Post # 1
I’m just now starting to think about the bridal party gifts. Here’s the thing. One of the presents I want to get for my BMs I don’t want to get for the others. My bridal party consist of my BFs and SILs. I love my SILs b/c they are now family and I pretty much don’t have a choice.. LOL But my BFs are like my sisters. They have supported me emotionally during this wedding process and I wanted to show my appreciation with something they have mentioned wanting to get. Lucky for me they want the same thing. The thing is I have decided to get this item for them but I don’t want to hand it to them in front of the others (reception dinner.) Normally SILs shouldn’t get mad because of the value of their gifts compared to the ones I want to give to the other girsl whom I’ve known for 15yrs. But my SILs are the type that wants "equal" gifts.
My BFs have put in a lot of time, effort, and money into planning the perfect shower and b-party
My SILs doesn’t even reply to the emails my Maid/Matron of Honor emails them with asking for ideas for my shower and b-party. She really tried including them numerous times.
At my shower it shows how uninterested one of my SILs was because I didn’t even notice she was there! One of my guest asked me who was the pissed off person that stormed into the house barely saying hello and kind of shove people out of the way to get to the backyard. Embarassing as it was I told them that was one of my SILs. She didn’t even particapate in the goofy games we had but I did not let that get me down.
What I want to ask you guys is did you guys get a different gift for each BMs?
did you have an annoying Bridesmaid or Best Man that you had to show"appreciation" for even if you didn’t
What should I do about my gift giving time?
Post # 3
Maybe you should get something else (less expensive if you like) for all of them and hand that gift out during the rehersal dinner. And then some other time when you’re just with your good friends you can give them the other gift as a special thank you for their love and support and all the extra work they put in.
I wouldn’t give out gifts of different values — a lump of coal versus a bag of candy kind of different — all at the same time. It’s okay if the gifts are different since not all your bridesmaids may like the same things. But to give gifts of obviously different worth could appear meanspirited to your sister in laws (and to anyone else watching). These are women you’ll have to be able to get along with for a long time — that’s probably why you asked them to be in the bridal party in the first place. Do what I do — keep your chin up and your mouth closed. Even. Though. It’s. So. Hard.
Post # 4
I agree with parts of what bluegreenjean said, but I would still get the gifts you want to give your BF’s but give it to them privately. They will appreciate that you noticed all the time and effort you placed into your shower/b-party and I’m sure they will understand that you don’t want to "rock the boat".
Post # 5
I got everyone 2 gifts that were the same as everyone else and 1 different gift that I knew they would like (1 got an apron, 1 got satin PJs, 1 got a necklace, etc.), but the different gifts were all around the same price range. I definitely think you should give your BFs different gifts (it’s much more thoughtful, and I think they’ll really appreciate it) and don’t give it to them in public, but will your SIL think it’s weird that she got a gift at the rehearsal dinner and your BFs didn’t? Maybe skip the gifts at the rehearsal dinner and give each person their gifts in private.
PS — Why are SILs such awful BMs?!
Post # 6
What if you got tall of the a card and a gift card for $20 or something to aplace they like to shop – then you give tham all something at the dinner and gift the other maids you want to give a bigger gift to later in the evening. Or even the day before.
I think that you want to do is fine. I too have had this thought and I support your decision to do it 100%
Post # 7
Thanks guys! I think I will try to find an "equal" gift or something of the sort. I don’t know what I was thinking. The gift I want to give to my BMs are obviously a lot more than I would ever spend on SILs. Side note *I only wanted one of the SILs in our wedding. But Fiance made it clear that either both are standing with me or neither. I tried to be untradtional and have my 3 girl BFs, my bro, and my 2 guy BFs and slowly push his sisters to his side. LOL He wasn’t buying it. I get a long well with both SILs. Why I don’t wanna inclue her you ask? Well I’ve come to find out she’s a selfish B****. If you’re not bending over backwards for her why better being there for her. There’s a lot more issues that went on that I lost respect for her. There’s just not enough room. One includes an abandoned child. Two, stealing from her own family, and the list goes on. I vow never to get close to her, even though I’m marrying into her family, because you end up getting screwed. She never makes it to any of the family functions so no worries about awkwardness. wOW… i just went on to a whole new level. Anyways, I think a part of me wants to secretly show her I could care less if she’s there or not.
Post # 8
Thanks Sweeney! I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in wedding about a week ago. The engagement was 9mths and I was very pleasant to the bride the whole journey. How hard is it??? Maybe because I’m a bride myself and totally understand.