(Closed) how do I deal with paying for kids I don’t even know at my no kid wedding?!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
299 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like this is more of an issue with your FH than with his aunt.  If he was the one that wanted to invite her, and invited her to stay at your house, then maybe you two need to discuss better communication or him asking you before he invites people to stay with you guys?

Post # 4
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Uhm ya, I’d be pretty annoyed too! I don’t really have many suggestions though. Is there someone else you could ask for a bedroom for the aunt and her kids? I can’t believe she’s staying at your house! I could never say yes to staying with the bride & groom!


Post # 5
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well, I’m not sure what your food plan is for your reception…but if you’re doing a plated dinner, call your venue to find out if there’s a lower-priced option for children. I love my 4 and 7 year olds, but I knew they wouldn’t enjoy a fancy plate of food at our wedding reception, and there’s $65 times 2 down the drain! So our venue has chicken fingers and fries for $15 each (that’s still a lot for chicken fingers and fries, but it’s better than $65 each). Same for the bar…all of our guests under 21 (there will be 6-7 somewhere between 5-10 underage guests) will be charged soda bar pricing, rather than full bar pricing.

I’m sorry that you’re feeling frustrated and I can empathize, but if I were you, I’d just let it roll off my back. Having company that you’re not really close to can be a drag…my ex’s family would come and stay for 3-4 weeks at a time, but chances are, his aunt and kids will probably not trouble you again.

Post # 5
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Ouch, it kind of sounds like they want a vacation in Hawaii partly on your dime. Why the heck else would you need to stay for 8 days?! Agree with @bakerella; can you foist them off on anyone else?

ETA: and I sincerely thank both you and your FH for the sacrifices you are making for our country. 🙂

Post # 6
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Eeek I would be more than miffed my ownself. Even though your husband offered them to stay there I think its a bit inconsiderate for the aunt and kids to stay welllll past the wedding anyway. Especially one that you haven’t seen in so long. Is there not other family in the area that can take them in?

Post # 7
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well, it’s great that the aunt wants to give her kids a vacation in Hawaii, if you are having a child free wedding, then stick to your guns and tell her she has to find a sitter for the night.  We had friends who chose to bring their kids to the town where we wed and we did everything we could to help them find affordable, reliable care for their little ones so we could have a grown up wedding.

But that’s not the biggest issue here, it’s them in your house that would drive me bonkers!  I guess the only upside is that since you live in such an amazing place, odds are they won’t be just hanging around your house. But like other posters said, is there anyone who you can ask to put them up for a few days?  I mean, atleast for the wedding night for goodness sake!! 

Post # 8
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh boy, I had to take a few seconds to cool off before responding.  Here it goes…

In my humble opinion, I feel like you’re being selfish.  I understand that every woman wants time alone with her new husband, especially if he’s leaving for Afghanistan soon, but have you thought about your fiance’s feelings?  Just because he hasn’t seen his aunt and cousins in ten years, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have a relationship with them.  Perhaps he wants to see them before he leaves, which is absolutely understandable, and perhaps they would also like to see him before he leaves and the only means of doing so was taking up his offer. 

And so what if you’ve never met his aunt and cousins before?  You already know they don’t travel because of financial reasons and not because of anything personal towards you.  Why wouldn’t you want to meet/get to know more of the family you’re marrying into? 

I do believe your husband should have discussed this with you before setting plans.  Let him know how you feel without getting too dramatic, and also explain to your parents what the situation is, but be supportive of his family being there.  Then, have your husband let his aunt know that the two of you will be taking some time away for just the two of you.  What’s done is done, so try to see the good in all of this.  You might even like them:) 

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