Post # 1
My husband’s aunt is flying all the way across the country to come to our wedding. She’s also bringing her two kids with her. I think they are between the ages of 8-13. I’ve never met this woman or her kids. My husband hasn’t seen her or the kids in like 10 years.
My husband told me that she’s very strapped for cash (she’s a single mom) and that it’s really awesome of her to come all the way out here for our wedding, because it’s not something she can really afford. She already bought the plane tickets for her and her two kids.
First reason I’m a bit irked: They are staying at our house. They can’t afford a hotel so my husband offered up our house…and they took it. They are coming a few days before the wedding, and staying for like 8 days even after the wedding. At. Our. House. My husband deploys to Afghanistan less than a month after our wedding. I’m a full time student too, so I’m in class for part of the week days. So every minute I’m home, I want to spend with him before he leaves. Just the two of us. But now we have her and her two kids at our house for a week after the wedding. I’m so upset. I just want to spend time with him before he deploys, and also…it’s kind of umm..our wedding night..LOL. We’re already married so it’s not like it’s a big deal but still, I would think it’s kind of rude to do that. So now my husband and I might have to just get a hotel which is stupid we have to spend money on that when we have a house. (We already live in Hawaii…so we don’t even need a honeymoon, plus I don’t have time since I’m a full time student) It’s just inconvenient.
Second reason I’m irked: My parents aren’t made of money, and are really trying hard to afford us a wedding, my grandma is helping them with it too. So my mom stresses to me that everybody on the guest list needs to be someone I REALLY want there. Because it’s going to be a lot more per head than she planned to spend. So there aren’t going to be young kids at our wedding. I’m young, so I have 18/19 year old friends. But my husband being in the military is inviting some of his higher ups and buddies with kids. All of which we wouldn’t even have to tell them that they should get a baby sitter. They wouldn’t show up with their small children. So his aunt’s two kids I don’t even know…and he hasn’t even seen them in like 10 years. So I’m kind of annoyed that they are taking up two spots in my limited guest list. And that my parents who are trying so hard to give me a wedding have to pay a bunch of money for these children to eat.
Ugh. I’m not trying to sound like a Beeotch, because I’m not at all. I’m generally very laid back and such a nice person. I’m just having a hard time dealing with the fact that they are staying at my house so close to my husband deploying when I just want to be with him 🙁 And because every dollar in this wedding straps my rents even more. I can’t really gripe to my husband because he just tells me he’s sorry but they can’t afford a hotel and he didn’t think she’d bring the kids or take him up on the offer to stay at the house.
I might just be emotional thinking about my husband going to Afghanistan again…but would this irk anyone else?!
Post # 3
It sounds like this is more of an issue with your FH than with his aunt. If he was the one that wanted to invite her, and invited her to stay at your house, then maybe you two need to discuss better communication or him asking you before he invites people to stay with you guys?
Post # 4
Uhm ya, I’d be pretty annoyed too! I don’t really have many suggestions though. Is there someone else you could ask for a bedroom for the aunt and her kids? I can’t believe she’s staying at your house! I could never say yes to staying with the bride & groom!
Post # 5
Well, I’m not sure what your food plan is for your reception…but if you’re doing a plated dinner, call your venue to find out if there’s a lower-priced option for children. I love my 4 and 7 year olds, but I knew they wouldn’t enjoy a fancy plate of food at our wedding reception, and there’s $65 times 2 down the drain! So our venue has chicken fingers and fries for $15 each (that’s still a lot for chicken fingers and fries, but it’s better than $65 each). Same for the bar…all of our guests under 21 (there will be 6-7 somewhere between 5-10 underage guests) will be charged soda bar pricing, rather than full bar pricing.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling frustrated and I can empathize, but if I were you, I’d just let it roll off my back. Having company that you’re not really close to can be a drag…my ex’s family would come and stay for 3-4 weeks at a time, but chances are, his aunt and kids will probably not trouble you again.
Post # 5
Ouch, it kind of sounds like they want a vacation in Hawaii partly on your dime. Why the heck else would you need to stay for 8 days?! Agree with @bakerella; can you foist them off on anyone else?
ETA: and I sincerely thank both you and your FH for the sacrifices you are making for our country. 🙂
Post # 6
Eeek I would be more than miffed my ownself. Even though your husband offered them to stay there I think its a bit inconsiderate for the aunt and kids to stay welllll past the wedding anyway. Especially one that you haven’t seen in so long. Is there not other family in the area that can take them in?
Post # 7
Well, it’s great that the aunt wants to give her kids a vacation in Hawaii, if you are having a child free wedding, then stick to your guns and tell her she has to find a sitter for the night. We had friends who chose to bring their kids to the town where we wed and we did everything we could to help them find affordable, reliable care for their little ones so we could have a grown up wedding.
But that’s not the biggest issue here, it’s them in your house that would drive me bonkers! I guess the only upside is that since you live in such an amazing place, odds are they won’t be just hanging around your house. But like other posters said, is there anyone who you can ask to put them up for a few days? I mean, atleast for the wedding night for goodness sake!!
Post # 8
Oh boy, I had to take a few seconds to cool off before responding. Here it goes…
In my humble opinion, I feel like you’re being selfish. I understand that every woman wants time alone with her new husband, especially if he’s leaving for Afghanistan soon, but have you thought about your fiance’s feelings? Just because he hasn’t seen his aunt and cousins in ten years, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have a relationship with them. Perhaps he wants to see them before he leaves, which is absolutely understandable, and perhaps they would also like to see him before he leaves and the only means of doing so was taking up his offer.
And so what if you’ve never met his aunt and cousins before? You already know they don’t travel because of financial reasons and not because of anything personal towards you. Why wouldn’t you want to meet/get to know more of the family you’re marrying into?
I do believe your husband should have discussed this with you before setting plans. Let him know how you feel without getting too dramatic, and also explain to your parents what the situation is, but be supportive of his family being there. Then, have your husband let his aunt know that the two of you will be taking some time away for just the two of you. What’s done is done, so try to see the good in all of this. You might even like them:)