(Closed) How did your situation go…LDR

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We were LDR for about 2 years because we were in school.  We were planning on getting engaged but didn’t until a year after moving together.  Our parents were fine with it.  I moved to where he was.  The hardest part is not being able to communicate much and dealing with time zone differences.  You need to learn that it’s okay to not be in communication 100% of the time.  We are married now, the LDR was 7 years ago.

Post # 4
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ll take it one question at a time πŸ™‚

How long did you date before moving to one or the others city?  It’ll be 2yrs next month and we are still LDR.

Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved?  Engaged first; last month!

How supportive were your families?  Eh… my parents aren’t terribly supportive.  FI and I try to see each other every 3 weeks or so and my mother will comment “but you just saw him!”  Umm.. yeah, I love him, so I want to see him often.  Go figure!

Who moved to who?  He will move to me.

What was the hardest part of the LDR?  The hardest part is not getting to physically touch/see him.  The phone and skype are great, but sometimes a hug or just being in the next room is so comforting.  When we meet at the airport, that first hug and kiss make me feel recharged and at home.

What was the hardest part of moving?  Culture shock will be the hardest part; he lives in Portland which has a very different culture than Tampa.  Not sure if we’ll stay in Florida, but there aren’t many places like Portland!

Do you have any regrets? None.

Are you happy with how your LDR worked out? Delighted.  But we truly had a love at first sight moment, so we’ve been in it for the long haul since the very beginning, so the LDR has been easy to embrace, even though we would certainly prefer to be together all the time.  

Advice: If you think he’s worth the time commitment, money, and sacrifice that comes with an LDR, then go for it full speed ahead!  

Post # 5
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hello,

How long did you date before moving to one or the others city?

We only dated for 3 months.  Didn’t seem like much, but he did have an effect on me! I just let him move away, and we decided to “see where it went”.

Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved?
We dated for 5 years LD and then got engaged.  We are still LD until the wedding!

How supportive were your families?
I don’t think anyone really knew where it would go, but they sat through it while I went to visit him and never said anything.
Well, I recall some people thinking it would all just end after he moved.

Who moved to who? You to them or them to you?

I will be relocating for him after the wedding.  It took me awhile to be okay with this (Canada to US), but we will be coming back to Canada later.

What was the hardest part of the LDR?

The physical distance and time we could spend together.  It was harder to build a close relationship when you only see them once a month for a couple days.

What was the hardest part of moving? 
Do you have any regrets?
Are you happy with how your LDR worked out?
How many of you ended up engeaged to or marrying your LDR?
Or why did your LDR end?

On these last questions.  I won’t say it’s easy, and I think people in LDR’s need to be very independent and trusting.
At times it would be very frustrating because I’d only get to see him at best once or twice a month.  Some days I wasn’t sure how we’d ever end up together.
It even took us a along time to get to the marriage point.  But now looking back on it, it all doesn’t seem so bad.  We are at such an amazing place now, something I never could of imagined.

So if it’s the right person and you really want to put in the work it can be done!

Post # 6
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

To give a little background to my LDR, we began to date when he and I were in school and he was living in my state (Indiana), but then he graduated and moved back to his VERY small home town in Missouri. We tried to make it work, but after roughly 7 months he ended it because it was so hard (we were both very young and couldn’t handle the distance).

Fastforward to the spring of 2010 we decided to give it another go. I will say before we agreed to date again, we came to an agreement. If he was really serious about being with me then he would have to move to Indiana (I was still in school) and that he had to move here within the year (I gave him till May 2011 to get moved down here). I think having an end to the distance was what helped us get through it. We hand-wrote letters to each other and made road trips to see each other.

Now on to your questions:

How long did you date before moving to one or the others city? He moved to me within the year because I was in school and told him that I wouldn’t move to him.

Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved? He actually moved here before we were engaged, but we also knew that eventually we would be getting engaged. He proposed a couple months after moving here.

How supportive were your families?My family was incredibly supportive as was his. My family loves him and knew how happy he made me so they were always there with a sympathic ear when I missed him.

Who moved to who? You to them or them to you? Him to me.

What was the hardest part of the LDR?I think the hardest part was not being able to have that physical comfort that comes with being in a relationship. Writing letters helped and so did phone calls, but I like hugs!

What was the hardest part of moving? With him moving to me, I had fears of him becoming incredibly home sick away from his family and eventually resenting me because I made him move from his comfort zone.

Do you have any regrets? Hell no!

Are you happy with how your LDR worked out? Of course! I’m with the love of my life and would do it again in a heartbeat. It wasn’t easy and it sucked a good portion of the time, but totally worth it.

How many of you ended up engaged to or marrying your LDR?  We are engaged and are getting married in May 2012.

 

Post # 7
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Summary: Fiance and I started basically dating LD when I was a junior in HS and he was a freshman in college. We did that for two months, then he was home for 4 months for the summer, then we were LD for my senior year of HS, and then I went to his school. We also did 3 months of LD last summer. I’m a senior in college now, and hes in law school.

Answers:

  • How long did you date before moving to one or the others city? We have the same hometown, so I count moving as when I started at his school, which was about a year and a half after we started dating. The last portion of LD was for an internship I got out of state, and it was a planned, temporary move for my career (very few internships in my field so it was pretty much this one or nothing). He chose to go to law school where we went to undergrad, so he sort of moved to me by doing that, though no moving took place. That happened right after he graduated, about 3.5 years into the relationship.
  • Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved? No. We continued dating after I started going to his school for undergrad and got engaged right before I did the 3 month internship (I don’t know how much of that is coincidence, but we had been discussion marraige for almost two years at that point).
  • How supportive were your families? My parents did not approve of me “choosing my school based on who I was dating.” But I put a lot of thought into it, and made sure the school was a good fit for me. I visited before I applied, and researched it heavily. He happened to have applied to many of the schools that were already on my short list. I am really really happy I ended up where I did, not because were getting married but because it just was a good school for me. 
  • Who moved to who? Initially I moved to him by going to his school (unless you count him coming home for breaks). Then he chose to go to law school so that we would not have to do LDR again (though once again, it was a carefully calculated decision, and he got a better scholarship at our school than anywhere else. We would have stayed together if he did not go to this school for law school)
  • You to them or them to you? Both. See previous.
  • What was the hardest part of the LDR? Lack of physical contact. Sometimes you just want to give someone a hug or a kiss, and in a LDR you can’t. You also have to learn to fight fairly (no hanging up just because you can) and in a way that is respectful of the distance.
  • What was the hardest part of moving? Not knowing anyone where I was going. I had trouble deciding to go out and meet people, so I have fewer friends because I skipped out on a lot of the freshman events. Well let me restate that. Its not that I have fewer friends, its that I ignored a lot of good oppertunities to make new ones. And I’m still bad about that lol.
  • Do you have any regrets? None. I’m glad I’m with my Fiance, because he is perfect for me. I made sure to keep in mind that decisions I made had to be good for me as well as for us, so if we had broken up I would have survived. I strongly encourage not moving until you are sure that if the relationship does not work out for whatever reason, you will be happy in the place you move to regardless. You should always be happy where you live regardless of your relationships.
  • Are you happy with how your LDR worked out? Absolutely. And I would do it again with my Fiance if necessary. I considered going to graduate school right after I finish undergrad and being LD for 1 year. We’re not doing that because Fiance hates distance, and in relationships you have to make sacrifices (I’m still going, I’m just taking a year off and then we will both move together).
  • How many of you ended up engeaged to or marrying your LDR? I’m engaged πŸ™‚
  • Or why did your LDR end? It ended because time passed and we were able to live together again.

That post is really long, but I think you wanted long responses. I’m happy to write more or you can PM. Also I’m probably in the minority because I’m 21, engaged, and have been with Fiance for about 5 years. We are a very solid couple, but I know many people would not advise doing what I did (following someone to school, getting engaged at 20 [3 weeks shy of 21], I’m sure there are others) at my age. But, you need to think about what you want out of life, and whats most important to you. I would not have done a LDR with anyone other than Fiance. Its not worth it unless the person you are dating is amazing. Despite what I wrote above, I do think LDRs are incredibly hard. If you do it with the right person they are bearable (and then wonderful when you finally live in the same place). But don’t do it for just anyone.

Post # 8
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

How long did you date before moving to one or the others city? We met online and talked as friends for almost two years before meeting. He lived two states away for most of that time, but then moved to a city where I had other friends (which is about 6 hours from where I lived). We both though the other wasn’t interested romantically. Once we met, we were together. It took three months after that for me to move here with him.

Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved? We got engaged about a year and two months after I moved. 

How supportive were your families? Very. My mother was on the trip with me when I met him for the first time. She loves him. She does miss me, but she knows I’m happy.

Who moved to who? I moved to be with him. Where I was is too expensive, and had bad memories for me.

What was the hardest part of the LDR? All of the travel. We ended up seeing each other every three weeks in the months that we were long distance. Whenever I got in the car to drive home, I always cried. We talked every night, and texted throughout the day, so that was nice.

What was the hardest part of moving? Leaving my Mom behind, and the huge change. I could have walked to each of the places I’d lived very easily prior to moving. Moving so far away was an adjustment. I also moved to a city, whereas I’d lived in the ‘burbs all my life until then.

Do you have any regrets? Not at all. I wish we’ said something about our attraction sooner, so we didn’t have to wait as long.

Are you happy with how your LDR worked out? Yes! He’s the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, and I’m extremely happy.

How many of you ended up engaged to or marrying your LDR? We are getting married in December.

Or why did your LDR end? I did have another LDR prior to this one. He was on the west coast (I was on the east). The reason it ended was because he wasn’t interested in putting any real work into it. I’d call him, get his voicemail, then not hear back for up to a week sometimes. Same with text. I stayed with him for two extended time periods. Most of the time was spent watching television while he was on World of Warcraft. He’d log in just to chat with people, though I was there wanting to spend time with him. We met playing WoW, but even when I’d log in, he didn’t talk to me. It sounds needy, but I flew across the country to be with him, and I spent more time with his Mom (who was awesome).

Post # 9
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

How long did you date before moving to one or the others city?  A little over a year.  Probably two months after our year anniversary if anything.

Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved?  I technically moved before the engagment, but the engagement made it more “official”.

How supportive were your families?   Very supportive.  =)

Who moved to who?  I moved 1.5 hours to live with him at his parent’s.  We now have our own place.

What was the hardest part of the LDR?  Not seeing him or being able to be around him when I wanted to.  Granted, we weren’t too far away, but I went to school full time and he worked full time.  I never had gas money either.  There were times I just needed a hug from him.

What was the hardest part of moving?  Nothing really.  Well, I lied.  I had to leave my dog at my grandparent’s for almost a year until we got our own place.  His parents wouldn’t let me bring her because of their cats.  I had to make trips to just see her.

Do you have any regrets? Absolutely not.

Are you happy with how your LDR worked out? Yes.  We ended up together in the end so that’s all that matters.  We had our ups and downs, but we were both wiling to work through them to get where we are now.


 

Post # 10
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I just wanted to mention that in a LDR you get to know someone in a different way. Fiance and I had cycles during the distance where you could tell how long it had been since we had seen eachother. The first couple weeks would be great. And then we would start getting grumpy. And then we would start to get better as visits became closer. I don’t think I ever would have learned that about me/him without the distance. I learned so much about his interests and goals and the way he felt about his friends and family because we talked about anything and everything, just to keep the conversation going. There was this intense need to keep the other person on the phone/online, which made us discuss a lot of things I don’t think we would have talked about otherwise. It was a fascinating way to get to know someone. I think it also provides a lot of strength to the relationship because if you can get through that, many other things seem small in comparison. Not that being in the same room doesn’t have its own lessons to teach you. When we moved in together I learned a lot about myself and him too, it was just different. I wonder what we would not know about eachother if we had not done it. (And yes we are still learning things about each other after 5 years. I found out last week how differently we celebrate birthdays, which is something we did not notice in the past)

Post # 12
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

How long did you date before moving to one or the others city?    We originally were from the same city and met in high school and moved away from each other to go to our colleges after 8 months of dating. We have been together for over 6 years now and still don’t live in the same city but are only a hour away from each other now.

Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved?    We got engaged last year and are looking for a place to move to just before or after we get married.

Who moved to who?    Either he is going to move to me or we will both move and meet in the middle of where we both currently live.

What was the hardest part of the LDR?    Communication was very difficult since we only saw each other 3 times over the school year. If I was upset he couldn’t read it on my face like he can in person, so it was dificult to learn to tell him I was upset and same goes with him when he had issues. It was nice when we got to be together in our hometown during the summers.

Do you have any regrets?   I don’t regret the choices either of us have made so far. We both got the education we wanted, I now have a good job, and he is currently going to grad school.

Are you happy with how your LDR worked out?   I’m happy so far with how it has played out and looking forward to living together finally.

I also agree with asscherlover. It is a different kind of relationship than I think you would get when close to someone. There is a high level of trust that has to be built. I also noticed a cylce of see/not seeing my SO. the first few weeks after would be very depressing, then we would get back in the groove of it, then would get a little rough, and as it got closer to seeing each other again there was happiness and excitement. Basically a rollercoaster of emotions.

Post # 14
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

How long did you date before moving to one or the others city?

About one year. We met in college, it was complicated for my last semester of college, and then it got less complicated. I moved about an hour and a half away for grad school and we dated and went back and forth to each other for one school year before moving in together. 

Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved?

After we moved in together. 

How supportive were your families?

Very.

Who moved to who?

He transferred schools and moved to me.

What was the hardest part of the LDR?

Leaving each other at the end of every visit.

What was the hardest part of moving?

There was nothing hard about it. It was the greatest thing – we were so happy to be together. It was the most wonderful feeling, coming home at night to the love of my life, and waking up every morning with him beside me.

Do you have any regrets?

Nope.

Are you happy with how your LDR worked out?

Yep. We’ve been together for almost 5 years!

How many of you ended up engeaged to or marrying your LDR? Or why did your LDR end?

We’re getting married in August πŸ™‚

 

Post # 15
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

How long did you date before moving to one or the others city? We’ve done things sort of backwards. We met by living on the same floor of our college dorm. We lived two hours apart for a little while, and currently, we’ve been living five hours apart for 3.5 years. We have been together for a little over 7 years. He will be moving back home in a few months! πŸ™‚

Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved? For us, we got engaged first. We wanted to see how the first year would go with him living five hours away. We did well with it. By the end of his second year living so far away, we got engaged. 

How supportive were your families? We are fortunate that both of our families have been extremely supportive. I happen to currently live in the town where we both grew up. For Christmas, his parents would give me plane tickets to go visit him. His family actually became much more supportive of me as his girlfriend (now fiancee) because I supported his choice to go away to grad school. My parents are great about shuttling me to the airport, and they have helped with plane tickets every now and then as well.

Who moved to who? You to them or them to you? He will be moving back to me in a few months. With both of our families here, me already having my career going, and opportunities existing here, it was a no-brainer.

What was the hardest part of the LDR? At the start, it was leaving after a visit. I would have airport security asking me if I was okay. I would feel slightly better when I had gotten through security. When my Fiance was back in our college town with our friends and I was at home…that was the hardest part. I would hear stories of him having fun with our friends while I was back home. That stung. Sometimes, I would be wondering what he was doing, and that hurt. Now…it’s definitely wedding planning from 5 hours apart. I recommend avoiding it if you can!

What was the hardest part of moving? For me, it was moving him down to this place where I knew he would be far away and having to smile, even though I was sad he was leaving. I didn’t want to hold him back. 

Do you have any regrets? I really don’t. My regrets are coming with wedding planning…letting certain things go for too long. We will have a 22 month engagement by the time this is over. We let a lot of things go for awhile, and all of a sudden, it’s crunch time. 

Are you happy with how your LDR worked out? I am. This is actually the second LDR I have been in. The first one was with a different boyfriend, and it was for about 8 months. There were huge differences between LDR 1 and LDR 2. With my current LDR, we both want it to work. We both have put in the effort to call, Skype, travel to see each other, communicate…with the first one, I put in the work, and he didn’t seem to care as much. I am happy with how LDR 2 has worked out. I just wish he was home for more of the wedding planning.

How many of you ended up engeaged to or marrying your LDR? Or why did your LDR end? As mentioned earlier, I am marrying my LDR guy! We’re proof that it can work, but you both have to want it, you both have to commit, and you both have to want to communicate and be honest with each other. 

Post # 16
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

How long did you date before moving to one or the others city?  We did long distance for a little over 2 years. We went to different universities about 4 hours away. After he graduated- 2 years before me- he moved to the city where I was still studying.

Did you get engaged first or did that come after you moved?  We got engaged while we were still apart.

How supportive were your families? Eh. Our families were supportive of us individually but didn’t really think our relationship would last. Partly because of long distance, but mostly because of age. They came around!

Who moved to who?  He moved to me!

What was the hardest part of the LDR?  Hmm… probably the arguing. Not seeing each other that much (once every two months) kind of made us both on edge. I used to pick fights just to keep him on the phone longer. It was incredibly ridiculous.

What was the hardest part of moving?  Haha, I’d have to ask him, but he didn’t really seem to have any problems. He got a job right out of college where he could live any place he wanted- he traveled Monday-Friday anyway- so it didn’t really uproot much for him.

Do you have any regrets? Nope! We got engaged young and ended up waiting 3 years before getting married. It was perfect πŸ™‚ I’m also especially grateful that neither of us tried to get the other to transfer schools to be closer. Knowing that we loved each other enough to support our individual dreams meant that we really cared about the other. It was meant to be!

Are you happy with how your LDR worked out? 100% overjoyed!!!! We’ve been married a little over 2 years and could not be happier! LD was hard, but we made it work!

The topic ‘How did your situation go…LDR’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors