(Closed) how do i get my fiance more involved in planning our wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
986 posts
Busy bee

I would just try talking to him about it. Maybe you guys can work out a system where you narrow down the options, then you guys make the final decision together? That way, he’s still involved, but he doesn’t have to be involved in every little thing. You could also designate a few things that are just for him to handle, and let him do those on his own since he wants to be involved.

Good luck!

Post # 4
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

If he says he will look into things and then doesnt I would straight up ask why he isnt doing that. Say you’re overwhelmed and need him to step up to the plate.

I dont know how it is in your area but 6 months in a lot of places here is not very long- many vendors will be booked up by then.

Post # 5
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Can you set an “appointment”/date with him about it? It’s good for you, because you know you’ll get his undivided attention during that time, and it’s good for him, because he knows he doesn’t have to hear about it constantly outside of that.

Maybe something like, “Babe, would it be okay if we took 1 hour on Friday evenings to discuss the wedding so I can get your input and information on what you’ve been looking into? Then we can be really organized together and I don’t have to bug you about it at random times.”

Then make the date fun too! Have drinks/dinner, put on music, etc.

Post # 6
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My fiance and I do “Wedding Wednesdays” and it works great! I am constantly thinking about wedding stuff so I just make a list of everything that needs to be done/discussed and save it for Wednesday of each week. This works great for us. My fiance knows not to schedule anything else for our night and I get all of his opinions and he helps me make final decisions, etc.


Some Wednesdays aren’t that fun (like discussing budget, family differences, etc) but it has to be done. My fiance knows this and is super helpful…sometimes he’ll even come to me on a random day and say, “hey I know you mentioned this on Wednesday, but this is how I think/feel”


Last Wednesday we went and looked at suits/tuxes and it was super fun! And tonight we are discussing shuttle options and favors…so not so much fun! But you have to get it done!

Post # 7
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Is there a particular facet of the planning that he might be really interesting in taking over? For example, my husband was really into getting the limo and booking our string quartet for our cermony. Any specific part of the day that he may have special interest in? That might help him get involved and stay involved when he’s “in charge” of a specific thing.

Post # 8
9574 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Is there something specific you want him to do?  I really think most guys just don’t care that much about the details as we do, so I wouldn’t hold it against him if he’s not thrilled to talk about colors and fabrics. 

If you want him to do something specific ask him what he would like to do…would he like to find the DJ?  Plan the transportation? Something he can do that he might like.

I like the idea of having a specific day of the week to discuss things, because he probably doesn’t want to hear about it every day and I wouldn’t blame him.

My fiance hasn’t been too into helping me AT ALL and I love it.  I get to do what I want without someone else’s opinions!  He has now decided he wants to be invovled in finding a DJ because he is convinced he can do better than me and all it has done is annoy me! Laughing  However, I’m pretty organized and I want things my way, so I enjoy doing it alone!

However, I told him I WILL need him for certain things, such as planning the ceremony.

Post # 9
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

First off: your Fiance mght be just as excited as you, but just not show his excitement in the same way.  (While I go bouncing about the room when we make a huge decision, my Fiance just sits and grins, but it means the same thing, just how we show it differently!)

Secondly: I have had a lot of success in delegating certain aspects to him. FI’s jobs are:

– Wedding Transport

– Marriage Prep

– DJ

– Hotel Blocks

– Honeymoon

Since I’ve given him these things, I occasionally check in to see how they are going.  And he brings most of them back to me anyway (We ended up picking the honeymoon together and going to DJ meetings together), but I know that it’s a good way for him to be involved.

And trust me, you Fiance probably only sees DIY projects as you taking on too much on your own and him being forced to help (Lord knows that’s how my Fiance sees them). 

Post # 11
1544 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

get him involved in things that interest HIM… DIY projects are craftsy and generally girly. While my fiance will offer opinions if he likes/ doesn’t like something – past that he just doesn’t care.

I asked him aspects of the wedding were most important to him and went from there.

My fiance planned for and saved for the honeymoon… that got him excited. He’d spend hours researching resorts, areas, flights, etc. Thinking about that – got the biggest smile on his face.

He also said that the music, food and cake were important to him so he’s helping me with all that. – he also comes to all interviews with vendors, tells me things he likes/ doesn’t like, and i get approval before starting on any diy projects.

he came in the room when i was working on the save the dates and he offered to help and i told him i don’t trust him not to ruin them. he agreed. he’s not a “crafty” guy and making him try to be something he’s not wouldn’t do either of us any good.

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