(Closed) How do i do it?? (long sorry)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee

I sat my SO down and explained that I understood that getting married was a big and scary thing, and that getting engaged was also big and scary, and that I could and would be patient for him, and that he could take the time he needed – I am not going anywhere.  And I then explained that it’s also big and scary – and hard, and in a way painful – to already know that I want to marry him, but to still be in a place where he was trying to make that decision himself.  I said that I had gone through the same thing when I was deciding I wanted to spend my life with him, so I understood that it was difficult,  and I was not asking him to hurry or make up his mind right away or anything like that, I was simply asking that he extend the same patience to me that I was extending to him.  And if that meant I was sometimes a bit quiet or sad, or sometimes a bit more mushy-romantic than usual, so be it.  Or maybe that meant I could look at wedding-related things, or watch wedding-related shows or movies without having to feel like I was sneaking around, to make waiting easier.

He said, “So…you want to act like a girl?  Okay.”

It’s notable I suppose that these are all things he apparently assumed that I, as a female, would be inclined to do.  But I suppose in this instance I can’t really muster up my usual indignation at the sexism.  (He’s a good man, but he’s also a product of the culture that we live in, and as such, I don’t think I’ll ever expect him to be fully without a bit of sexist in him – goodness knows I can’t truly say to be completely free of it myself!  Cultural bias is something we should always fight against, but also always be aware of as a real and present part of ourselves.  Until we acknowledge something, recognize it, we cannot be effective in changing it.)

Anyway, being able to ogle and plan, guilt-free, has really eased the wait for me.  I’m still waiting, but I do not feel any urge to bring it up in conversation on a regular basis.  Before, I wasn’t bringing it up, but only because I was continually repressing that urge. 

Post # 4
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee

Haha you sound exactly like me! I just can’t keep my big mouth shut when it comes to getting engaged and weddings and such! I’m not entirely sure what you can do, sorry. With my SO I tried to make it as clear as possible that the reason I can’t stop talking about it all is because I’m excited about this next stage in our life. And while it’ll be fun to plan a wedding, I’m just really excited and happy at the thought of being married to him. I also let him know that I completely understand that getting engaged is something that will happen on his time frame – whenever that may be. This is probably so not helpful and for that I apologise. It’s a hard place to be in.. 

Oh and welcome to the hive! I’m pretty new too but everyone seems so lovely here 🙂

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