(Closed) how do I apologize

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

monique637 :  I don’t blame you for wanting to apologize for accusing his friends of something.. but that’s a small issue compared to him wanting you to sleep in your living room to accommodate his guests. 

Just coming from somebody who works in IT.. there’s always a way to move your router or your connection. Most gamers would prefer a wired connection for gaming, so just get longer ethernet cables to run to another room. Or get a Powerline connect to have an additional router in another room of your house. Either solution is fairly inexpensive and would solve your router problem easily. PM me if you want to know more to tell your husband about next time! 

Post # 32
Member
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Given your update it sounds like a major red flag that your husband cares more about the comfort and feelings of his nephews over his wife and children. Pregnant wife and really young children makes it a larger concern

Post # 33
Member
5111 posts
Bee Keeper

monique637 :  I couldn’t read the whole thing because he was just awful to you. You’re 9 months pregnant and he decides to have a party where you have to sleep away from your bedroom? And strangers with a one year old in the house? F that shit. Yea sure apologize for accusing them, right after they apologize for not even saying hello to you in your own house. I’m livid just thinking of it. You don’t need this kind of stress when you’re pregnant. I’m sorry bee. 

Post # 34
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

What the hell, you’re pregnant and he thought you and your children sleeping in the living room so he could play games was a reasonable option? Your husband needs to grow up. I wouldn’t apologize. 

Post # 35
Member
6435 posts
Bee Keeper

funnyfox :  You are most definitely in the minority.  She’s 9 months pregnant, she has a 1 year old that co-sleeps and a 5 year old that sleeps probably somewhat near their master room and it’s fine that “strange” men come into her home and her husband kick out of her bedroom basically?  No that’s rude as anything and something a husband shouldn’t be doing.  If anything the party should have been hosted at another house.  When I was 9 months pregnant, my husband had more common sense then to have all that stuff there at our house if he had gaming parties, which he really didn’t, but he did occasionally game.

Post # 36
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee

so I honestly was afraid that if I said no, he would be upset so I went along with it for the sake of not fighting

You are 9 months pregnant. You have 2 young children. You are his wife. What the hell kind of BS situation is this, where you have to worry about angering him, a 28 year old man, if he cannot play video games with 19 year olds until 5AM??

If your husband cannot provide a stress-free environment for you to spend these last few weeks before you give birth to your child, then maybe temporarily moving home to your parents is a good idea.  Even putting aside the MAJOR concerns about your relationship (and how your husband is a selfish prick), you need to focus on your health and your baby’s health. Stress, high emotions, disruptive living situations…all of this sounds plain bad for you right now.

Post # 37
Member
2978 posts
Sugar bee

1. Your husband needs to spend time with you and his children rather than playing computer games with strangers. 

2. I’m a bit worried about your mathematics, OP.  In your last thread, three months ago, you were seven months pregnant. Now, three months later, you are just over eight months pregnant. Be a bit more precise.

3. Last time your husband stayed at a party so that you had to drive home alone. That was irresponsible of him. Good thing you didn’t go into early labour en route.

4. I fear I see a pattern emerging. You need to be absolutly clear about your wishes and his family responsibilities.

 

Post # 38
Member
1661 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Your husband kicked his heavily pregnant wife and small child out of their own bedroom so he could play games with his mates?!

No. Just absolutely no. 

Post # 39
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

 

funnyfox :  

It’s the timing of the party. She is about to give birth, and prob isn’t feeling great. Plus…most women don’t give birth on their due dates, so having people over when your spouse could go into labor is just weird.

it’s common decency to include and introduce your spouse so they aren’t strangers to your guests. I’d also say she is 9 months pregnant.  I mean…pregnancy is awful for some women. A party when one spouse is sick or under the weather is not OK especially if she had no privacy. It also ignores the fact that the father basically dumped caring for the toddler on her during the party.

If OP didn’t have kids..or wasn’t pregant, I think your right, but those two facts change the acceptability of a party.

Post # 40
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

tillymac :  Yes, I can’t wrap my head around the selfishness of this – kicking his wife out of bed to sleep on the couch when she’s 8+ months’ pregnant.

He’s a father of a 5 year old and a 1 year old, and soon to have another one. The rule needs to be hard and fast:

No more LAN parties at your house

If he wants a LAN party he can go to someone else’s place. If he wants guests they must be out of the house by 10 pm. No exceptions.

Post # 41
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

monique637 :  Your husband needs to grow the fuck up. He has a spouse, two small children and a third on the way. This extended adolescence bullshit needs to stop. He can’t balance being a husband/father and pretending to still be 19, so something’s gotta give. Considering his abhorrent treatment of you, maybe it should be you and the kids.

I strongly suggest both of you enter therapy. You need to recover your backbone and overcome your aversion to conflict, and he needs to figure out how to be an empathetic and responsible adult. That could very well mean going your separate ways, because I can’t imagine this man being any kind of a decent father if his priorities are this deeply screwed up.

Post # 42
Member
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

aussiemum1248 :  Yes! This!

My response would’ve been to him: Ok, fine. I’m saying no now. No more LAN parties. No more 19 year olds trapsing through my house and kitchen at all hours of the night. No more acting like a teenager instead of a MAN and husband. Just no!

You are so afraid of him getting mad, what about you? Why can’t you get mad??

Post # 43
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

monique637 :  “He thinks because he supports me and I’m his wife that everything I am feeling is just ubsurd.”

He supports you? Really?

Who’s carrying the baby? Who does most of the parenting? Who does most of the housework? Who does most of the cooking? You need to remind him that you’re, I’m guessing, working at least as hard as him.

Post # 44
Member
2753 posts
Sugar bee

I read your threads with my mouth hanging open.  In blunt english–your guy is an incosiderate immature bone headed pig.  For Christ sake you are carrying his child and you are due 20 days from now.  You should be treated with respect care and consideration.  Sorry to tell you he’s a selfish asshole and it doesn’t sound like this was a momentary lapse in judgment on his part. I’m afraid unless you have a come to Jesus meeting with him this will be your llife the next 20 years.  I don’t usually jump on the counselling bandwagon, but I think you both should see one.  And make sure the counseler is a specialist in adolescent probems because you are married to one big baby who makes my 6 year old nephew look mature.

Good luck to you.  You’re gonna need it.

Post # 45
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Your update brings up red flags to me. Has he ever been physically abusive towards you? Why are you so afraid of angering him? You are clearly terrified of this man and will do anything to avoid conflict with him. He tells you that you are stupid and irrational when you voice your concerns about his judgment and lack of consideration? No.

Stay with your parents and tell him that counseling is mandatory if he wants to continue this marraige and have you move back home. It sounds like he will cause you more stress instead of help when the baby comes. Don’t keep putting up with this, it’s not how it’s supposed to be. His behavior is far from normal, and frankly so is yours. You sound like you are caught up in a cycle of abuse. 

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