How do I explain to people that my brother is not coming to my wedding?

posted 7 months ago in Family
Post # 2
7067 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You don’t know anyone an explanation and anyone with basic manners would never ask. If someone is rude enough to ask simple say ” He just couldn’t come” and change the subject.

Post # 3
8170 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

do you really think people will ask?  can’t you just say he isn’t able to attend, regardless of the reason.

i didn’t invite a single person from my dad’s side of the family, or my mom’s brother and his family to my wedding.  not one person asked me where any of these people were.

Post # 4
1527 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t invite my sister, not a single person asked. 

She did claim later that there was a ‘rumor’ going around that I invited her and she just no-showed, but seeing as I hadn’t talked to her in years, I don’t honk anyone would buy that/ she made it up. 

You don’t need to say anything! If someone decides to ask ‘oh our schedules didn’t work’ or ‘he wasn’t able to make it’

Post # 5
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I can’t imagine anyone being so lacking in tact as to ask why he wasn’t there. Then again, such people certainly exist.

*’did you really just ask that’ look* “It’s a private matter.” *look away* “ANYWAYS” *subject change*

Post # 6
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

My BIL did not go to my SILs wedding and it was anybodys guess whether he would come to ours. But he’s chronically a no show at family events and most of our friends barely know he exists so we never felt we’d to explain it (or the fact that he wasn’t the best man) to anyone. He actually wound up coming which was honestly probably more of a conversation starter than if he hadn’t. 

All that said, your situation may be totally different but I don’t think you owe an explanation to anyone and if anyone bothers you about it just say he’s not coming and you’re not close. I would think that would shut it down although you never know. 

Post # 7
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Oh and maybe let your FI tackle his parents? He can just tell them you’re not close to your brother and that he’s not coming and hopefully that will be the end of it. They might push – if you don’t want them to know the whole story you may just need to tell them that. 

Post # 8
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

If someone actually asks, a simple “he couldn’t come” or “long story haha” will do. 

My only brother won’t be coming to mine either. He assaulted me at the beginning of last year, caused a LOT of problems, and his outburst kept me from completing my degree. We’ve never been super close, or close at all actually, but it breaks my fucking heart that he won’t be there. 

All that to say, people can mind their own business, and if you want to talk to someone you don’t know feel free to private message me. Hugs, bee. Xx

Post # 9
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

missneesy :  “He couldn’t make it”, smile and change the subject. 

Post # 10
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Fiance should definitely have a private chat to his parents before the rehearsal dinner. (None of the details – just that he’s not invited for personal reasons). For anyone else, I like  abwcmo :  ‘s answer – “That’s a private matter”.

Post # 11
1422 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

missneesy :  “Sam couldn’t make it. Hey, have you seen the flower arrangements? Cool, huh?”.

Repeat ad nauseum.

Post # 13
307 posts
Helper bee

I agree with other posters just say: “He couldn’t make it.” And change the subject or walk away from them.  No one is going to push you beyond that on your wedding day!  If they do… they are massively rude and you can just give them the sideways eye and walk away if you weren’t walking away before.

I will say… my brother in law (DH’s brother) couldn’t make it to the wedding and NO ONE ask or brought it up! 

I was prepared to answer it too!  It was something we were planning to explain if anyone asked but no one asked.  Ha!

Post # 14
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Don’t tell anyone anything. None of their business.

Post # 15
21 posts
  • Wedding: June 2017

missneesy :  I’m gonna possibly be in the same boat as you. It’s none of their business. Just tell them that he just couldn’t make it, and that you are not interested in talking about it.

Leave a comment

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors