(Closed) How do I deal w FMIL & FFIL?!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

The answer is you can’t.  Your FH has to deal with his family.  Let him be the one to tell them to butt out and stop sharing their opinions.  The next time it happens, he should make it very clear that their criticism isn’t particularly welcome, and they can just keep it to themselves.  If you’re alone with Future Mother-In-Law and she says something, you can always respond with “That comment really hurt me.  We’ve put a lot of effort into planning this together, and we both feel that this wedding represents us well, so when you say [x] it hurts my feelings.”  Let her be the one to either take her foot out of her mouth or swallow it.  Either way, you at least let her know that what she’s saying is hurtful!

Post # 5
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Can you more or less avoid them this side of the wedding?! Scaredy cat me! Or just change the subject if they bring it up. Otherwise, keep your mouth zipped and let him do the shouting.

Post # 6
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My Mother-In-Law used to do this all the time, but always waited until we were alone together to make one of those comments. I would only respond by respectfully saying that it was a decision that we had made together (or in certain cases, D had made by himself), and that we were very happy/comfortable with it. Also, that if she had some serious concerns, to discuss them with D and not only me, so that we could decide together the right course of action.
At one point, D had a talk with her also, because I was really tired of her putting me in a corner. I don’t know what they said, but it stopped.
It’s his family, so have him deal with this delicate situation.

Post # 8
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My Future Mother-In-Law felt the same way intially, but eventually she realized that this is our wedding and I have an exceptionally large family and we both wanted a nice, formal wedding. Now planning is going wonderfully. It may just take time. By The Way, we have the same wedding weekend 🙂

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