Post # 1
I have a problem with a new found friendship that I created with someone in my work place. She’s a very nice girl, except she doesn’t know how to mind her own business. She likes to put her two cents into my relationship and what she thinks is going on and what she thinks is right, and frankly I’ve had enough. I’ve told her in a nice way to back off, she seemed like she understood but apparently not, because she did it again the other day and I almost screamed at her in public.
Long story short, she started in our firm about 6 months ago and I’ve only gotten to know her probably 4 months back, but I don’t know much about her, except she’s been engaged a handful of times but all of her SO’s have left her high and dry. My SO and I have been together for 9 years (No we are not married, we choose not to be) and she thinks it’s because he has committment issues, which isn’t the case. It’s me who doesn’t want to be married, etc. But we do want to have kids and are trying to. ANYWAYS, she’s always telling me that he isn’t fully committed to me and that he isn’t adult enough to have children. She’s met him one time and that was for a half hour. I’ve only hung out with her once outside of work
She always wants to have lunch together, literally everyday and I normally would not mind, except she is always bashing my relationship, but she has no clue as to who I am, or who my SO is. I’ve told her nicely a few times to back off, but she goes right back to it. She’s VERY CLINGY, I’ve cancelled having lunch with her a few times and she’ll text me incessently or email me with sad faces saying she misses having lunch together….
Now, I’m a social person at work, I get along with everyone, but I enjoy my downtime thoroughly, I enjoy being alone, and etc. Just today I emailed her and told her I have errands to run and I won’t be having lunch with her and she got sad and sent me a sad face. She’s 29 and I’m 25 (if that matters)…. How do I distance myself? It seems nearly impossible because we work together…
Post # 3
I would first let her know that you don’t appreciate her bashing your SO, and that it makes you uncomfortable. However, I have no tolerance for “friends” that act like bitches, lol. Anyway, if that doesn’t help the situation, then start talking to her less, declining lunches… maybe start going to lunch with SO instead, say that you two want to have mid-day dates, if possible?
Post # 4
If all she can respond with is a sad face, then she has a little growing up to do…
I’d probably suck it up and do one more lunch. If she brings your relationship up, tell her that you don’t like mixing your personal life with work and that topic is off limits. If she gets out of hand, tell her honestly that she’s making you hurt and uncomfortable judging your boyfriend that way and you’re not interested in a stressful lunch.
Post # 5
Thanks for your responses! I have told her probably about 3 times to stop talking about my relationship, and she is always the first one to bring it up. She’s gone as far as telling me she’ll be sad when I have children with SO and I didn’t even know how to respond. She sort of pegs me as the type of person who is unhappy being single so she wants all her “friends” to be miserable. The thing is, she seems TOTALLY NORMAL, she seems non-bitchy, but when it comes to my relationship she just judges non stop. My SO and I agree she needs to grow up a little, she still lives at home with her parents (but it’s not my place to judge because sometimes that happens in life)I would tell her that SO and I are having lunch together, but I feel like if I lied about it (because SO works kind of far) that she’d follow me and double check, LOL.
Post # 6
Every time she asks to go out just say no. Eventually she’ll get the hint.
or just tell her lunch with her isn’t relaxing so she should stop asking.
Post # 7
@tiedtogetherwithasmile: Stop talking about your relationship around her. If she asks personal questions about your relationship, give vague answers, and redirect the conversation toward something in her life. People LOVE to talk about themselves. Eventually, she should stop talking badly about your guy and the way you choose to live.
Or, just keep saying no to lunch, like others have suggested. 🙂
Post # 8
@tiedtogetherwithasmile: Hopefully after you decline many of your lunch dates together she will get the clue that you dont want to hang out with her. If shedoes ask why you are not wanting to hangout with her I would just be honest and let her know that you dont appreciate her analyzing you relationship. Who knows she might be one of those people that never get a clue so you might have to evetually spell it out for her lol
Post # 9
I think what you’re doing now is perfect: running errands, etc instead of having lunch with her. Completely ignore the saddy faces and notes about how she misses your lunch dates. No need to respond to those at all. If she says something about it in person, a non-comittal “I know” should suffice.
If you stay aloof and professional, she should get the hint. I wouldn’t confront her directly since you work together. Too much potential for YOU to end up looking like the drama queen when she is obviously the one who needs to grow up and keep her nose out of other people’s business.
Good for you for ending this quickly though, instead of letting it drag on and drag you down. Life is too short and too precious. You gave her a chance, it didn’t work, so move along. 🙂