hates, and vice-versa, but we just know we can live with those things and that we love each other MORE than that.  I feel a lot more secure and happy in our relationship now that we’re married (I used to wonder “will he ever marry me????” and now I don’t have to anymore), and I think my happiness from that security has been contageous and has made him even more happy, even though he originally didn’t even care about getting married.

Not sure if I answered your question… hopefully I did!  😛

Post # 5
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yeah, I did feel our relationship changed. We’d been together for 4 years when he proposed (like you guys, I could have heard those words sooner!), but we didn’t move in together until about 9 months after that. There were two immediate changes – the first was I relaxed and stopped worrying that he was going to dump me, and the second one was kind of unexpected. I sort of became inhibited about sex. Really weird. It was like I wondered if it was appropriate for his future wife to behave that way!  I’m past in mostly now, but my personal requirement for sex (which was always pretty high) has dropped somewhat. 

Since moving in, things have mostly been fine, with the odd bump along the way. The trouble is that I’m writing a thesis at the moment, so I’m working a lot of nights and weekends, so we’re often really tired when we see each other, so part of me misses the dedicated time we used to have together at weekends. But if we were apart, I’d still have to work weekends, so it’d be worse. So things aren’t amazing at the moment, but that’s not necessarily linked to being engaged. 

I would agree that it causes unexpected changes, though. (But I’m still glad he did Smile)

Post # 6
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree that becoming engaged brought a lot of issues to the fore and I was like, “OK, we need to figure some things out NOW because we’re committed for real!” It added some tension, but ultimately has helped us grow closer and confirmed our commitment to each other.


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