(Closed) How do I deal with the FI’s ex and her family?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Frankly this is a situation where you just have to toughen up. Why would you care what this woman thinks, says or does?  A person like her is so immature that she cannot move on. She would rather her ex be lonely and alone than be happy with someone else. A mature person would get to a point where they were happy for their child’s father to be happy- as that would also be the best for the child they share.

Hold your head up, be as nice as you can be. I might even be tempted, not only to give the child a gift for the baptism, but also take a bouquet of flowers for the Ex. You will come across as a gracious and loving step-parent to be  and she will look like a petty b—ch.

Post # 4
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

if i were in your situation

1 i would dress smartly (not implying you dont but with her saying you dont) to show her family how presentable i am.

2 try to be on best behaviour – i know its hard with all the remarks and obvious dislike from her but by acting like an angel, what can be done/said to pull you down?

3 remeber why your there – for your step-daughter.

it isnt this little girls fault the way her mother acts and makes you feel; and also, she is going to need someone to show her how to act like a lady, which from the sounds of it, her mother doesnt quite know herself how to do this.

step children and exes always seem to maje things a little harder, but just remember why your doing it, for your step-daughter and the relationship you have with her, for you future husband, and also for yourself. good luck witht he day, and i hope she doesnt get under your skin too much.

 

Post # 5
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@julies1949:  I second this. I would also focus on my relationship with the soon-to-be-stepchild. Ultimately that’s more important. 

Post # 6
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Definitely have to agree with PPs here. Killing her and the family with kindness will really just look better for you. This all is really about your step-daughter, not necessarily the family. Kudos to you for being there for your step-daughter when it really counts 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Carrying yourself with grace and being friendly is really your only option.  People that matter will see that this woman’s a hateful nut, and will warm to you.  People that don’t matter will take her word for it, but those are people not worth worrying over.

Post # 8
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Agrre with what the other bees said. Hope it goes okay. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Good for you. It always pays to take the high road.

Post # 11
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Glad it went ok for you, and pleased you got to spend some time with your step-daughter on her special day.

Post # 12
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Glad to hear it went well. I can understand your situation – my partner’s ex crazy-hates the both of us (cos she’s just plain crazy) & continually bad mouths us to everyone – incl the kids. Luckily they’re teen/adults, they were teens when the divorced happened so they’re old enough to know the reality of what went down & what their mum is like. We make a point to not bag her out to them because it would just makes us look bad, because at the end of the day she is still their mum.

They’ve since told us how they love that we don’t stoop to mum’s level, and I know that my step-daughter has had fights & bouts of not talking to her mother over the issue of her mother constantly criticising us. In the end people like that only hurt themselves because they push the kids etc away.

Post # 13
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

You are not the only one who has to deal with stupid people.  My SOs parents bad mouth me all the time. I still go to family functions with my head high and a giant smile on my face. I act oblivious to their opinions of me! I laugh, chat and have fun even though they suck. I complain later. I refuse to let them think they have me miserable when I am around.

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