(Closed) How do I approach this situation?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

“I know you are planning your future with me in mind and I feel the same way. But one thing that I’d like to remind you is that I made a promise to myself that I would not move with a man until I am married. Since you are going to be moving next May, how do you see this working out?” 

Then listen to what he has to say.

But be open to things not being exactly the way you thought they would be. Like, you get engaged and move with him and plan your wedding long distance back home. Or you get engaged and he moves, you stay behind to plan the wedding and move once you are married. Or he moves and you arent engaged and just date long distance until he is ready to get engaged.

One thing I had to enlighted my Darling Husband about is a wedding timeline. He had not idea that weddings took planning and time. So if you want a traditional wedding, it can take up to a year (depending on when things get filled up in your area) to plan it. If you want a smaller wedding or courthouse wedding, of course the timeline can be shorter. But getting engaged and married in the next 5 months while he is finishing medical school–probably not going to happen.

PS- if you feel like you cant talk to him about this, you may want to reconsider marrying him. Marriages only work with you can have the difficult conversations. 

Post # 3
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like you two have been good about communicating. He wants you to move with him for residency, and you want to fully commit before moving for residency. Transitioning from med student to intern is a big deal. If he’s finishing up in May, he’s probably planning on proposing before that (maybe around Match Day!), and then getting married after he’s started residency, unless you have said you want a very simple wedding that can be planned in only a few months. He might want to be making some money as a resident before actually getting married.

Are you sure you will be moving away? He might be hoping to match where you are currently located. I think getting engaged is a big enough commitment to lock down moving with him if he does end up moving. The logistics of wedding planning are secondary. 

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