(Closed) How do I bring this up??

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

If you remove the requirement for August/September, you’ll make things a lot easier on yourself. 

Post # 4
Member
479 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I agree with PP.  Don’t push things.  Get engaged when you get engaged.  Besides, it is often difficult to find venues with less than a year to the wedding.  Our venue was booked all around our date, and we were 20 months out.  

Post # 5
Member
211 posts
Helper bee

Ask him about when he wants to get married and say that you were hoping for an August or September wedding, but if you wait until you are engaged then you will either need to rush to plan the wedding or need to wait 2 years to get married. Just feel out what his thoughts are because he might have a whole different vision then you do and you guys might need to compromise.

Do you guys want a big or small wedding? If you wanted a Aug-Sept 2018 wedding then you would be coming up with a rough guest list right now and booking your venue(s). I would be most concerned about getting your dress but there are ways to speed this up too. Get a sample and have it altered. I think my SILs dress took 6 months to come in and she started alterations 3 months before the wedding. I personally don’t like the idea of booking stuff and buying dresses before you are engaged… But maybe he would be okay with it. 

Theres no saying he won’t propose next week but again he might wait until May too lol so hard to know what his plans are. Do you have any special days coming up before May?   

Basically you just have to talk to him and be heartfelt and be willing to compromise. If he doesn’t want to get married in 2018 you might have to be willing to wait the almost 2 years or choose an earlier date.

Post # 6
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

You’ve given him a timeline, and he wants to fulfill that. let him, don’t pressure him anymore and let him do the proposal he wants to. I know waiting is super hard (I’m waiting right now and slowly dying inside!!), but you really need to let this be.

Either take out the Aug/Sept requirement, or adjust yourself to the thought of how waiting two years really isn’t that bad. 

I already know I’m going to have to wait another 2.5 years for our wedding if he proposes this year, and will have a total of 6.5 years of dating before getting married. All good things come with time. Do your best to stop obsessing over the proposal and wedding, and try to invest your thoughts and energy to other things, such as hobbies or other new skills. Best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

Did you ask your boyfriend when he wants to marry? Maybe he is planning to have a long engagement and doesn’t want to marry before 2020?

Post # 8
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Prior to getting engaged, I was pushing for a one year engagement max and I wanted to get married in September. Therefore, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to push him to get engaged. While pushing and pushing, things got tense between us. He felt pressured, I felt pressured and no engagement or anything came out of all this pressure. It went on like this for a good 6 months until he straight up told me how the pressure made him feel. I felt like a huge bitch (sorry if I offend anyone). I love this man so much and I made him feel so stressed. I’m the person he should come to when he’s stressed, not want to run away from! 

Eventually we got engaged and are having a two year engagement. Is this my ideal timeline? Absolutely not but making my fiance happy, makes me happy. And I had to think to myself, at the end of the day, what is more important? Finding a timeline that worked for the both of us or potentially losing him from pressure? I am happy with our timeline. I thought it would be a long time. But like the post ahead of me said, a lot of things need to be done quite a bit of time in advance. I am happy having a two year engagement because I have the time to look at all my options and still have time to book. 

I just thought I would tell you my own personal experience. I still feel guilty about how pushy I was purely because of a timeline. 

Post # 9
Member
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You need to have another conversation with your SO regarding timeline, not just the engagement but when you would like to marry.  In doing so, take his feelings into consideration.

Depending on your potential venue and the type of wedding you have you may not need a full year to plan.  It is possible you may need to sacrifice your preferred wedding months in exchange for a shorter engagement.

Post # 10
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I see that August or September is YOUR ideal time for a wedding, but what about his ideas? Maybe he has a completely different thought. Maybe he does want to wait more than a year to actually have the wedding. 

I’d just take the August/September thing out of the equation for now. He said he’d be proposing before May so there is tons of time. It could happen before the end of the year and then August/September will still seem doable. You never know!

I had always thought I wanted to get married in late September/early October. But my husband proposed in April. Like you, I didn’t want to wait longer than a year to get married and I also didn’t want to rush and do it all in 6 months. So we got married the next spring instead. And you know what? It was amazing! I wouldn’t have changed a thing. 

Post # 11
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

Unless you want to marry in a small town where not very many people are getting married youre probably being pretty unrealistic. My fiance and I are super flexible and looking at venues with a wide range of dates, basically anything except winter and even still theres only a few dates available at every venue we’ve talked to. 

Post # 12
Member
2763 posts
Sugar bee

Personally I think if you’re going to marry someone you should be able to talk about stuff like this. If you are both on the same page about getting married, I don’t think it should be a big deal to say, “Hey, I know we were talking about when we wanted to get engaged by, but could we also chat about when we’d want to get married? I was hoping we wouldn’t have a super long engagement, and ideally I’d love to get married in the summer.” 

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