(Closed) How do I get him to help? (venting)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

Hand him a list of things that need to get done and explain to him in whatever way you know best so he is on board, that they need to be done, or you will be devastated.

Don’t do it for him. Separate the list, and tell him how much you need his help, more than ever. Leave it for him to fix it.

 

Post # 4
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

3 days away…aye yi yi.  I’d let him know exactly what I need and provide a due date and time.  This is probably the teacher in me coming out, but that’s the only way I could get things done by my now hubby.  If I left it open, it was always, “I’ll get it done.  I’m working on it.”  Example…Could you please get me your guest list by such and such date.  If I don’t have it at that point, I’m just sending invites for my side of the family.”

Post # 5
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I recommend a list, too.  That way he can cross things off as he finishes them.  You guys are a team, and you need to work together.  If he has a bunch of free time you don’t, he should be doing things to help you out.

Post # 7
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I was having the same issue (thankfully I have a little bit more time than you) and we got into a HUGE fight this weekend about it and he finally said that if it’s not written down he won’t do it.  I said, what do you mean?  I have emailed you lists for the past 8 months and you never get it down.  And he responded with WRITE IT DOWN.  Really really dumb game my fiance is playing but here is the deal – if I play by his rules he has zero excuse to not get it done.  So we went through each and every open item so that he could write it down by hand. Not that my fiance is your fiance but instead of getting super upset and screaming/crying like I did, take the shorter route and sit him down, turn off the TV or whatever is distracting him and very calmly ask him what the block is and if there is anything you can take off his plate so he get it done. 

There are a few tasks that I have that I have adopted and finally had to redelegate them because I JUST DIDNT WANT TO DO THEM.  If someone would have offered to do them for me, I could have put a lot more energy into the stuff that I needed to take care of. Does that make sense? You have three days and there is no time for BS. Tell him he gets a blowie for every item he checks off his list.  THAT will get him moving.  😉

Post # 8
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I hear ya…but so that you aren’t stressed, you have to follow through.  As teachers we know this.  Not that our men are children, but…..I guess what I’m saying is, what’s the consequence of him not doing it?  If no consequence and he doesn’t see it as an important item like you do, then why do it?  Remember, he is a guy.  We women, fortunately and unfortunately, have been fantasizing about what our wedding day would be like since we were itty-bitty.  Men…not so much.  He probably doesn’t see table numbers as important.  With my fiance/hubby…I had to show/explain the importance.  Example…why exactly do you need the numbers?  Why do you need them by such-n-such date.  Why, exactly, you need him to do it and why you can’t just do it yourself.  How it would make you less stressed if he could help.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m just speaking from my own experience with my fiance now hubby and I’m sure all men aren’t the same.  However, with my guy, lists didn’t work.  I had to give him 1 task at a time.  When 1 was done..of course… he had to be praised ..”good job sweety, you’re awesome.  Couldn’t have done it without you” (Most men like to be puffed up…lots of books will tell you this)  Then, I’d give him the next task with a due date (and consequence if it wasn’t finished).  By consequence, I didn’t take things from him, yell, etc.  It was more like, “oh, I needed such-n-such today.  Did you get it done?  No…ok…guess we’ll (key word we’ll) have to do it now since it’s needed today (usually an inconvenient time for him like when he was playing a video game he liked or watching a show he liked.)

Call me what you will.  Say I’m mean for doing that but it worked and I ended up being less stressed in the end.  He learned fairly quickly that I wasn’t wishy-washy and meant business.  I’m a beo-otch and proud of it!

Post # 10
Member
9145 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I love WillyNilly’s final advice.  BJs typically will get a guy motivated!

Post # 13
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My FI is a procrastinator too but I’m sure he will get it done before the big day. Unfortuantely, when you ask someone else to do something for you you cannot micromanage how or when he does it. Just ask him to have it done by X date – he will pull through.  Also, I’m not sure what his situation is why he isn’t working but when my FI was laid off he was pretty depressed and couldn’t find the energy to do anything other than apply for jobs. It can be a big ego hit to them so try not to be too hard on him! Maybe sit with him and ask him to show you how to make the table numbers?

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