(Closed) How do I deal with this?

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
Post # 18
Member
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

You wrote: “I told him that if we ever have a baby together then he will definitely have the basement.” YOU offered up this information. You didn’t have to say it. You need to be in control of conversations with the kids. If they stray into arreas that are none of their business, it is up to you as the adult to either cut off the conversation or re-direct it in a more appropriate direction.

Look, we have a 15 year old. I know the challenges. We are very careful to not have potentially sensitive conversations with anyone when our kid is around. It’s simply none of his business, and our decisions as adults are not up for family discussion. At this point you need to just shut it down as a topic of conversation. If/when you get pregnant and are ready to tell the kids, you will have to deal with it as a reality. But until then it’s an issue that doesn’t even exist, so there’s no sense in stressing over a maybe.

Post # 20
Member
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Lulume:  I cried when my Mom told me she was having another baby. I was also 13.

He’s dealing with his Dad re-marrying, and having a new step-Mom, on top of starting high school and puberty! That is a LOT! To hom, a baby is just one more big change, and he can’t handle it!

The best response it to tell him how much you love him, hang out with him when you can, and let him know you and his father will love him forever, no matter what, even if you do have another baby. And that his life will change, but he’ll be so busy with all his new highschool friends that he’ll barely notice, and then he’ll go to college and he’ll miss the baby to much, REALLY.

My mom said “When you have a baby, your heart just gets bigger. You don’t love your other kids less, you just grow more room in your heart!”

Post # 21
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My parents had a surprise baby when I was 10 and my brother was 8. A new baby is a big change for a kid and during my mom’s pregnancy, both my brother and I had some issues accepting it. Remember that kids aren’t adults. They don’t think the way you do and they often don’t know how to express complex feelings. As the parent, it’s your job to listen to his words and try to understand what he really means and how you can make him feel better. It’s not at unusual for kids to feel uncomfortable with the idea of a new baby, especially when they’re already going through the major change of their dad getting married. I don’t have any specific recommendations, but find a good parenting book about how to help kids adjust to a new sibling. This is a common issue and I’m sure you can find good advice in the parenting section at amazon.

Post # 22
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@kittyface:  You’re stressing out too much.

Most kids fear sibilings.  You need to speak to a professional about this.  Give him a job if you do, indeed, get pregnant.

This is not a end-all situation.  My friend has 5.  Her eldest cried on and off for TWO MONTHS (she was 11) about the baby and how horrible baby #5 was going to be.  How she was going to go live in the garden shed if it was a boy.  How she would have to clean diapers, etc, etc (her parents had and will never ask her to do so)

That baby is now 2.  Of his 4 older sibilings no one dotes on him more than the now 13yo.  

Kids are funny.  give him time.

Reinforce your caring about him.  He may be afraid that a new baby will mean you don’t care about him anymore, especally if the baby is a boy.

Post # 23
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@searock:  I think you accidentally replied to me and not the OP…

Post # 24
Member
2540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think that if he stresses you out, you just don’t need to talk to him about it anymore. If he brings it up on his own, tell him you all will figure everything out when you get to it.

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