Post # 1
My hubby is a big computer gamer. Some guys like golfing, some like football, but mine like playing computer games with his nephews and their friends. Mind you, my husband is 28 and all his nephews and their friends are 19-21 years old. Anyway, this past Saturday he had a “lan” party at our house. If you don’t know what that is, it pretty much entails all his nephews and their friends coming over with their computers and playing till 5 in the morning. Now we’ve had these in the past like over a year and a half ago at our old house, but he would have them in the living room and it was just his nephews which I know very well. We moved a few months ago and this time the router is in our master bedroom closet and apparently is unmoveable. So he pretty much asked me if he could move our bed into the living room for the night and have me (I’m 20 days away from giving birth by the way) sleep in the living room with our 1 year old son who co-sleeps (we also have a 5 year old daughter who sleeps in her own bedroom). This way he could put tables and chairs in our bedroom and play all night in our bedroom with his nephews and some friends he met online through the game (so their absolute strangers to me and he has only met them once or twice before in person). Anyway, I obviously was not happy with him asking me to move into the living room, but he kept bugging and so I just decided to take the kids and stay the night at my moms since I would feel very uncomfortable sleeping in the open living room with these guys walking back and forth to the kitchen and restroom and seeing me sleeping there with no privacy. The day they arrived, the 2 friends did not bother to introduce themselves to me nor did my hubby introduce them to me. They simply walked into my house and made themselves comfortable. Then my husband decided to go pick up the tables from his mother’s house and left one of the strangers by himself cooking in my kitchen while everyone left to go help with the tables. I was in the middle of putting the kids in the car when I saw what he was doing and I tried to descretely tell my hubby that he should not leave him alone, but he pretty much blew me off and drove off. I felt uncomfortable staying so I just left too. Now before I left, I left some collectible figures that I have in a bag on a shelf in the hallway without thinking (or so I thought I did). Anyway, the next day, I came home and I couldn’t find the bag of collectibles. I looked everywhere and eventually I began to accuse his friends of stealing them. This made him furious. We got into a big fight because I accused his friends of stealing and he said that they wouldn’t do that that obviously I had misplaced them. This infuritated me because I felt like he was giving them the benefit of the doubt over me and I was still angry about the whole way he went about having his lan party this time. Anyway, we went the rest of the day without talking and today we havent spoken either. However, it turns out I did misplace the collectibles and so his friends did not indeed steal them. Now I know I need to apologize, but a part of me also feels like he’s at fault too. How should I bring this up? I know him well enough to know that if I simply say “hey I found the bag I’m sorry” he will just disregard the rest of the problem. What do you guys think? Is his lan party even a big deal? My parents were livid when I told them because they say it is disrespectful to our “nest” or area of intimacy by treating it as something that can simply be converted into a play ground for other people. But then again my parents are old school, so not sure if the lan party was wrong or if I’m the only one wrong. Thoughts?
Post # 2
I’m on the side of your parents. You don’t owe your husband an apology but he owes you one. He put you in an incredibly awkward and possibly dangerous situation.
He let a stranger cook in your kitchen without your permission? He blew you off when you voiced your concerns? You’re 9 months pregnant with his baby? OMG, I just want to slap him for you.
Post # 3
He was completely inappropriate having his about-to-give-birth wife and your children leave the apartment to play games. I can’t even… if he wants those parties he could find other options, a hotel room or someone else’s house. The collectibles are a small issue to a larger problem
Post # 4
I would apologize for accusing his friends. However I agree with your parents regarding to your bedroom and you should talk to him about it. It’s a private area and it shouldn’t be a hang out place for friends. This isn’t like college or something. I don’t agree with you having to accommodate his wants for something like gaming when you are trying to provide a secure environment for your kids and you are so close to your due date.
Post # 5
There’s no way I would have let him have that party at my house! If it was me, I would just tell him you found the collectibles but have a serious talk about how uncomfortable you were in your own home. Your about to give birth for petes sake and you have two children to care for.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
You don’t apologize to him, at all. He was a complete a** about this entire situation and there is no way he should have thought it was ok to inconvenience his pregnant wife and child to play computer games. I just…..UGH. 😡😡😡 I’d apologize to his friends directly but it would be a frosty day in hades before my husband got an apology over this incident. Although I never would have agreed to it from the start. His gaming get together could have been planned at someone elses home or months down the line from now at a more appropriate time.
Post # 7
This was hard for me to read. The collectibles are not the problem. Expecting your pregnant wife and one year old child to sleep in the living room so that strangers can play videogames in the bedroom is the problem, and it’s a big one.
I’d book a couples therapy session immediately. This needs to be addressed. You have a basic right to safety in your home, and sleeping out in the open while strangers walk by you is NOT SAFE.
I’m livid just reading this.
Post # 8
monique637 : Next time he wants to do that shit it can be at someone else’s house or they can all split the cost of an AirBnB. What the fuck.
Apologize for accusing his friends but make sure he understands that this isn’t happening again. Treating your home (and bedroom!) like a college dorm common room shouldn’t have even crossed his mind. The fact that he’s acting like you are the one being unreasonable is mind blowing. I’d keep staying at my mom’s if I were you.
Post # 9
I might be on the minority here, but I don’t think a lan party would be such a big deal for me -not even if it is on our master bedroom, or some “strangers”. I might worry or feel uncomfortable, yes, but not enough to go without speaking for a whole day!
I really think you should apologize, if anything because you did misplaces the figures. Afterwards, perhaps you can talk with him about how you felt having stranger in the house (strangers for you because they didn’t present themselves), and how you were worried when he left them alone in your house. Try not to accuse him, focus on your feelings not his sole actions. Also, keep in mind that while they might have been strangers for you, your husband probably considers them close friends.
Above all, is it really something so terrible to not apologize for?
And, well, In My Humble Opinion, he did nothing worth apologizing for, while you did. Could he have acted better? Yeah…but he’ll never know unless you communicate it.
Post # 10
Maybe if he at least walked over to you with his friends and introduced them, you wouldn’t be creeped out by them to the point of thinking they’re stealing stuff. It would also be nice if they said thank you for letting them camp out in your house all day while you take off with the kids. Do the bunch of them know there’s this thing called manners?
You totally jumped to conclusions though! I don’t know about you, but I become ridiculously absent minded when I’m pregnant. I lose all kinds of things and put stuff where it doesn’t belong. It goes missing very nicely without being stolen. So yeah, you both owe each other an apology.
Post # 11
I agree with a PP, it was a painful read. He’s allowing total strangers into your house overnight with your 2 small children, a very pregnant wife, and you’re supposed to sleep in the livingroom? He’s a child. Sorry. That’s total disregard and respect for you. Wouldn’t be okay with me. The collectibles are no biggie compared to that.
Post # 12
OP, now would be a great time to tell us all the ways your husband is actually a great partner, because I’m at a loss as to why you even bothered going home when he pulled a stunt like this. He asked his pregnant wife to sleep in the living room so he could play video games with absolute strangers in the bedroom? He invited people over who were too rude to even speak to you, the owner of the the home they were in, but is angry at you for being inhospitable to complete strangers? He left the mother of his 2 children with one on the way alone in a house with randoms?
AND YOU SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING????
Post # 13
Ummmm, what the hell?! He totally disrespected you, your home and your family. You don’t owe him an apology, he owes you one! Your bedroom is not some clubhouse for him to host a geek party with his friends. Which, by the way, there’s a reason that gamers who have LAN parties are all super young. By the time you’re married, in your late 20’s and have children, priorities should have shifted. Geeeez. I would lose my shit if my husband did that.
Post # 14
He sounds like a man-child. This is NOT ok. You have nothing to apologize for – he does.
Post # 15
I kept reading, and reading, and reading, looking for a reason for you to apologize. In the meantime, my blood was boiling. I eventually got to the thing about the collectibles. OMG who cares about the collectibles. Your husband is beyond ridiculous about moving you into the living room, etc. What a child.