(Closed) How do I bring this up to him?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Maybe you don’t inititate because you have no confidence? Make out with him and reach down and grab his package.

Usually people don’t initiate becasue of an intense fear of rejection? Does that sound like you?

Post # 4
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Focus on telling him why you enjoy being intimate with him – feeling close/connected to him, physical pleasure, etc. Telling him why you love being with him is a good way to keep the conversation from seeming like you’re criticising. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@vmec: I think there are a lot of other reasons a person might not initiate sex! From her post, it sounds like the OP is a bit more on the conservative/reserved side!

Post # 7
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I also mirror what DDW said

remind him that it makes you happy when you guys have intimate time together. Instead of focusing on what he is doing wrong (lack of intimacy) that makes you sad.

Are you guys intimate in other ways that doesnt involve actual sex?  If not, could you guys set aside time to lay naked, give eathother massages, take a bath together, intmate time that doesnt necessarly lead to actual sex but could help bring a sence of closeness and intimacy back into your relationship. If I was guessing that is really what you are missing, not the physical act but the emotional aspect of sex.

 

Post # 8
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Shirinjoon:

It might actually be the medication doing it to him ( well his little buddy) I know that muscle relaxants and a bunch of other medications cause ED no matter how old you are, and if he has to be on those meds than that will be a problem. It wont help grabbing anything or how sexy you are to him, the medication will not let it work. Find out the exact name of the medication he is on and google it to see what all of the side effects are.

Post # 9
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Maybe detail in specifics what you missed that he did so well- softly kissed your breasts, gentle touches to your thighs, etc.  It will reinforce all the things he did well and you enjoyed.  Ego boost.

Post # 11
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Shirinjoon: Alright, so what are you actively doing about it? Such problems don’t just “go away” typically they’re just buried as you pretend to move on however the insecurities are always and forever there until you do something about it. Most notably conselling- I suggest you look into it. You can also spill the beans of lack of sex and get help/ suggestions with both issues.

Post # 13
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@Shirinjoon: how long has he been on the antidepressants, this is a very common side affect and it often ends up getting better over time.

Post # 14
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Shirinjoon: Maybe you could start the conversation with asking how he feels like the meds are working, whether he’s noticed any major side effects, how he feels about the side effects and whether the positive outweighs the negative, etc.

If there are other medicines that might help, his doctor may be able to try a different medication and the side effects may vary.

Even if it’s killed his sex drive so that it makes him not initiate, that doesn’t necessarily mean he can’t perform sexually, or that he wouldn’t still want to – it just may take more to get him in the mood (foreplay for men!)

Post # 15
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@ddw: You are hitting it right on the head.  Great advice.

 

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