(Closed) How do I deal with a PIA FMIL about the rehearsal dinner?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Do we have the same FMIL??  We are (well, were) dealing with this exact same issue!  I don’t have any advice for you unfortunately.  We are ending up doing our own dinner (a cookout) and she’s having dinner elsewhere with her friends and family.  

Post # 4
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Put your foot down.  This is your wedding and you make the decisions regardless who is paying!  And in reality to invite more than 50% of your guests to Rehearsal Dinner kinda eliminates the need for a wedding don’t you think?  Keep it small and intimate.  Future Mother-In-Law might not thank you but the people that truly count to you and are putting time/money into your day will appreciate it.  GL

Post # 6
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I also think we may have the same FMIL! We were faced with the same situation, all of our guests are traveling for our wedding and there is no way I want to pay for a super fancy massive rehearsal dinner and then have the wedding the next day.

I say first put your foot down and tell her that the two of you have decided that you want a picnic style rehearsal dinner because you want time with your closest friends and family since you won’t get this time during the wedding. Have your fiance talk to her about it since it is his mom. 

Or you can do what I did (which does cause some drama.) My Future Mother-In-Law refused to let us have a small intimate rehearsal dinner and wanted us to foot the bill for a large one and invite all out of town guests which would be 90, my fiance and I decided “it wasn’t in the budget” and “is not necessary” and so we decided to cancel the rehearsal dinner altogether. We are each hosting dinner in our hotel suites with our bridal party.

Post # 6
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I also think we may have the same FMIL! We were faced with the same situation, all of our guests are traveling for our wedding and there is no way I want to pay for a super fancy massive rehearsal dinner and then have the wedding the next day.

I say first put your foot down and tell her that the two of you have decided that you want a picnic style rehearsal dinner because you want time with your closest friends and family since you won’t get this time during the wedding. Have your fiance talk to her about it since it is his mom. 

Or you can do what I did (which does cause some drama.) My Future Mother-In-Law refused to let us have a small intimate rehearsal dinner and wanted us to foot the bill for a large one and invite all out of town guests which would be 90, my fiance and I decided “it wasn’t in the budget” and “is not necessary” and so we decided to cancel the rehearsal dinner altogether. We are each hosting dinner in our hotel suites with our bridal party.

Post # 8
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

My Mother-In-Law tried to pull the same thing. I just smiled and said we were keeping it to immediate family, the bridal party, and a couple of special situations (like 2 friends who had travelled (separately) from overseas and didn’t know anyone except us). Ours was held at the venue, so people who were already there were more than welcome to come past and say hello, and they did which was lovely. But we only invited (and catered for) certain people. Otherwise it would have just been a second wedding reception.

Apart from that, my only advice is not to discuss such plans with anyone 🙂 Don’t show your Mother-In-Law the invite list or anything else if she is going to behave like a child. It’s your event! Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

IDK what happened, but Future Mother-In-Law has finally said ok to whatever we want to do.  Maybe she took some meds or something.  Who knows.  I hope your Future Mother-In-Law comes around!!

Post # 10
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow I agree too, do we have the same FMIL? My FIL’s are paying for the Rehearsal Dinner so I can’t say anything but she wants to invite all of her family and friends. I’m worried what she would say if I told her who I wanted to invite. It’s crazy but because they are paying I can’t really say who and who not they can invite. Good luck! Hope your Future Mother-In-Law comes around!

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