(Closed) How do I deal with a friend who assumes they are invited to the reception?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do in this situation? (Read below)
    Invite them : (8 votes)
    22 %
    Explain that they are not invited : (27 votes)
    75 %
    Other (please explain) : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Just explain it to her that you are having a very small intimate wedding with mostly family and although you treasure her as a friend, that the budget is limited and cannot have everyone you would love to share the day with there. 

    Have you thought about having a later pot luck bbq with all the friends that will be unable to share your day?  We have been invited to a few of those and they are a blast.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1166 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Depends – how important is this friendship to you? If it’s important and you really would have liked to invite them, and you have room because others have declined, then go ahead and invite them.

    If they’re not particularly good friends and you’d rather not have them there, then I would send a very apologetic email saying, “I’m so sorry, but we’re having a very small, intimate wedding and we were unable to include all of our friends. I feel terrible about it, but I hope you understand.”

    Post # 5
    Member
    1577 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If you’ve had people that had to back out of coming and there’s a way to add them to the guest list without blowing the budget, I’d probably just invite them.  I’m a weenie though… I really hate hurting people’s feelings, LoL.

    If you really can’t afford to squeeze them in, just let them know.  If they’re real friends, I’m sure they’ll understand.

    Post # 6
    Member
    661 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I know how hard it is to keep a guest list down – and you know what needs to be done; but no one likes doing it.  You should read another bees posts where she invited her cousins and now has to UNinvite them.  🙁 Again, sticky situation.

    Fact is, you just dont have the room.  We had a few people keep trying to add on (or add THEMSELVES on!)  And at one point, we just had to tell them “If I just keep saying yes then I’m not even going to be able to afford this wedding!”  Its not the best answer, but its the truth – and it needs to be understood.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Ugh….that’s rough.  Have you been mentioning wedding related stuff on facebook or any social media where she might be reading details?  I’ve known people who’ve had to stop talking about wedding related details because of people automatically assuming they were invited!  TKS is right with letting your friend know that you’re having a smaller intimate wedding, and that it’s nothing against her!  Good luck!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1126 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    If you haven’t seen her in a year and she’s received no wedding correspondence, I feel like she knows she isn’t invited and is fishing for an invite.  If you want her there, invite her, but based on the fact that you didn’t invite her initially and haven’t seen her in a year, I’m guessing she’s not a close friend.  And you probably won’t awkwardly run into her very often either.  So I would do what previous posters suggested and send her an email explaining that it’s a small wedding.

    Honestly, I know people like weddings, but why do we have to feel so guilty when we don’t invite people that we aren’t that close to?  I don’t feel guilty for not inviting every acquaintance to every dinner party or get-together I have, but weddings just make us crazy and feel like we owe it to everyone we’ve ever met to buy them dinner.  I get it, but I resent it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1032 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    It’s a hard situation that we have all had to deal with

    Just use the “small wedding exuse”

    I had to say this many times “Oh, I’m sorry, we are just having a really small wedding because of budget reasons”

    Don’t invite them. I invited a few people out of obligation and honestly, if I could go back in time, I would have not invited like 20 people because I am not close to them. It felt like a big deal and I wanted everyone there…but why I invited 10 of my mom’s friend’s who I grew up with as a kid…but never talked to before and have not spoken to since?

    The small wedding and budget is really the best excuse 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    2767 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    explain it’s a small wedding with only family and that you couldn’t invite friends.  if she’s your true friend she’ll understand.

    Post # 11
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Explain to her that it is a small wedding that you are planning, and that you have everything ready and can not add more people to the wedding.  If she really is your friend, why didn’t she email you before to keep in touch with you?? 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I know you’re trying to keep it small, but because of the misunderstanding with your fiancee, and the fact that some people responded no, so you have the space, I would just invite them… it’s probably not worth the drama and awkwardness of having to explain that they’re not invited..

    Post # 14
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Wait I’m confused by the title of this post… so this is NOT a case of people being invited to the ceremony and not to the reception? The couple just has not been invited, period?

    Post # 15
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    If you are having a small wedding, and she is not invited, do not feel pressured to invite her. You just kindly write back, “Thanks so much for your email. It’s so sweet that you are so excited for us! We are excited too. We are keeping the wedding small and have only invited family and some long time friends, so, unfortunately, we can’t invite you and <bf>. We definitely should catch up the next time we’re in town.” 

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