(Closed) How do I deal with this bridesmaid?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
9913 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did you ever ask her what her budget for a dress was?

Post # 3
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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ashes88:  I would just tell her again you are unavailable to shop and she needs to pick a dress by a certain date. If she doesnt have a dress, she doesnt get to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man – simple as that. 

Post # 5
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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ashes88:  just buy her the damn dress online yourself.  

Post # 6
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee

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ashes88:  Sorry you’re dealing with this 🙁  I agree with PP. Don’t let her guilt trip you.  She’s had plenty of time to get this done and hasn’t…that’s her issue.  So she started out planning on buying a $200 dress and now it’s $50?  I’d let her know, politely but firmly, that if she doesn’t have an appropriate dress then she is welcome as a guest, but you’ve done all you can do.

Post # 7
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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ashes88:  I definitely think you need to have a serious talk with her and give her some guidelines. You’re trying to be accommodating, but it sounds like you’re being too nice. If you do decide to ask her to step down you may cause some irreparable damage to your relationship with her. Either way, do whara best for you. Wedding planning is stressful enough. 

Post # 8
Member
13623 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You told her she could buy any dress, so I’d just leave it at that. She didn’t get to change the plans. This is her problem now. 

Post # 9
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee

If you want something specific, tell her. Otherwise just choose a dress yourself. Why tell her she can choose whatever then when she picks something, tell her no? 

Post # 10
Member
30392 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She may be reluctant to go shopping on her own, because you have vetoed two of her selections already.

You either have to actually let her buy a dress of her choosing, or find a way to give her feedback if she needs it. She could text you a pic of her in the dress when she goes shopping again.

If you want help scouting out some styles for her, tell us what you are looking for- style? length? color?fabric?

Post # 11
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee

This is just my opinion, I know other Bees do things differently. Either you let her buy whatever she wants, regardless of your opinion of the selected dress. Or you buy a dress that you want her to wear. At this point, I would just order some dresses just to be sure you have them, making sure that there’s a refund policy. When she gets back, if she doesn’t like it, she can go on her own and choose something, and you can get refunded if she does. If not, she’ll just have to suck it up and wear the dress, but at least she won’t have paid for it.

Post # 12
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

It’s very confusing because you told her the dress only had to flow with your wedding, then you said no to her dresses.

She recently lost a lot of weight, and is going on a vacation. My thinking is that her weight is going to change some, probably why she wants to wait and try the dress on in person.

You should order the dress as backups. she can wear it or something that she wants (that’s what you originally wanted). If you lose $40, well, it’s not the end of the world. You can always sell it. 

Post # 13
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I’d remind her of the date, time, and location of the wedding; tell her to pick a dress within the few guidelines you gave her if she wants to be in the wedding, or any other outfit if she just wants to be a guest.  Then wash your hands of the whole thing.

Post # 14
Member
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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ashes88:  I think you created a monster when you told her she could pick her dress and then vetoed all of her choices after she lost weight and (probably) finally felt great for the first time in awhile. 

Post # 15
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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ashes88:  Sorry you’re going throught this! I agree with PPs that it would have been better to let her to get what she liked, even if you didn’t like it. It probably would have ended there. Saying “get what you want as long as it flows with the wedding” is understandable (and vague), but telling her you didn’t want a dress because you simply didn’t like it encourages more problems. If you were having a formal wedding and she wanted to wear a sun dress, then I understand why you’d turn her down. I also think it’s bad that she’s making bigger decisions, such as having everyone match, if that’s not what you want. 

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