how do I approach/handle not inviting my aunties sons.

posted 1 week ago in Guests
Post # 2
1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You can either include a note with your invitiations / on your website which states you are having an adult only wedding, or you can just adress the invite to her and let her know if she asks about the sons.

There is nothing wrong with having an adults only wedding and if some guests in the same circle (cousins) are over that age limit and not inviting the ones who are below.

If she doesn’t want to come then that is her issue.

Post # 3
46756 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Invite the guests you want. Have a response prepared if she confronts you about it. “We are unable to include the children. If that means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”

End of disussion. Repeat as necessary.

Post # 4
344 posts
Helper bee

I also didn’t invite my cousins because they were kids (12 and 13). Their mothers (my aunt and H’s aunt) were both upset by this. I stood my ground but they still brought the kids anyways. No seats for them, no dinner for them. Both sets of aunts and cousins left early because the kids were bored. Aunts proceeded to tell me they were upset they had to leave early. Welp, shouldn’t have brought your kids.

Anyways, don’t invite them. Send the invite to her only and if she brings it up, explain you’re not having kids at the wedding. Also, if she RSVP’s for them, reach out and explain. Your aunt will have plenty of time to arrange for care for the kids.

And she can’t really throw in your face the no kids thing if you’re inviting her sister’s adult kids. Everyone is someone’s kid, and they’re adults.

Post # 5
4759 posts
Honey bee

You can’t say you are having “no kids” when you are clearly having 2 kids. My honest opinion, it would be easier to draw this line if those kids weren’t invited. Then you are having a fully adults only wedding. I’m betting your aunt will see these two girls and be pissed that there WERE kids invited, just not hers. I don’t think there is going to be an easy way around this tbh. Just something you’re going ot have to deal with. 

Post # 7
1474 posts
Bumble bee

You can’t say you’re not inviting kids when there are two in the wedding party. But you can always be HONEST. If your aunt asks, I would just tell her that her children’s behavior makes it impossible for you to invite them. She’ll either understand or tell you she’s not coming. 

Post # 8
2344 posts
Buzzing bee

Your other Aunt’s kids who are adults don’t count as kids. Surely the Aunt with the ‘alternatively behaved” kids knows that they are not suited to elegant gatherings? Maybe she doesn’t care. 

I say don’t invite them. I can’t see anyone sticking up for her, saying they want them there. If she brings them anyway, expect her to handle them and if she doesn’t ask her to take them home. Have someone who knows her well tell her. 

Post # 9
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Yea I agree with the other bee’s. Your not having and adult only wedding. Your flower girls are children. So you can’t use that. I would definatly bring it up before the invites go out. At least she would be prepared and not shocked. It’s your wedding. Simply explain it to her. Your an adult and she is an adult. I think she would be more at eased to hear it come from you rather than be surprized by it. Just be honest with her.

Post # 10
3032 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I would address it before the invitations go out so there’s no confusion. I would frame it around the childcare aspect of it, call to let her know that you will be having an 18+ wedding, with the exception of your flower girls and that you wanted to give her a heads up so she has lots of time to find childcare if she would like to attend. I think it does make it harder to explain because you are having a couple kids there, but it’s your wedding and your decision. You just gotta own it and face the backlash, if there is any. 

Post # 14
4976 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

julies1949 :  this.

OP- you do not owe your aunt an explanation in advance. Or at all. Invite her and if she has questions, and you are willing, respond with your pat answer.

If someone closer to her is willing to have an uncomfortable conversation about her parenting choices at some point in the future, so much the better for her boys. But that isn’t your job.

Post # 15
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Children who are in the wedding are an exception, so no that doesn’t mean she is not having an adults only wedding. What is she supposed to do? Send the flower girls home after the ceremony? It is perfectly OK to have children who are actually in the wedding attend the reception, but not actually invite other children. It is still an adults only wedding.

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