(Closed) How do I get FMIL to back off?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Be selective about what you respond to.  Just because someone emails or texts, doesn’t meant you have to reply right away.  Also, if it’s long laundry lists, I’d purposely omit responding about little stuff and probably just respond with big picture type things.

If you have caller ID, let her calls go to vm.

Post # 4
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Not good enough from your Fiance, IMO. He really should have a talk with her to say that you’re organized and right on schedule and if she could just ease up a bit on the constant requests for updates it would be nice.

The only exception would be if your FI’s parents are contributing to the wedding financially, because then she has a right to know how things are going. But I would still have your Fiance chat with her about saving up groups of questions and asking them in lump sums so she’s not ALWAYS trying to get in touch with you about little details.

Post # 5
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I had similar issues with my Future Mother-In-Law, and even wanted to cancel the wedding because of her (and sometimes I still do). She wanted to be 100% involved in planning the wedding, and I wanted some elements to be a surprise (like picking my dress). Part of our issue is she felt we were planning everything without her (we were still looking for vendors at this time, which is our decision, not anyones family). She would constantly call, text, email, etc, just trying to be involved. Itdrove me insane.

My Fiance tried to talk to her but she snapped at him about things as well. I ended up having to call her and basically explain everything to her, and tell her (nicely) to back off. I did this myself, without forwarning my Fiance, as I was so fed up with her constant texts, which half the time were rude and uncalled for (I’ve been told many times I’m “stealing her son” and many other things). I did tell her that she was stressing me out, causing more problems, and that her constant putting things out there is too much for me. The conversation was a lot of bickering, but in the end, things worked out.

After our talk, she backed off. My family is paying for the wedding, and they are paying for the rehearsal (which she wants to plan herself, and I’m not to be involved at all – still ticked about that). I explained to her in our family, the bride and her Mom plan the wedding, and we will involve her when the time comes. She wasn’t happy about this, but finally got the hint.

Now that I’m onto the “decorative” part of planning, I’ve been sending her weekly emails with just little recaps, things I’m considering, and I’ve sent her on a goose chase for the centerpiece glassware I want and can’t find. I ignore most calls and texts from her, and tell Fiance to call her back and deal with her. I deal with her on my schedule, which is the same thing I do for my own parents.

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