(Closed) How did your SO ask for your hand in marriage?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

He arranged to meet my parents, he took them to lunch, and told them he is planning to ask me to marry him.  He didn’t exactly ask for my hand because, let’s face it, I’m too old for that.  He said he wanted to approach them first as a sign of respect for our old traditions. My mom melted of course.  


Post # 3
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

We were on a vacation with my family in Maui. My Fiance and my dad went snorkeling and he asked him during their excursion. It’s not that he really had to ask but wanted my dad to know that he would take care of me. My dad was very happy but warned him that I need a strong man ha ha. I was raised by a single father with only brothers so i’m a bit on the independant side.  I think its better to ask in person if it is at all possible. 

Post # 4
129 posts
Blushing bee

You need it to be face to face.

My Fiance arranged a couples photo shoot that I honestly wasn’t that excited about beforehand and he kept bringing things up about it like what to wear for the photos, get his hair cut. I thought he was taking the photos a bit too seriously beforehand but just shrugged it off.Then during the photo session he used the ring box as a prop for the photo and proposed. We have photos in sequence of the whole thing. I had no clue it was coming. He went and asked my parents the night before while I was at pilates.

Post # 5
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

We live several states away from my parents. We just happened to be in town visiting them for a job-related thing, so DH asked for my dad’s blessing then. Otherwise, I’m not sure how it would have happened, probably by phone. 

Post # 6
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

I kind of find this strange, we’ve been married for over 33 years, and my husband never asked my dad.  I don’t think anyone did back then, not that I recall anyway.  So I always think this is modern times going back to the dark ages, lol.  

Post # 7
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

We all knew it was coming, because my dad had expressed that he’d be grateful if FH asked him for his blessing.  So, tensions were running high by the time we went on our backpacking trip.  My mom and I kind of orchestrated it so that my FH and dad could be alone hiking together for a while.  My dad’s real reserved, and apparently FH had a hard time getting him off the subject of cycling (my dad is a competitive cyclist) or the weather long enough to transition the conversation over … but then my dad did it for him!  Told him how they’d prayed that I would find someone who would love me and be able to support me through anything whom I could trust (I have a history of long-term/sustained childhood sexual abuse and a sexually abusive adult relationship).  And that he was so happy I’d finally found that person in FH.  That he thought FH was a good man, the best possible man for me, and he was so excited to welcome him into our family and to give him his blessing.

All in all, it went about as well as it could go.  Then my mom accosted FH and interrogated him — apparently she had a list of questions she wanted him to answer, like “what made you choose to go on a second date with lagavulin?” and “what would you do if lagavulin got sick again?” (<< I almost died from real bad anorexia when I was 19, been recovered ever since, now 27 — I know it was scary for my parents, but I don’t remember a whole lot of it, my brain was fried)  

Whatever he said, she liked it, because she greenlighted it too.

I think for my dad this was all something that he felt displayed respect to the parents, but that I would still have the ultimate decision.  For my mom, I think she viewed it like she was my best friend vetting a potential lover and letting me know whether or not his handshake was unacceptably limp. 😛  Real interesting weekend.

Post # 8
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
summerrose33 :  I think over the phone is fine in your situation! My parents were in town unexpectedly and he asked them after I left for work one morning. He’d been planning to secretly drive to see them otherwise (few hours away). I wasn’t sure he’d ask and was really touched. 

Post # 9
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

My SO asked my parents whilst we were visiting them and I was out the house heading to the airport. We live 4 hours drive away but waited until a time we would visit them to ask in person. Depends who your parents are, but I know my Dad is proper old school and would not have appreciated being asked over the phone.

Post # 10
34 posts

My parents live in Australia, and we were living in the UK at the time. They were visiting us and we were all at lunch when he asked my Dad if they fancied carrying on afterwards for a beer. We left to go for a ladies afternoon and so he asked then (a full four months before the proposal). My dad, a normally very macho, Australian man, teared up!

One of my favourite things about the proposal was how well he did asking my dad. My (now) husband is and old-school Brit (the source of lots of teasing on my side) so he wouldn’t have felt at at all comfortable proposing without first speaking to dad. 

I think asking over the phone is fine, but if at all possible in person is far more meaningful. Also, take into account how traditional you think your dad is. Mine would have been disappointed with not being asked at all, but I think he would have been fine with a phone call. 

Post # 11
37 posts
  • Wedding: October 2017

I requested to fly to my FI’s parents home. They live in NY and we live in TX. Her mother would not allow me to spend the money and insisted that I use FaceTime as money spent to travel could be better used in the proposal or wedding. 

Post # 12
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My Fiance told me later that he kept trying to figure out a way to ask my Dad.  While my Dad lives just mins from his job, I guess timing just didn’t work out.  It turns out that my Dad was going to see my sister and I had something that I wanted to send with him for her.  My Fiance took it over to my Dad during a lunch break and asked him then.  It was a few days before we left for our anniversary trip where he proposed.

Post # 13
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

A marriage proposal over the phone does not sound very romantic.

Fiance asked for my hand in marriage while we were on vacation in Key West, FL.  We were standing at the far end of a beautiful pier overlooking the ocean and he caught it on video.  It was intimate and sweet and just perfect.

Post # 14
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

We live in the same city as my parents so my Fiance took my dad for coffee before work one day. He wanted to ask both parents but couldn’t figure out how to do that without me knowing. My sister’s husband live across country from us but he asked when he was visiting. 

I think phone is fine if you can’t figure out a visit. Otherwise it might take forever to get it together! In person is nice but not always possible. 

Post # 15
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We were both still living at home at the time… which was a 5 minute drive from each other. He used to eat dinner and hang out at my parents house all the time. One night, I believe we were going out somewhere, so he was watching a baseball game with my parents on tv while I was upstairs showering and getting ready. He just asked both of my parents for their permission. It was very casual, but nonetheless, I know my dad respected that he asked.

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