(Closed) how do I apologize

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 46
900 posts
Busy bee

Maybe I don’t understand LAN parties, but why on earth did your husband and his rude friends have to be in the same physical room as the router? Some preliminary googling has reassured me that you do not need a wired connection to create a local area network, and routers are generally designed to cover a whole house footprint (and if yours doesn’t, perhaps you need a less shitty router). Do you live in some sort of signal-blocking dungeon? 

This guy sounds like a mega douche. 

Post # 47
10649 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

My husband says you get a very long cord and move the router or don’t have a lan party.  A party like that isn’t for the bedroom.

Post # 48
5082 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

He needs to have these parties somewhere else. Rip the modem/router out of the bedroom wall and send him on his way to a hardware store. He can figure out how to put extension cables in and have the router in the living room. There would be no game playing with friends in my bedroom, no way no how.

Does he realize that a baby will be at home within the next few weeks and that the games will have to go away permanently? I would explain that to him.  If he gets a desperate need for another lan party he can go to a buddies house to play.

Next time he pulls this shit, have your parents come over. Nothing will clear a party out faster.

Post # 49
9333 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

saratiara2 :  I’m with you on this one.

Post # 50
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You could have handled your thoughts on the LAN party better from the get-go, sure. But your real problem is that you are married to a bag of dicks who will seemingly dismiss your concerns in a rage no matter how you express them, so… 

…if it were me, I’d be at my parents’ place. Not for a LAN party. Like, indefinitely. This guy is missing a chip somewhere. 

Post # 51
3090 posts
Sugar bee

You are about to give birth and he wanted you and your one year old to co sleep in the living room while he played video games all night in your bedroom with nephews and strangers he met online (while even leaving you alone with said strangers for a portion of the night)? And you’re asking if you should APOLOGIZE to him because you (rightfully) thought his stranger friends could have stolen something of yours?

What the ACTUAL fuck?

Post # 52
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

monique637 :  Oh helllll no! And I say that married to a life long gamer. One of my DH’s friends he met online was even a groomsmen in our wedding for god sakes. I had never met him but Darling Husband had gone to visit him a few years back and they talk every day. I am friends with his close gaming friends on fb etc and we have Video Game Olympics together at our houses but even then we aren’t ever left alone with people or leaving them alone in our house or when we do this at a friends house. Maybe we would with people we have now known for years and are now real life friends but not new people. 

IF IF IF Darling Husband wants to game with strangers he goes to a public LAN center. You may check online chances are there is one in your area. Darling Husband has a membership to a local one. They have massive TVs and couches and you can even byo games and systems. What he did was super weird. Darling Husband would never leave me alone with a stranger who can’t even bother to introduce himself. He didn’t even want to leave me alone with the internet installer for goodness sakes. 

Post # 53
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Judging from this and your other past post – your husbands an idiot with no respect for his wife or children. Not to mention how RIDICULOUS it is that he invited these people into your house and wanted you to SLEEP in the living room?!?! Like – what?!?! Then he left you ALONE with some rando???

I’d divorce his ass and leave.

Post # 54
6457 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

This is really aggravating to read. Your husband sounds selfish and childish and you sound like a total pushover. There is no fucking way that I would allow strange men to be roaming my house during the night when I have a 5 year old daughter and 1 year old son trying to sleep. I wouldn’t allow strange men to roam my house when I was trying to sleep. Your husband is clearly too goddamn stupid to recognize what utter bullshit that idea was but the fact that you even entertained it is astounding to me.

“Sweetheart, I want to have a LAN party on x, y, z, night. “

“No. I’m pregnant, we have small children. I do not want a party happening in the house all night.”

“I was thinking we could move you and the kids out into the living room and play video games in the bedroom all night.”

“The fuck you are. Have you lost your fucking mind?!”

Your husband is a jackass- the fact that his peer group seems to be 19-21 year olds might be part of it. But just because he’s dumb as shit doesn’t mean you need to go along with it. 

Did you call his friends to accuse them of stealing? If not, then you don’t need to apologize to them or him.

ETA- I’m guessing that you’re pretty young and that’s why you’re unsure about whether or not you need to apologize and also why you sound less than firm in your interactions with your husband. A good gauge moving forward is that if something is upsetting or concerning to you, you should respect your own feelings. Also, a good gauge- if it jeopardizes the health, safety or well being of your children- you have ultimate veto power over any stupid ass idea your husband comes up with.

Post # 55
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

AB Bride :  From what she’s written, I’m guessing OP’s husband simply didn’t bother to reserach ways the LAN party could be moved out of the bedroom. Kicking his wife and kid out was easier, so he did that. 

I had a gamer ex-husband. Though he never had people over to play, he would play constantly and it got to be a problem. Then I was diagnosed with cancer and was going through chemo and he still played all the time and would act put out when I needed or wanted anything, but was too weak to get it myself. He was well in his 30’s. So, yeah, that behavior doesn’t necessarily stop with age.

Post # 56
5846 posts
Bee Keeper

funnyfox :  LAN parties may not be a big deal- but his treatment of his very pregnant wife and vulnerable kids sure as hell is! Please read herrera2016 ‘s response. It’s FINE to be a gamer, it’s FINE to become friends with people you meet online, but it’s not fine to utterly disregard the safety and comfort of your own family. OP’s husband behaved incredibly selfishly and irresponsibly. Men can be gamers or into football or golf or whatever and still be responsible, loving spouses and fathers. In the case of OP’s husband, he sounds like an immature selfish frat boy who acts like a bachelor inconvenienced by a pregnant wife and children. 


Post # 57
1125 posts
Bumble bee

I personally don’t agree with everyone else that it’s horrible for your husband to have had this at the house…my husband also loves video/PC games, and I would be totally fine with him doing that. I really hate when women don’t “allow” their husbands to do things they enjoy simply because it’s not the most convenient for them. Who cares if you have to spend one night in the living room? It’s one night, and I guarantee your son didn’t notice/care. I do understand you feeling uncomfortable with strangers in the house, and I do think it was wrong of them to not even introduce themselves. That part I totally get. I would apologize for the collectibles, see what he has to say about that night, and discuss things like adults.


Also, just another thing, I really don’t like that so many people think men shouldn’t have a passion for video games. It’s the same as a passion for football or basketball, and no one ever complains about someone being a “man child” for enjoying sports. It’s a ridiculous double standard.


Edit: I read your update and I think your problem is much bigger than just this night…he doesn’t sound respectful. You shouldn’t have to worry about making your husband mad…you should always be able to talk about something that concerns you without him telling you your feelings are absurd. While I don’t think that the LAN party was necessarily a bad idea in and of itself, I think the way he went about it was wrong. 

Post # 58
5846 posts
Bee Keeper

califlorican :  I don’t know if you were referring to my posts about being a man-child, or posts in general, but you seem to have missed my point. Having a passion for gaming doesn’t make him a man-child, putting himself before his pregnant wife and children makes him a man-child. And this answer would be the same for football or basketball or anything else. 

My husband dosen’t need my ‘permission’ to indulge in whatever hobbies or sports interests him. But putting me out of my own bedroom and leaving strangers in our home unattended is another matter entirely. And it’s most definitely NOT a double standard, because it wouldn’t be cool if I did this to him either. 

Post # 59
5846 posts
Bee Keeper

mimivac :  That’s horrible, I can see why he’s an ex. I hope you’re doing better health-wise. This is an excellent, awful example of a husband who puts himself and his hobbies ahead of his wife. Which is the problem with OP’s husband, not that gaming itself is a bad thing in moderation. 

Post # 60
1125 posts
Bumble bee

RobbieAndJuliahaha :  

I wasn’t referring to your comment; hadn’t even read yours. I was referring to others in the beginning of the thread. And I meant double standard as in a love of sports is never seen as being a man-child, but somehow video games are. I know men who watch football all day Sunday, and that’s just “being a man”, but when a guy likes to play video games all day, he needs to “grow up and stop being a child”. I’m not saying everybody sees it like that, but I’ve met a lot of people who do see it that way.

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