Post # 1
Fiance and I have been together since DS was 12 years old. He just turned 16. He had a really hard time with my divorce from his father when he was 11. Mostly because his dad made it hard on him. DS and Fiance have always gotten along, and I honestly don’t think I could ever find anyone to treat my son better. He’s a friend when he needs a friend, and a father figure when he needs that. And he’s an excellent role model for him. I am very thankful. DS has never said anything negative about Fiance, but I know his father has talked badly about Fiance to my son many times, mostly when we first started dating, but it still happened.
When I told DS about the engagement, he didn’t really say much. His reaction was pretty much “Oh.” Which I understand might be a typical teenage reaction, but it was still bothersome. I mean, I didn’t expect him to jump up and down for joy, but I would have liked him to talk to me how he felt about it. Is that asking too much of a teenage boy?
He’ll be 17 by the time we get married, and I’d love to have him walk me down the isle, but I don’t want to put any pressure on him, or make him feel weird. I consume myself with worrying how he feels about this relationship, his mom getting married, and wondering if he feels like he’s betraying his dad by being overly involved with Fiance.
Anyone else have teenagers when they got re-married? How did it go?
Post # 3
Mine were very happy and excited when we got engaged. My daughter is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my sons will give me away and be my FI’s best men.
Post # 4
I think that teenage boys are pretty narcissitic and it isn’t unusual that he isn’t super excited/interested. If I were you, I would ask him to walk you down the aisle and let him decide whether he wants to or not.
Post # 5
My daughters were 22, 20 and 19 at the time we got engaged, and 23, 21 and 20 when we married. We have been together since they were 17, 18 and 20. Hubby actually called and asked their permission to marry me. Called all 3 individually and said that my youngest was the hardest to ask. All three were very happy, to the extent that my now 21 yo lives 2 states away and flew down last year to be there when he proposed. It was our family reunion and she had said that she could not get time off work to come, in the mean time it was a wonderful surprise.
Right after he proposed, they claimed thier positions… oldest was maid of honor middle was bridesmaid and youngest was flower maiden. She has always wanted to be a flower girl, so why not.
The NEW family!!!
Post # 6
Not in the same situation your in but wanted to tell you that teenage boys don’t just offer up how they feel( you already know this right). I wouldn’t assume he’s unhappy but maybe still processing.I would ask him how he feels about walking you down the aisle and be prepared for him to say he does not want to. It’s possible it may make him feel disloyal to his dad. Don’t let this spoil your happiness as he is going off on his own soon and you deserve to be happy. Teenage boys are tough nuts to crack. Good luck and congratulations!
Post # 7
I’m really happy for you girls who had such an easy time of it.
Maybe it’s a boy thing, and I”m sure it didn’t help that we got divorced right when he was a pre-teen. Ugh.
He is very self involved, and wanted to show how independant he is right now, so maybe I’ll wait until a couple of months before the wedding, and see how he feels then. Give him some time to process this thing.
I’m soooo ready for the day that he realizes how lucky he is to have such a wonderful mother. 😉
Post # 8
First of all…congratulations on getting married!
My son is 13 and he didn’t exactly do cartwheels when we told him we were getting married. However, a few months later, I asked him if he would walk me down the aisle and he was so excited to do it! He & Fiance are going to get fitted for the tuxes in 2 weeks.
It’s hard for teenage boys to process their emotions and display them, especially to their mothers. They’re in the “boys don’t cry” phase (which I think is ridiculous…but that’s a whole other discussion topic!) and it’s a myriad of emotions they’re experiencing.
My Fiance had a long talk with him about how he’s not trying to replace his father and he should think of him as having an extra parent that will love & care for him. I think that helped a lot.
While teens never show it on the outside…they love hearing that they’re loved and included, so keep giving him reassurance and tell him what a terrific kid he is. He may not thank you outwardly…in fact, you may get an eyeball roll! But inwardly, he’ll definitely appreciate it.
Post # 9
@sopranokris: Thank you so much for your response. I really needed to hear these words. 🙂
Congratulations to you as well!
Post # 10
i am getting married in April of 2013…i ahve 3 kids, two girls ages 11 and 15 and a son who is 14. My son, too, wsa very non reactive to me getting married. I’ve commented on him walking me down the isle, but have yet to formally ask him how he feels about this and if he would like to do it….but i really want him to! Is it selfish of me to be upset if he decides that he would rather not? And on to my daughters….big sigh, ifyou know how teenage, ( and pre teen) girls can be. Ther reaction to my announceent of my engagenent was not all fireworks, no did i really exect it to be, but its been a month or so, and they still dont seem excited. should i be offeneded? I just pput a down payment on my dress and got a wedding band last night. i showed the band to my 15 year old daughter, and her reaction was to compare it to the one that her father gave her stepmother about 3 years ago? i was a little offended but did not voice this to her. My excitement in planning the wedding i have been dreaming of since i was little has been a bit deflated due to the reactions of my kids. could this just be because it is a year away, and just because it is in the forefront of obbsession for me right now, it is not in theres? What’s the thought, should I just get over it, and they will be more excited when the day approaches…..would love some feedback, as much as posible, as this is really casusing me to stress!! thank you sooo much….
Post # 11
@Cinderella75: I can certainly understand some of the things you are feeling. However, I don’t think we should be upset with them, or offended by their reactions to these things. While we want them involved, this is our thing, not theirs. My son’s lackluster reaction to my happy news wasn’t exactly what I wished it would be, but I’m not mad at him. Depending on our kids own situations, relationships with their fathers, how they feel about their parents not being together, etc etc etc….they could have a million feelings and or thoughts going on that we don’t know or understand. Or, maybe they are just being normal self involved teenagers, and it just isn’t as big a deal as it is to us. I think you have every right to have your feelings hurt, but I don’t think it’s something you tell them you are uspet with them for. if that makes sense.
Post # 12
I have a 15 year old daughter (16 when we get married in July) who was 12 when her father and I divorced. My son was 18 at the time, now 21. My Fiance was in the picture very quickly as I’d met him while separated. My daughter loves my Fiance and he loves her. He’d lived with us for 2 years when we got engaged in Nov 2011. Even though she knew it was coming, it was very hard for her to accept at first. My son and I had been very close but his father talked against me and told lies about me so it’s taken years to mend that relationship. My daughter is very excited about our upcoming Destination Wedding wedding and the hometown party afterwards. She’ll be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I was terrified to tell my son about the wedding – afraid he’d cut off our relationship but he didn’t. We had a good talk and while he really can’t get his head entirely around my Fiance, he said he wants me to be happy. He won’t be able to come to the Bahamas for the wedding but I told him I expect him to be at the party. For the actual wedding, we’re hoping my daughter will read a poem the minister sent us and my Fiance and I are putting together a Pandora bracelet to give her at the ceremony with charms of the places we’ve all been together, events we’ve celebrated together and things we want to do together in the future. I had to realize that this was a decision for MY life, and I’d spent many many years worrying only about everyone else. This is my future and my happiness. If my children couldn’t accept it at all, it would have been a problem, but I don’t expect them to be happy or excited or interested in my marriage. Children are mostly only interested in their own lives and how the rest of the world will affect them. Don’t worry about your children’s involvement or lack thereof. Include them as much as possible, but don’t expect a lot of interest.