Post # 1
I got engaged in July and the wedding is still 4 months away. I am starting to get overwhelmed with all the details and when I ask my fiancee his opinon on things he just gives me a vague anwser. Well I finally broke down this weekend and we got into a fight about it and he said the reason he hasn’t been helping as much is because it’s really my wedding since I have been dreaming about it my whole life. How do I get him to change his view and see this as OUR wedding & help me with the planning?
Post # 3
Well theres no guarantee since I don’t think the way he feels is out of the ordinary at all. Try giving him a task and letting him run with it. Are you comfortable putting him in charge of anything?
Post # 4
What do you want help with?? If there’s any thing specific you need help with, I think you’re going to have to tell him what exactly you want him to do. Many men really dont care about the details. I basically planned our wedding myself and made all the decisions. His stance was to have me do whatever I wanted.
Post # 5
dont ask his opinion just give him physically something to do. He will help if he knows what you need help with. Like say: put stamps on these envelopes, put these in the mail, go to this place and pick up this.Go give the caterer this check. He prolly won’t help you make decisions about color schemes and flowers, but he can get off his ass and help.
Post # 6
Yes, Imade my Fiance drive all over the bay area to pick up stuff from craigslist. He did have a lot of input but that was only casue I forced it on him.
Post # 7
My SO is always like, flowers, dresses, centerpieces, that’s all you to choose (he said he’d help make them 🙂 ) but I know his heart is in the music choices, picking out his suit, picking a photographer. It all depends on what is important to your guy.
Post # 8
@SwtSerendipity: Buy a commercial during the superbowl!
Totally kidding (but I think I might need to). I had this same breakdown with my fiance, and this is what he said (sorta to a tee, but I’m quoting anyways):
“Takemyhand, I love you. I want to marry you. I want the world to know we are married so I will wear a ring. The problem is, I never dreamed about a wedding and I don’t care. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or don’t want to marry you, but flowers a flowers, a suit is a suit and I really don’t get what the difference between those floating candle centrepieces and tall candle centrepieces are, because they are both pretty. I can answer you, but none of it matters to me. I care, but I only care about the “I do” part and not so much the rest of what the details are.”
So I got it! He loves me, he wants to marry me, but I have to think like him– he doesn’t care if we get married in a well or in a barn or in a castle. He doesn’t care if our colours are white or pink or orange. He doesn’t care if the options are chicken and pork or chicken and steak.
To solve some of this, I made him have a list of things he DID care about, and those are the things I expect him to be involved with. For us, that HIS ring, our first dance song, whether or not he has to make a speech, and he is SUPER excited about the honeymoon (we are going on a road trip). So that is what he is in charge of and he’s doing awesome 🙂
Try and ask your Fiance what he WANTS at the wedding. Take those items and make sure that he is extremely involved. I bet your Fiance is a lot like mine (and most FI’s I think), where he wants to be with you, but the details are all just details to him.
Post # 9
I agree w/ the other bees… it is whatever he may be interested in. I was very upset w/ my fiance in the initial beginning about him not doing anything. I did all the research and would just present my favorite picks and he would say yes or no. I felt like I was the secretary and he was the boss who did nothing but shoot down all of ideas. So I just gave up and did it all myself. My bridesmaid told me it was like that w/ her husband. So she had him take care of his own tux, his own groomsmen and music (although she booked the DJ herself).
Then later on, when I started making all of my DIY wedding projects, my fiance came over and sat down to help, even though I never asked him. He just did it because he said he didn’t want me to get so frustrated in getting these things done for the wedding. So maybe your fiance will have a change or heart… but it would be better to just ask him and also ask him to do some things because he can’t read your mind (men are like computers… they are good at what they do, but need to be told what it is they need to do)