(Closed) How do I address this invite?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think it’s the first option.

Post # 4
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

You are only a Mrs. if you take your husband’s name, I believe.  So it would be Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith.

Post # 5
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Ettiquette probably says option 1.  But if a woman has chosen to keep her maiden name, she very well might prefer option 2. If you know the couple I’d go with what you think they would prefer. Even if you don’t know them very well, you still might be safer with option 2. But I’m a radical flaming left wing feminist, so take my opinion with a grain of salt! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

So have I committed a faux pas by putting "Mr. & Mrs. John Doe"??

Post # 8
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

in that situation, i put the lady’s name first, so it was Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe on mine. 

Post # 9
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Jules, are they married with the same last name? If so, then no, that’s the right way to do it. But if they have different last names, then hopefully they don’t (or actually she doesn’t) mind… either way, I’m sure it’s happened before.

Post # 10
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

LeahB,

It was actually one of those situations where they just got married and neither I nor my Fiance knew if she took his name.

Post # 11
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Eh, I’m sure you’re fine!

Post # 12
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

edited because I realized that was kind of a hijack… sorry!

Post # 13
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Here is another guide from Crane and Co

Post # 14
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

A lot of women I know kept their name, but use their husband’s socially. So, if you did do it wrong, you might be ok anyway. Not a huge deal. At least you didn’t write AND GUEST to a married couple…We got one a couple of weeks ago. OMG? We’ve been married for 5 years!!!

Post # 15
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

The woman’s name goes first, and yes, she is Mrs (because she is married) unless she has another preference.  So the invitation would be addressed:

Mrs. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe

Or you can put the man’s name on the second line, if this is too much for a single line.

Although some women who do not change their names use their husband’s names socially (I’m sure it happens, I’ve heard of it) actually none of my girlfriends do.  And they tend from mildly to very upset when people who ought to know better assume that it’s fine to saddle them with a name that is not theirs.  So I would not assume that it’s okay to address Jane Smith as Mrs. Jane Doe – if it is not actually her name.

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