(Closed) how do I get him to do more daring things? (TMI)

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

 I too love a little agression, spanking, biting, etc. in the bedroom, and frequently had partners who would induldge me before I met my Fiance. FI will do the things i ask- but I have to ask. If your partner isn’t into bedroom play in the same way you are, and isn’t as aggressive as you’d like, you either have to learn to ask for it every time you want it (and hope your partner isn’t board stiff) or simply work to find what DOES work for both of you and practive that a Lot! ;p It could be your Fiance isn’t into bedroom play or maybe he’s unsure of himself. If its the last one, maybe go to some sex shops together, read how-to books or look for information online to make him more comfortable. Otherwise…you might just have to ask for what you want when you want it.

Post # 4
Member
1778 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Write a fictional story about the two of you and address all the things you want to happen.  Write in lots of details and have fun with it.  Give it to him as a gift to read.

It is very likely that he is just unsure of himself and does not know exactly how to do those things.

I would suggest going with a Green (keep going!) Yellow (slow down a little) Red (STOP!) type system.  This way for the first few times he goes with it, you can encourage him without having to say “yes spank me harder!”  After a while he will know what to do by the way your body reacts!

 

The other possibillity is that he is just truly not into it, if that is true… then you need to have a serious talk and have him tell you that.  If you know for sure, then you will be less frustrated about it not happening.

 

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Schatzie821:

 

Am I a minority in thinking that Men are not allowed to initiate the romance.

It is always rebuffed – I was under the impression that it is only when the woman is ready.

Maybe that is why your gentleman is not willing to be as frisky as you like.

Maybe he is just interested in the normal and doesnt want to be aggressive with you? Maybe he simply loves you and couldnt dream of being rough with you, just a thought. You seem really cool and romantic and into sexploration, but maybe you should just tell him what you want?

If my fiance wanted to be risque in the sack and made that clear, I would do whatever she wanted to make her feel pleasured and satisfied…isnt that our job as a partner?

 

Post # 6
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Mr. Kahbooom —

REALLY???  I’m assuming (by the Mr) that you’re the male — in which case, DAMN!  I think every girl wants to be taken, tossed on the bed, aroused…everyone wants someone else to take control.  And I think a girl would rather the guy just DO IT, rather than have to tell him to do it…….if you’ve gotten her in the bedroom, you’ve passed the gentleman rules.  More on you later, if you want —

@ sweetrose2011 —  I hear ya.  I don’t think men and women — even when they both want sex — are always on the same page.  But here’s some advice that has worked with my Fiance who is less aggressive — Just whisper/yell/say something in throws of passion like “F*CK ME” or “F– me” or something aggressive.  It will make him more aggressive…and then the next time, he’ll remember that aggression (or say it again….) until it becomes habit.

hope this helps:_)

 

Post # 7
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with futuremrscrawford about saying things that will help him to be more aggressive. I also think you just telling him what you like and when he does it, show and tell him how much you appreciate it and it will help.

Post # 8
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I don’t have any different advice other than what has already been described, but can I share a funny story?  When I told my guy last week that I had found this site, his reaction was kind of bored, meaning he thought wedding talk could only go so far.  Wouldn’t I get tired of looking at dresses and rings, he asked?  Then when I told him about some posts regarding anal sex and now this topic, lol, you should see the spark of interest in his eyes!  So thanks for making this site a little spicier than just your everyday wedding topics.

Post # 9
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Personally, I would show him what you want by being agressive with him first (without asking).  Just grab him and push him against the wall or bed.  Then when he does what you want tell him how hot it is and how much it turns you on.  He will get the hint!

Post # 10
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Mr.Kahbooom: You seem to be the only guy in this thread. Honestly, yes you’re in the minority. I mean, okay, a lot of women haven’t responded here. But women appreciate knowing their partner is as interested as they are. I mean, imagine how you would feel if they only time you got to play was when you started things. You might imagine that your partner wasn’t terribly interested or attracted to you.

Now, I can’t speak for every woman, but I know that a lot of us would like to know attraction is mutual. And for me, that means that I want my man to start things just as often as I do. If I have to ask for it every time, that’s eventually going to be a killer in the bedroom.

I know none of this helps the original poster, but I really thought that maybe you should hear it. From a woman. Please don’t be afraid to initiate.

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