(Closed) How different are your future in laws from your family?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Actually our families are pretty similar. We were both brought up the same way and our families are on the same page religiously, family-wise, party-wise, politically, etc. The only big difference is FI’s family is much more "sporty" but thats because there aren’t boys in my family lol.

As long as you and both your families can respect one anothers "quirks", it should be a happy meeting!

Post # 4
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

In some ways, our families are very similar: smaller (FI has one sibling; I have two), blue-collar, Democrats, live in similar neighborhoods. Neither his parents nor mine really went to college (my mom did, but not until she was older and had children), but they encouraged all of their children to do so.  Both his parents and mine are dog people. Both of our moms do a ridiculous amount of decorating for holidays, especially Christmas.  Both of our dads are very handy and like to build/fix things.  Our parents remind us very much of each other, and when they met they all got along wonderfully.

Their general lifestyles are very different, though.  FI’s parents go to bed at about 8 p.m. and get up at about 4 a.m., even on weekends, while my parents routinely stay up until 11:00 or midnight.  My parents have lots of friends and are very social; FI’s parents don’t really go out at all, not even to the movies.  My parents think nothing of hopping in the car for the 6-hour drive it takes to come visit us, while for FI’s parents, a 30-minute drive to the town where Future Brother-In-Law lives is a big deal.

Post # 5
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

my family is catholic and italian.. his is southern baptist and english.

 

we drink and dance, they dont do either.  But our family values are all the same 

Post # 6
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Our families are very different. Mine is very conservative, traditional and no, I’d also never seen alcohol at a family gathering prior to meeting his family. We’re also not very open emotionally. His is fun loving, openly affectionate and pretty wild when it comes to parties. I’m very worried about the wedding day when our extended families meet for the first time and have to interact. I can pretty much hear the gasps of shock from my side as they watch his family instigate a conga line. I just worry that the reception will bomb out since we don’t have enough young people to really rock the dance floor.

Post # 7
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

My parents are on the conservative side (though my family is pretty evenly split, without having vicious arguments!) and his is reliably liberal, like the two of us.  HOWEVER.  I’m from MN and he’s from WI, which really isn’t a big deal, but it’s a big joke that goes on constantly.  His uncles have called me a mud duck bc of where I’m from, my family calls him a cheesehead.  We have kind of a constant teasing each other about our backgrounds.  I give him the old your-drunk-hillbilly-cheesehead-family bit and he give it back along the lines of prudish-think-they’re-so-hot-minnesotan-family.  But it’s all in good fun, since really, the difference is just 50 miles 🙂

Post # 8
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Isn’t it crazy how different two families can be and how similar you and your Fiance must me?! My family is a lot like your’s sounds…just really simple. Not at all poor or boring, just hardworking and modest. My mom is the sweetest woman and would do anything for anyone without ever complain. And my dad is a man of few words. My FI’s parents are the complete opposite. they are very overzealous with their religion (which isn’t horrible, my Fiance are both religious as well), but it gets a bit preachy sometimes. my Future Mother-In-Law is so overbearing and a self-made martyr (FI’s words, not mine!) Future Father-In-Law is loud and opinionated. his family makes a big deal of everything and my family just does things without too much ado about it all.

   All that to say, we have NO idea what it will look like when they meet. and it won’t be until two days before the big day. eek!

Post # 9
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Harbison Chapel & The Maple Lane Farm

To me they seem very different!  My parents like to travel and ride motorcycles now and then and are very much into what’s going on in our small town.  My mother in particular is very generous even though they are not oozing out money. My FI’s parents are reserved and keep to themselves, I’m not sure they would get near a motorcycle and I haven’t known them to travel very far at all.  They’ve never been super generous with my Fiance, though I know his younger sibling is a different story!

Family values are different too. My FI’s family has never come out to see us, we are across the country, but my family wouldn’t dream of not visiting and have been out twice in the 2 years i’ve been here.  When we go home my family will not let us sleep in the same bed in their house, comfort/religious reasons even though we live together.. haha, and his family couldn’t care less what we do.  

Post # 10
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Italian/SriLankan Boy kisses and marries Jamaican/English cute girl back.

go figure!!! Mwhahahahah – so don’t worry about it . You can’t control it. You love him… watch and enjoy. You may be plesantly suprised

Post # 11
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Couldn’t be any more different.

My parents: career military. His parents: lifelong hippies.

My parents: authentic white wedding (*gulp*), still madly in love. His parents: never married eachother but still had three kids together, and have 7 marriages between the two of them (to other people).

My parents: conservative, self-sufficient, a tad shallow emotionally. His parents: liberal, always need money, a tad overwrought in their emotions.

BUT, both Fiance and I moved around a lot, grew up valuing education, developed strong senses of self, and sought to create lives that honor but stray from both of our parents’ extremes. All before we met eachother. We took very different paths to eachother, but met in a place where we were walking in the same direction, but had complimentary skills to get there.

Kind of strangely beautiful, in a strangely 21st century way.

Post # 12
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

i want to share this with you girls because it helped me so much.  when my Fiance and i took our pre cana (catholic marriage prep class), we attended a group led by this great couple that had been married for over 30 years. it was all about families, and that how you are brought up really affects how you react to things in a relationship.  they showed us a chart of their own lives…he was from an immigrant, uneducated family.  she was from an americanized family that was educated.  in his family, his mother ruled, and in her family the father was boss.  they explained to us how they had to both understand that where they came from totally shaped their views, and that if they recognized it and talked about it, it helped their relationship.  so, about a week after we took our pre cana, my Fiance and i got into it about something i can’t remember now – but we actually talked about how the differences in our families had a lot to do with our disagreement, and we were able to understand where the other was coming from because of that knowledge.   it really made a difference in our relationship once we became mindful of it.  does that make sense?

Post # 13
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Our families are both different and the same.

My family: Conservative Baptist, career military, hardworking, don’t believe in accepting anything they didnt work for, not big on sharing feelings, always look out for the other guy before yourself, middle-class through and through, moved alot due to my father being a Marine.

His family: ULTRA conservative baptist, . . . . lets just say that FI’s mother isnt exactly a firm believer in "You dont work; you dont eat" and is sort of a *every man for himself* mindset. Also moved alot due to money issues

Post # 14
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Our families get along, but are pretty different.  My family is Italian.  We’re super loud and boisterous and drink at EVERY family party.  His family is from a small town/farm and are very quiet and polite.  I was shocked that there was NO alcohol at the first holiday I spent with them.  I’m glad they get along, but I’m hoping I eventually get used to the quietness at his family gatherings!  All that silence makes me nervous!

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

hahaha oh man where do I begin? My family is from California, his family is from the Midwest. My mom is half korean and sort of exotic in that way that every woman wishes she were. Not to mention, for 53, she passes for mid-30’s. That korean skin is amazing! They also smoke and I have to watch my FI’s family turn their nose down at my parents which upsets me. My parents think it’s really rude but they have the best attitude about "just let them" unlike me. Yeah, smoking is gross, but what can you do?! My parents are kind of flashy sometimes and make it a point to bust out some major bling, especially at events like my wedding. My mom will have more diamonds than the bride! My dad wants her to wear purple and gold smokey eye makeup to go with her crimson red dress (which i told her to get, it looks fabulous!).  I told her no way to the crazy eye look, it was inappropriate for my summery, romantic wedding. Initially my dad wanted her to wear a vegas style (kinda skanky for a wedding) bright blue dress with rhinestones. Mom said no way. They have money and like to show off for big events. They helped my Fiance and I with the dp on our house, they paid for college, helped me with my car, etc, while his family is at the complete opposite of the financial spectrum. My Fiance joined the military to get college paid for. I’m very grateful, but I definitely make it a point to hide it from people that my parents had their own business which has attributed to their financial success. All in all, I think it’s amusing how they act. Dad has tattoos and long hair, mom still wears turquoise eyeliner. FI’s family is so conservative, almost boring in my opinion! Very humble and sweet people, but I can’t help but want to snooze when I’m over there! My mom likes to dance and have fun, eat interesting food and whatnot, and while his mom is a joke cracker, I just can’t see her being fun like that! They eat typical midwest food like chicken and dumplings and stew, ICK! My parents are retired and live on the lake and fish and travel a lot, and his family is very…homely I guess? They never go on vacations and stay close to home.

Needles to say, it all works out and we’re sensitive to each others’ family situations and we’ve talked about how we’d ideally meld both the backgrounds. My Fiance thinks vacations are completely unnecessary because he never (EVER) went on vacation as a kid. Simply b/c his mom could never afford it. I think they’re a once-a-year necessity to refresh yourself. I’m sure our honeymoon will convince him we should get away more often

Post # 16
Member
468 posts
Helper bee

Our families are very very different. I’m Italian and when my sisters, and I get together, it can get quite loud. My FI’s and his brother are much more quiet, don’t really talk alot. I’m super close with my sisters.

Our parents are very different as well, my mom is the type that goes crazy over  the holidays and buys way too much stuff, his family is more cards only.

Things were tense between my Future In-Laws and my self for a while as they weren’t my biggest fan. But we are able to be civil and coordial to each other, and I’m hoping that with time things will all work out.

 I think its funny how different my Fiance and I are and yet how we totally work well together. 

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