(Closed) How do I ask tactfully about who gave us this gift?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How do I find out who gave us the gift?
    Email the girl directly and ask her outright? : (3 votes)
    12 %
    Email the girl and thank her for her generous gift, and hope she clarifies that it's a group gift? : (8 votes)
    32 %
    Send the thank you card and just assume it's a personal gift from her? : (14 votes)
    56 %
  • Post # 3
    3726 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @MsGolightly:  I would send the thank you card and just assume it’s a personal gift from her AND also contact the other coworkers and see if it was a group gift.

    Post # 4
    205 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @MsGolightly:  I would NOT contact the other coworkers to ask if it was a group gift. If it wasn’t a group gift, you will come off as rude and presumptuous. I would send a thank you to the buyer and hope that she has enough sense to let you know if other people were involved. If she doesn’t, would she at least share your thank you note with the others?

    Post # 6
    2474 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MsGolightly:  I wouldnt say anything to the office people… I would just simply send her a thank you card addressed to her, and if its from the whole office she may email you and say “hey just thought I’d let you know it was from ____ also….” You dont really need to tackfully say anything because the people you may be ousting wont see HER thank you card… only you and her will know and I doubt she would say anything to them. You then respond oh wow thank you I will be sure to send them a card as well.

    IF you want to basically ask her … you can in the thank you (or a separate email) maybe write Thank you so much for the wonderful baking dish I love it so much. We actually had a few mix up’s with a few cards falling off the gifts/missing and there wasnt one attached to it. We were very grateful our registry had a log of names corresponding to the gifts so we could make sure to thank you 🙂

    …. that should indicate to her you didnt get the card which may or may not have had several co-workers names on it…. if its a joint gift she will then probably realize you dont know the whole story….

    We had a similar situation and we posted on FB something like: Darling Husband and I have run into a situation…. we received some amazing cookware as a ift for our wedding unfortunatly the card was displaced. We would really want to thank whoever gave this to us, if you know anything please PM one of us……

    We didnt really have a choice lol… there were several couples who didnt gift anything and non of them were in a specific social circle so we couldnt “poke around” to find out… it was either do nothing and be rude and make them think we werent acknowledging them, or try to open the floor lol

    Post # 7
    3370 posts
    Sugar bee

    @MsGolightly:  Sticky business. The only reason I picked “e-mail, hoping she’ll clarify” is because I was once accidentally thanked for the wrong gift. It was a friend of my exH’s who got married. His new wife somehow got confused and thought we gave them a gift when in fact we were dirt poor and I was 8 months pregnant and not working. I didn’t attend the wedding or reception because I couldn’t even afford to buy dress clothes. We didn’t give them a gift at all.

    Then we got thank you note and I didn’t know what to do. Obviously someone gave them that gift, but it wasn’t us. I didn’t want to embarrass her or us by bringing it up face to face and I didn’t know any other way to get ahold of her. I ended up talking to my Mother-In-Law and having her talk to the new bride’s Mother-In-Law so she could bring it up to her and we could all just forget she thanked the wrong person. In that case I would have loved an e-mail first because then I would have said “Oh, I’m sorry for the confusion, that gift wasn’t from us.”

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