(Closed) How do I ask BF when we’re getting engaged and how long should I wait?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Tell him the truth.  You want to spend the rest of your life with him, get married, have kids – but you have this timeline you guys have already discussed.  He may be oblivious about it, not realizing it crept up so quickly.

Post # 4
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It does sound good as he is thinking and planning about it.

I’m not sure exactly what you can say, but along the lines of …’You know how you were looking at rings and said you wanted to go together? Do you want to go this weekend/ X date? And although I’m sure you want it to be a surprise, could we discuss what sort of timeline we are looking at since the first one has been missed and I just need some reassurance?’

Post # 5
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

Haha! I actually asked my bf that question last night. I waited till he was gazing at me and smiling and said.”Soooooo, when are we getting engaged? Do you have the day picked out?” in a flirty/ coy voice. He just smiled. I kept pushing but didn’t get anything other than he’s past the thinking about stage and is in the planning stage. So I may not give the best advice but….

For you, it depends on each of your personalities. Is he laid back? Do you tease each other a lot? How about directing the conversation towards it then asking some indirect question like if you two  will be engaged this year or in 2013?

Hop

Post # 6
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

From my calculations he is only a little bit over your agreed timeline? Plus it sounds like he has been thinking about it. I would just wait for a weekend when you dont have much on and see if he wants to go ring shopping. If he doesnt, just ask him when would be a convenient time 😉

Post # 7
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

Does he know you went to look at rings and does he know specifically what you want?  Is it possible that he could already know what you want and be trying to throw you off?  Given all the ring talk from him, I’d assume he is serious and try to give him a bit of space if you think he might be planning a surprise proposal in the near term.  If you are sure that he isn’t going to do anything until you look at rings together, then I would gently bring it up sooner rather than later.  Not that what you did was wrong, but you may have unintentionally delayed things when you told him you wanted to help pick out the ring.  Maybe he thinks he needs longer to save for what you want?  

Post # 9
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

“So when are we going ring shopping?”

Simple, to the point.

Post # 10
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Take him to the mall, casually stroll through, “Oh look! I just want to look at some rings real quick!” Needless to say, I walked out with my engagement ring, true story >:)

Post # 11
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I understand this is kind of an awkward situation, but seriously, if you ask about the timeline that you both had discussed, what is he going to do? It sounds as if he is committed — I don’t think he would just pick up and leave. Be calm, not pushy, just ask about what the plan is for the future, when you might want to get married (fall, spring) how that impacts when you get engaged/start planning. Guys are sometimes just oblivious. 

Please don’t read my sentence as snarky or anything — It just frustrates me when people are worried about speaking up. Unless you have had huge fights about this, or you’ve been nagging daily for a few months, there shouldn’t be any topics “off limits” in a committed relationship. Just my 2 cents.

Post # 13
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@futuremrste: I would say tell him exactly what you just said. You just want to check in on the plan and see where he is at, making sure you are on the same page. Good luck with everything! I know waiting sucks, but in the end, at least in my case, it was worth it!

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