Post # 1
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
I just got engaged and am ecstatic about it. I love my Fiance to death and I wish this could just be a time to celebrate instead of worrying about inadvertently offending people.
We are planning on having a small wedding – just immediate family and close friends. Not because we can’t afford to have a big one, but because that’s what we both truly want.
My parents seem fine with this. They are a bit disappointed, but are very respectful and supportive of my decisions in general. They have not said a word about inviting anyone that I don’t want to invite.
The real problem is my large extended family. Some of them are perfectly nice. But in general there tends to be a lot of gossip and unnecessary drama involved on one side of the family. Any tips on how to tell my extended family I’m not having a big family wedding? All I can think of is to simply say, "We’re just having immediate family and close friends." There is no way I want to invite all 70 of them. The idea of inviting only a few of them and facing the wrath of the rest of the family is an even worse alternative.
I know there are lot of women who DO invite everyone they "have" to invite. My older sister did, and did it graciously. Kudos to you girls! I just don’t think I can do it.
Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
First off, congratulations on your engagement! While we didn’t have the exact same situation, my husband and I also wanted a relatively small wedding, and we both have large extended families. I think that you are in a good position to establish the precedent for the wedding now as it’s early on in your engagement and your parents haven’t "spread the word." If you think that this extended family will just "presume" a large wedding (because your sister had one, etc), then maybe it’s best to start intentionally spreading the word that you are going to have a very intimate wedding with immediate family only. If it’s early in your engagement, folks will be bound to ask "Have you set a date?" etc, and instead of saying "Not yet," you can take that as the opportunity to say "We are planning a very small wedding with immediate family only."
How big are you thinking it will be? Are we talking 20 people, 50 people, 75 people? Small means different things to different people. If it’s TRULY small (20 people or less), it should be easier to explain, but when it gets up in numbers, it’s harder.
Good luck, and enjoy your engagement!
Post # 4
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
yeah we’re having a small one too first because his family is all in england and all my extended family is in the Philippines plus we want to buy a house and save money, so 50 – 60 for us is a perfect number only our immediate family who we care about, my 1 st cousins since they’re all here and our closest friends we keep in touch with and actually see ona regular basis
I don’t think a wedding is a good time to catch up with old friends you haven’t seen in ages because you don’t spend quality time, they are no longer in your lives, you have both moved on, I think it should be with your closest friends and family and when I say friends, friends you actually interact with on a regular basis
if you have talked to them in 1 year, hmm, ya think they’re really going to travel 5000 miles?
Post # 5
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
Thanks, ladies! I took your advice and this morning I responded to a comment one of my cousins had posted on Facebook. I told him that we are just having a small wedding. By this, I mean 30-40 people. I am hoping he will not be offended. We are not close at all – I can’t even remember the last time I saw this cousin in person! It was years ago. He did not even attend my sister’s wedding three years ago. Anyway, I am hoping he will spread the word.
You would be surprised how many people travel to weddings, even when you haven’t seen them in years! My sister warned me about that. A lot of people came to her wedding that she did not anticipate would show up. Most of them she was very happy about.
I talked to my mother about it, and could not believe how supportive she is being. I think she is just happy that I’m getting married, which is so sweet.
ilovenyc – good luck with your wedding, too!
Post # 6
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Congratulations to you both!
I’m with you. This time I am NOT inviting the people I haven’t seen since the last family reunion..which is over 10 years ago. Nope. There is no reason to.
How about a small destination wedding? That’s a great alternative! You could say "It’s going to be immediately family only and we’re going away for it".
Post # 7
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
First off– Congrats!
I feel your pain. I come from a very large Italian family (my grandmother had 9 siblings!) and it is just impossible to invite them all. Coupled with the fact I want a small, intimate wedding where I can enjoy myself and my guests. I ended up having to compromise with my grandmother– I had to at least invite family members I interact with regularly (even if it’s only twice a month). The rest (aka the ones I haven’t seen except once every 5 years) would not be invited– not that I don’t like them but there just simply isn’t enough money. Plus, I HARDLY know them!
In any case, you can always cite your wedding budget as a reason why you simply can’t invite EVERYONE. Or, you could do the destination wedding as mentioned above. It’s YOUR day, it should be at least CLOSE to what you want if not exactly!
Post # 8
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
Thanks for the advice, bees!
Yes – we’ve decided on the destination wedding! Hawaii – we spent a couple of months there this year and fell in love with it. The one drawback is that it will be expensive for people to travel there. We will probably end up helping out some of the guests with their travel costs, etc.
I have already been told by some people that our decision is "very inconvenient." Oh well. I’m not the kind of woman to turn Bridezilla, but in my head, I’m already starting to think, "Well, it’s my day."
