Post # 1
Hello bees 🙂
I am seeking coping advice please.
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and i have been together for 3.5 years, living together for 2. We have been watching all our close friends and family around us becoming engaged and I brought up the topic about 6 months ago. He was open to talking about it and said be patient but show me pics of rings you like.
6 months later…ie. yesterday….his brother got engaged to his Girlfriend and I am engraged with jealousy! they have been together half the time than we have. we are building a house together and they dont even live with eachother! why is their relationship at the wedding stage when ours isn’t???
Last night my Boyfriend or Best Friend said he felt guilty i was so upset about it as its his fault. But still to be patient bc he wants to make it special and not just “to propose over a chicken burger” as he put it.
He cant plan anything beyond the next couple of days. what if it never happens how long should i be waiting for this?
I appreciate any help you lovely people can give me….
Post # 3
waiting is tough:( it can be hard to remember that this is not a race and in the end if they have rushed things their relationship may suffer. I would ask your Boyfriend or Best Friend to set a time line with you to avoid this sort of frustration in the futurr
Post # 4
Waiting majorly sucks, no doubt about it. But don’t be angry at your SO’s brother for proposing. Every relationship moves at its own pace.
Your SO knows the frustration that it’s causing in your relationship…maybe it will speed the process up for you. Good luck, girl.
Post # 5
Well if he says wait for something special you can do one of two things.
2. Propose yourself.
I got sick of waiting for my guy. He can’t plan for shit and always procrastinates unless there’s a deadline. So I set up a really nice classic fancy dinner then proposal at a rose garden with flowers. I suggested we dress up for fun and we went along. It was a great and memorable proposal and he said “yes” 🙂
Post # 6
Thankyou so much for your responses.
utopia you are right, its not race…i just cant help but compare us to them.
torrid i know its not my BF’s bros fault…im more angry and my partner!
but being angry is only going to push him away and thats the absolute last thing i want! i will be here forever, he is my life partner, i just feel inadequate.
and that was a beautiful proposal story plumeria :))) godd things come to those who wait!
Post # 7
p.s. i could not propose myself. my mother proposed to my father…3 times before he said yes! but i truly believe the man should do the proposing.
Post # 8
Let me just tell you my story… just like yours! I have been with my Fiance for over 3 years. And had been CRAVING to get engaged, since we have been living together for two years (so its like we are just no ring haha). His Brother and girlfriend got engaged a few months back and man was I JEALOUS! So I kept pestering and pestering my poor guy! I would costantly Fight with him about it (because I wanted the commitment in our relationship and also the JOY)! Finally him and I came to an Agreement that the more I talk.. or complain about it the longer it will be until it happens. Well three months of not talking about turned in to a proposal on Friday! I couldn’t believe it! I was so shocked I never expected for it to happen so soon! Anyway the point is, you have to be on the same page with him (what does he want for his and your future?) My guy and I have always been on the same page, but I am just a pest sometimes and I know it! So let it be Give him time WITHOUT complaining or even bringing it up and if he feels the way you do then he will 🙂 I alwasy told my fiance I dont want to be together with out a proposal for 4 years… So I sort of set an ultamatum too… haha But enjoy your time togethe because it goes quick 🙂
Post # 9
roxykitten congratulations :))) that so great for you!
thank you for taking the time to post. i can be a pest too. it makes me feel better to see that others have been in my situation.
we want the same things for the future as he is very open to talking about it…work, where we want to live, kids etc so i just feel why the wait on getting engaged. But if i keep pestering it will just make things worse. And i can understand how if I talk about it all the time maybe it would ruin/destroy the surprise factor and if he feels pressured it will ruin the experience for him too.
Im trying hard not to feel left out.
i have kinda set an ultimatum basically before i turn 26…which is 18 months away. pretty generous i thought haha!! i’m souding like a crazy person. im just so ready for the next stage in life.
Im not going to mention it again for while…not until january so 3 months of silence.
Post # 10
I can totally relate to this story!
I’ve been with my fiance’ for 5.5 years, we got engaged January 1st of this year, finally! I remember friends of ours getting engaged and married all around us while we were still stuck in the “boyfriend / girlfriend stage” when we felt so much more closer then that.
I remember getting jealous, getting angry….I know it is really childish but these feelings still crawled around in my mind.
I cracked! I told my Fiance last year that I was done. I was ready to take this relationship to the next stage since we’d been talking about this since our second anniversary. He agreed and we began looking for a ring together, once I picked out a costume jewelry ring (We were saving up for the real thing until my mom surprised my fiance with her old engagement ring and they had it resized and given to me) and I waited for months for him to propose and he wouldn’t pop the question so I got impatient and said “Wouldn’t it be nice if you proposed to your dragon in the year of the dragon?” I was refering to my Chinese animal sign and the fact that 2012 is known as “The year of the dragon.”
And that is how I got him to propose to me!
What you’re feeling is okay, don’t be ashamed, try and move on from those emotions though. With a lot of patience, some grace and a pinch of desire you’ll find your happiness, he’ll propose and it will be special and unique to the both of you and once it does happen you’ll giggle to yourself about the feelings you once had while waiting.
Post # 11
@anxiouslywaiting: I know exactly how you feel!! I am in the same position and Im going crazy inside, I must think about it 100 times a day even though I am busy and have alot of hobbies. We are 30, have lived together for 3 years and loved and bought a house together for 2 years. He works away for a month at a time and he’s only got another week or so at home, at the weekend he took me out on a romatic/surprise date – everyone was convinced that he was going to pop the question. He took me to the place where we first met and the bar where we went for our first date but nothing! We had a fantastic time and I didn’t say anything. I’ve been quiet about the whole thing for the last couple of months as before I would pester etc and our relationship has grown closer and we both feel more in love without the arguements. Still, I cant help thinking about it all the time!!
Post # 12
I can def relate b/c i been with my so for a little over 3.5 yrs as well we been living together for 3 yrs and i’m also waiting…
the good thing is he said it WILL happen … and you guys are building a home together so that means he’s not going anywhere and he wants you to be his wife … I say let him know how important being committed to him is to you and leave it alone… let him plan something special .. Maybe he wants to do it over the holiday’s maybe even New Year’s … one thing you dont want is for him to feel forced , and make him feel gulity for not doing it when everyone else is … maybe he doesn’t want to be like everyone else…
Trust me I know it’s tough but all we can do is wait ( sucks they have so much control right LOL)
It will happen 🙂
Post # 13
@anxiouslywaiting: I just always said I wanted the next step in our relationship and I knew he wanted it too. I think the problem was that he was apprehensive of what his parent would think since we are only 21! But who knows maybe your boyfriend is worried about what others will think (which i think doesnt matter if it you know its right but hey my guy is very close to his family so I respect that!) or maybe he is waiting for the right time! 🙂 it will happen though, Im sure he is just thinking it is a big step for the both of you and making sure that it is the right step! Just relax and let it happen 🙂 (guys like when its their idea haha!)
Post # 14
It will happen! My Fiance never plan’s anything either, but for the proposal he actually did, and it was AMAZING and the only time he has ever really surpirsed me! But ,if you push him you might loose that bit of suspense and such that might have been. Guys do not think like we do, so give it a chance and it will happen! Fingers crossed for you!! Good luck 🙂
Post # 15
@anxiouslywaiting: Hi, this is my first time posting, but felt I could definitely relate to this so I really wanted to respond.
It will happen! My FI never plans anything therefore I didn’t have faith in him to be able to pull off anything. We found a ring together that we liked, it killed me wondering when he was going to pick up the ring, or if he had it, and in that time, his cousin had announced her engagement, and I was super gutted (but super happy for his cousin!) because after we had been out for my birthday (and no proposal there). Turns out that he had something planned all along and planned an awesome proposal that I could never have imagined, like @vintagefair, was the only time he has ever really surprised me.
You guys are building a house so you are looking toward your future together. Maybe he wants to fulfill some things before proposing, for example, waiting until the house reaches a certain point?
I think that since he’s open to talking about it and it seems like he clearly wants to, you don’t have to worry, it’s just a matter of being patient and letting him do something freakin awesome. I’m sure he knows it means a lot to you.
The waiting sucks, I know! I just tried to focus really hard on other stuff!
Post # 16
I know how you feel. I have been with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for almost 5 years (it will be 5 in January) and I feel like everyone we know is getting engaged or married. His “sister” more like a very close family friend got engaged after dating her Boyfriend or Best Friend for less than a year and here I am patiently waiting. I know that it will happen. We have gone and looked at a ton of rings, both know what we want, even picked a setting and now I am just waiting for the proposal. He also has said he wants to make it special and I know he is thinking of ideas to make it super personal and try and fool me since I hate surpises and tend to snoop if I sense one coming.
I have learned to be patient. I know that he is working really hard to make something special for the 2 of us that just be perfect and not a generic engagement. I know how hard the waiting is and the jealous but know that your Boyfriend or Best Friend will make it worth the wait and remember with a relationship and a marriage there is no finish line so there is no race to the finish.