(Closed) —-

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

You should not have to convince your SO to marry you. Regardless of whats going on, he should simply just want to marry you and until he is ready to do that just keep on waiting. Welcome to the bee.

Post # 6
Member
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

You can’t convince anyone to marry you. They have to decide on their own, and it sounds like you’re not quite on the same page. Would you really want to feel like you had to talk someone into marrying you?

Post # 8
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

SO likes to think very logically and weigh pros and cons – this is pretty much how every man is. It’s a good quality that he wants to have all his ducks in a row before getting married.

Do you really want to “convince” a guy to marry you? Wouldn’t you prefer to choose on his own because he wants to do it himself, not because you had to talk him into it?

Weigh your own pros and cons.. is he worth waiting for? If he is.. wait until your both ready. If its not worth waiting for.. leave Find a man that’s at a point in his life to commit.

Post # 9
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

If you love him more than you want to be married to someone, you just have to wait til you’re both ready.  If you’ve only been together for 2 years and are still in college, there’s no reason at all to jump into marriage.  Sounds like he’s being pretty sensible.

Post # 10
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Don’t forget it’s not all about you. It’s about him, too.  You may feel he’s making you wait; he may feel you’re rushing him. You have to find the balance in between there.  No amount of number-crunching or heartstring-tugging is going to change that fact.  There are no magic words that are going to make him suddenly pop the question. All you can do is explain why you want to be married, and ask him what would make him feel more strongly about it.

Post # 11
Member
9884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Welcome to the Hive! 

Please don’t try to “convince” your Boyfriend or Best Friend to go against his desire to wait for marriage, because if you’re both students and not financially stable it sounds as though he has very good reasons for wanting to wait.  You should respect that.  I’m sure being dependent on your parents is not what he or any mature man wants.

Post # 12
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@mishagirls79:  +1

He may want to wait for very good reasons. Finishing school, finding stable jobs (which can be difficult in this economy), etc. before getting married. Marriage is not something that should be forced. Let him take his time on this. It will all be worht it in the end.

Post # 13
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly I sm in the same camp as your SO. Darling Husband and I had been together 3 years when we graduated college. We didn’t get engaged for 3.5 more years. We both knew we wanted to be together, but we were so young (22 and 23) we saw no reason to rush. We used the time to establish our careers and build our relayionship in our post-graduation lives. We lived apart for a year before movinh in together. It was importsnt for my self confidence to know I could do that.

After we moved in together, we adjusted to our cohabitation which wasn’t easy. Looking back I amreally glad we took all the time we did. We weren’t looking to have kids right away so westill have tome to be married without them and we can both know we didn’t rush into anything.

Unless you want kids right away or have another pressing reason to get married (i.e. military deployment or visa issues), why not just enjoy your relationship for now and let the future bring what it will.

Do not try and push him to propose, it will only drive a wedge between you and harm your relationshop. You should not have to convince him he wants to marry you (just like he shouldn’t have to convince you). Marriage is a big comittment and neither party should feel pressured into it.

Post # 14
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lolot:  agree

 

after college, you deserve the opportunity to find yourselves, get jobs, be adults and you can still do that while together. Marriage is a huge commitment…it never works well when one is “forced” into a decision like that.

honest advice? Stop pushing him on the subject or you’ll push him away. Enjoy your time together and take a step back until he is more comfortable.

Post # 15
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Welcome! This site is awesome! 🙂

While I totally understand how you feel (I’m in waiting hell myself), please do not to try to convince him to marry you. He has to marry you because he wants to. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

BIG RED FLAG!

YOU DO have to worry yourselves about your fiancial limitations. Just because you are both graduating University (congrats btw) Doesn’t mean you WILL get a nice paying job and everything will be hunky dory. your SO sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders if he wants to take it slow. You guys have only been together for 2 years, why don’t you enjoy being together as you are now. There is no rush. 

Figure your lifes out first. both of you get good paying financial situations. Pay the rent on time for at least 1 year before .

Love does not pay the rent.

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